In the Forest of the Forgotten
by klynn99
Summary: The summer after her seventh year, Lily finds her life to be in the hands of none other than Lord Voldemort. To her surprise, James and Sirius are assigned as her personal aurors. Tensions rise and defenses fall as James, Lily and Sirius live their lives on the run.
1. Of Letters & Potter

**Lily**

An image of what appeared to be Lily Evans stared blankly back at her. Though the reflection had her face, she had trouble convincing the mirror that this young woman was actually her. The simple way her vibrant red hair fell over her shoulders, the prevalent curves around her waist, the piercing nature of her emerald eyes; it all seemed so over done, so fake. Over the past couple months, she supposed she had gotten used to it; dressing into something she wasn't. But it never really sunk in; just how different she looked dressed this way.

Lily wore layers of makeup around her eyes and lips, done professionally, of course, by a team her mother had hired this morning. She never had the girly instinct when it came to that kind of thing. She stared with cautious eyes at the reflection. It wasn't her. It was the woman her parents wanted her to be.

A tall man no older than twenty-two tousled with her hair, groaning impatiently.

"You know, Miss Evans, if you actually took care of your hair like I had asked you to, this process wouldn't be so difficult." Mark, her very much appreciated stylist, said as he ripped a brush through the last knot in the Lily's long, curly and overgrown hair. She stared at him through the mirror, her eyes narrowing on his as he worked. She smiled and refrained from shaking her head at him. Though there are many people on the team of pretentious snobs that irritated her, Mark was rarely one of them. He was young, and handsome, and not quite as rude as some of the others. He understood the kinds of pressure going on in Lily's life. Her father had been appointed Prime Minister at the start of the summer, and those years before it he was one of the highest men in the British government. Lily had grown up in a house of honor and was always taught how to behave in public. She was nameless. She was only the Minister's daughter.

It was strange growing up in her home. As a witch, she was able to inform her father about the Other Minister before he took office. It was much less awkward for him when they met. Her mother on the other hand, always found Lily's magic shameful. She was always trying to find a way to put her down.

"What is this meeting even about?" She said as she pushed a clump of hair away from her porcelain face, only to have it fall right back.

Mark attempted a smile, holding back a little. He grabbed the strand of hair, twisted it around his finger and tucked it into the bun he formed behind Lily's ear. "Miss Evans, I'm sure your father would appreciate your attendance. I don't believe he would ask you to come along unless there was a profound reason." His voice quaked, like he wanted to say more but stopped himself. Lily sensed this, but let it go.

Just as Mark pinned the final strand of hair into the complex bun behind her head, her older sister Petunia strode in. With messy, curly hair and the dullest brown eyes you'd ever encounter, she looked almost nothing like Lily. A frown was plastered across her face.

Noah Bagnold, Lily's most cherished friend, came running in behind Petunia. They met almost ten years ago when Lily's father's career took storm. Noah's father happened to be the Minister of Magic, but of course Lily didn't know that bit of information until she turned eleven. They basically grew up together, always finding adventures to go on when their parents were stuck in meetings. Once Lily received her letter, Noah sat by her side as Professor Dumbledore explained the concept of Hogwarts to her family. A long and anticipated train ride later, Noah was thrilled to have Lily be sorted into Gryffindor, his own house. But that was so long ago now. They had grown up a lot since then.

Noah was now a handsome twenty year old man with shaggy brown hair and palest blue eyes she'd ever seen. He wore a genuine smile and a classy grey suit, strutting about as he walked.

Mark bowed at Noah came up to his side, quietly muttering "Mr. Bagnold… Miss Evans" in a rushed and off guard tone.

Noah waved him off, smiling at the sight. "Mark, I've known you for years. You really don't need to do that every time I walk in the door. Honestly, just call me Noah. It's not like I'm royalty or anything."

Petunia on the other hand, huffed and strode over to Lily, arms folded against her chest. Mark nodded silently, whispering a thank you and walked over to the closet to pick out what Lily would be wearing in the evening. Mark was clearly intimidated by Petunia though she could never understand why.

True, being the children of the Minister they held high ground in Britain, but in Lily's mind, that caused no need for such intimidation... especially for Petunia.

She supposed it was the way her mother taught them to act in the presence of others; the way she must always hold herself, keep her chin up, stomach in, chest high, and walk with intent. It was maddening, though it seemed to fit Petunia's personality quite well.

Petunia bent down and tried to see her own reflection in the mirror, pushing Lily out of the way. Lily looked up at her, eyes darting. Petunia groaned and stepped back. "Wow, you almost look like a girl."

"Very funny Petunia."

"Well _I _think she looks beautiful." Noah stepped forward, nudging Petunia out of the way. He smiled encouragingly at Lily, knowing the stress her older sister caused her. Lily whispered a 'thank you' and looked back to the mirror.

"Oh, and Benny and the guys wanted to know if you'd like to come out to another scrimmage next week. You were fantastic last night! The guys were in such shock, they could hardly move!" Noah pranced around the room, imitating the game that took place the previous evening; jumping over end tables and rolling around the carpeted floor. "We should make that a permanent play!"

Lily rose from her seat, pulling the sides of the robe closer to her chest. "What can I say? I love quidditch."

The look across Petunia's face carried the upmost disgust. She blinked her eyes rapidly, holding her hands in the air. "You are a disgrace Lily!"

Noah came to an abrupt halt, staring daggers at Petunia. Lily just sat in her chair, trying to ignore her sister.

"Playing matches in the mud and this… horrid _freak_ game… it's ghastly. You are supposed to be a proper young lady. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you? You've always been shipped off to that stupid _freak _school. I'm surprised Dad hasn't found a more _permanent _solution for you…"

Lily stared in shock. But she began to understand she was never like the other girls in the hierarchy family. She'd rather be playing sports in the mud, or flying high above Britain playing Quidditch than go to some fancy Ball. She's observed they way her new 'friends' behave; how they strut about the town, talk up to the boys always while a smile on their face. Being what Britain considered Royalty, Lily knew it was all a façade. The way they walked, batted their eye lashes, laughed at every disgustingly lame joke; it was all part of the act. You must be liked in this town; there is no way around it. She had missed her friends at Hogwarts much more than she could say. True, they wrote often and tried their best to keep in touch, but after the graduation everyone seemed to go their separate ways. Marlene and Mary had gone straight into Auror training, meeting up with Alice who had graduated the year before. Lily thought of the Marauders, wondering where they had ended up. She knew that James and Sirius had wanted to be Aurors, but she had no idea about Remus or Peter. Perhaps, she should write. Remus had always been a good friend to Lily, even through her spats with James. With his, well, condition, it must have been incredibly difficult to find a job. A pain went through Lily as she thought about how unfortunate it was. Remus was such an intelligent, kind man. There was no reason not to hire him. Then she thought of herself. What was she doing? What did she have to show for? Nothing.

Her father had assumed the Minister position shortly after graduation. With all the ceremonies and events it was difficult to even think of a career path. She needed to support her father. Her family had grown wealthy through his position and her mother saw no need for Lily to get a job. "_Jobs are for poor, ordinary people. You are none of those things, Darling."_

After a while Lily realized she had wondered off in thought. She looked to Noah, whose arms were crossed firmly over his chest. That look on his face… he was trying very hard not to explode. Petunia drove him mad, especially the way she treated Lily. He bit his lip, breathing loudly. After a while he must have stopped trying to fight it.

"You know what Petunia? You aren't needed here. So why don't you just go crawl back into whatever black corner of this mansion you live in and stay there before I jinx your sorry ass into next Sunday."

Petunia stared at Noah, both with serious expression; neither wanted to budge. They were both so stubborn. But Noah stepped forward; squinting his eyes just a bit more. Petunia gave up.

"Ugh! Fine! I'll go." Petunia exclaimed. "It's not like I want to be here anyway."

"Sure you don't." said Noah.

Lily could hear Petunia's heels clicking the entire way down the hall. She looked to Noah, who seemed to glow with pride. "You didn't have to yell at her."

"Who yelled? I just threatened her a bit, is all." He shrugged, grinning wildly. "She was being mean to you."

"I appreciate it, Noah, really. But you don't need to baby me. I'm a big girl. I can handle Petunia." Lily said. She glanced up at Mark who nearly tripped over a pile of laundry in the middle of the room.

Mark stumbled back over to the siblings. "Pink or gold?" He asked as he held up two dresses, a tone of worry in his voice. The pink one was almost unbearable to look at, and the gold one had so many sequences Lily's eyes were wide with shock.

"You can not be serious. God knows I can't wear pink with this hair." Lily pointed a finger at her head, rolling her eyes.

Mark looked at the dresses, with the same face as hers, suggesting he didn't like them much either. "I'm sorry Miss, but Lady Annabelle suggested you look girly and presentable."

Lily grabbed the golden dress and held it next to her body. She snuffed at the possibility. It looked like an outlandish dance costume she wore in the 2nd grade. "Yeah, presentable, not tacky."

Noah began backing up towards the door. He stepped back, inch by inch. "You know what? I'm going to leave this little argument to the two of you. Have fun!" He was already down the hall before Mark could get in another word.

Suddenly, he threw the dresses on the floor and ran back to the closet in a rush. He fell to his knees and rummaged through the clothes. "Now, I know this may get me in some trouble, but I'm sure you'll back me up after you see this."

Mark tossed a simple black dress at Lily. "Put this on."

Lily snatched the dress from the air. Mark smiled and turned his back as the redhead released the belt around her robe. She allowed the sleeved to fall down her arms and suddenly the air felt cold against her skin.

"Almost done Miss?" Mark turned his head slightly to the right.

"Oi! Turn around!" Lily shouted throwing her arms across her body. Mark quickly turned back around. She quietly giggled to herself as she watched Mark's ears turn red. She grabbed the black fabric in her hands, feeling the smooth texture. Gently, she pulled the dress over her head, being careful to not mess with the delicate bun behind her head. After some quick adjustments she walked towards her friend. Lily tapped him on the shoulder. "How's it look?"

Mark smiled. His eyes lit up. "You look stunning. Take a peak." He grabbed her hand and walked her to the full length mirror. The dress was simple, but it was gorgeous. It was strapless, and wrapped tightly around her figure. A green belt set delicately around her curves. "It's amazing Mark, thank you."

He smiled and placed green stilettos at Lily's feet, clearly thrilled to hear redhead's approval. "It took me all night to make it. I figured you wouldn't wear those other dresses if I forced them on you."

"Amen to that." Lily said as she slipped her feet into the shoes.

Mark handed her a white cardigan. "Just put this on. We don't want you looking too sexy."

She smiled, placing the white sweater around her shoulders. Suddenly, a voice rang from the hallway. "Lily! Let's go! The meeting starts in five!" It was Noah. _Always the patient one, _she thought.

Lily turned to Mark and gave him a quick hug before running off to meet her brother. It was a lot harder running in high heels than she thought. The clicking against the floor echoed throughout the halls. Lily wasn't used to standing in heels, let alone running. Her ankle nearly gave out a few times before she met up with Noah.

Noah smiled, his eyes gazing over Lily's body subconsciously. "Wow, Lil, you look amazing."

"You don't look half bad yourself."

They stood together at the entrance of the conference hall. Albert, her father's personal Auror stepped in front of them. "Allow me." He grabbed the handle and pulled the door open. Inside, sat about twenty middle aged men in suits. The Minister of Magic sat next to her father. The two men chatted quietly in the corner, worried looks covering their faces. This had to be about the Wizarding War. What other reason was there to call a meeting with both ministers?

They all stood as Lily and Noah entered and took their seats next to their fathers. The room had a strange air about it. It was different. Her father seemed… troubled. Noah must have noticed too, because he grabbed Lily's hand and squeezed it.

The Minister of Magic stood, brushing out the wrinkles of his suit before beginning. "Many of you know why we have gathered here today, many do not. I am here to clear the air." He took a deep breath. "The rumors are true. Voldemort's followers are continuing to rise. He is indeed a serious threat and we can not ignore him any longer. Especially now. A particular threat has been made that I had to inform our friend, Minister Evans."

He pointed to a white envelop sitting at the center of the table. It had previously been opened and in black ink read _To the Prime Minister._ Lily stared at the envelope, curious as to what its contents read. Her father gestured for the mysterious paper. Lily grabbed it, and slid it down the long table. The Prime Minister waited a moment and then picked up the letter, and removed the envelope.

Before he read, he turned to his daughter. "I have brought you to this meeting because this letter concerns you. I am so very sorry my dear."

Lily became very tense. Suddenly, nothing else seemed to matter. If the letter had come from Voldemort, she knew it could not be good. She's heard of the things that man was responsible for; the deaths of many brave aurors, her neighbor Mrs. Carlton and a few students' parents from the other Wizarding Schools.

She looked to Noah. His eyes were incredibly sad but he forced out a smile. He knew something. He knew exactly what the letter contained.

Her heart beat quickened as her father cleared his throat.

_ "I assure you, in due time you're position will no longer be needed. For when my plan has been completed, only I shall be in charge. Even the Minister of Magic will be discarded. The mudbloods and muggles shall be ridden and the pure bloods will stand tall. In due time, my course will take its path. It needs time. But you, my dear Minister, need not worry for I have no need to kill you, yet. It is my understanding that your daughter is your most cherished possession. If circumstances were different and her blood wasn't filthy, I would consult her to join my forces. But instead, I am writing this letter to inform you that I will take your daughter, torture and murder her at the next conceivable moment. The fact that Miss Lily has dirty blood will make the task much more pleasurable for my servants. Do not misunderstand, commoner. This is no warning. You have no control over the upcoming events; do not try to stop them. Your daughter will die at my hands, Minister. _

_ Lord Voldemort"_

The room filled with silence as each member stared at the siblings. Lily couldn't fathom what was happening. The idea of her life in the hands of an unstable man frightened her. Lately not much could. She knew the war was beginning. She had never been naïve to the idea of Voldemort. But this felt all too real. Her breath quickened and suddenly the world began to spin.

The Minister of Magic stood up. "Now, as most of you know, we received a similar letter only a few days ago concerning Noah." He gestured towards his son. Lily spun around, wondering how on Earth he could have kept something like that from her. Noah's face was stern, but he didn't seen disturbed. He looked upon his father. "What are we going to do?" He asked in a flat voice. Noah was always one to keep it together.

"The only thing we can do." Lily's father replied, gently placing the letter back onto the table. "Both of you will be placed in the protection of the best aurors the Ministry has, and you will be sent away. You will have to travel for a while; never staying in one place for too long. You will be… on the run, I suppose."

Lily finally snapped back to reality. She pushed the chair out from underneath her, rising to her feet. "What? You can't do that!"

The Minister placed a hand on his daughter's shoulder. "I know this is hard, and it's sudden. But we must do everything we can to protect you." He cleared his throat. "The _both_ of you."

Lily nodded, sitting back down. She didn't quite understand what why going on but she knew her father always had her best interests at heart. "At least we'll still be together." She said, referring to Noah. Noah's face was blank, knowing what Lily didn't. "What?"

He turned to face the redhead, a sincere look in his eyes. "We _won't_ be together. If there happens to be an attack, they would lose both of us. It's safer for us to travel separately."

Lily shook her head. "No! I just… I don't… why can't we all just stay together?" Tears began to fall down her freckled face as Noah took her in his arms. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her down. But instead, her breathing became more and more labored as she clutched onto his back.

Her father walked to their side. "Do not fear my darling. We will find this man, this _Voldemort_, and we will bring him to justice. You will be home in no time. I promise."

Lily wanted nothing more than to believe the words her father spoke. But somehow, she knew that things would not be that easy. Voldemort had been around for years, and had plenty of time to gather enough followers to take his place. Things would never be easy again.

"Now," The Prime Minister began. "There is a banquet outside that Lily and I must attend, if you all will excuse us, Minister Bagnold. I appreciate your help in this matter greatly. It will not be forgotten."

Noah was the first of the two to speak up. "Sorry, Mr. Evans sir, but don't you think Lily should rest? I mean, she could really use a break."

"I'm sorry Noah, but this is a very important event. We can't allow the public to know the content of this meeting. To them, nothing is wrong and we must assure them of that. After its conclusion, Lily can return to her room and pack and I'm sure you will do the same. Both of you will leave in the morning."

Her father's words came out much more stern than he intended. But Lily was beginning to understand. He needed to start backing away. He needed to say goodbye to his daughter.

The room began to pour out into the courtyard where refreshments were served and classical music was played. Lily grabbed a cup of water and strolled aimlessly around before taking a seat in front of the musicians. They played tunes such as Mozart and Beethoven. She found it difficult to concentrate on anything.

"How sick would it be if I just busted out my electric guitar right now?" Noah sat down in a seat next to her. He smiled reassuringly. Lily could only assume he was trying to help her forget what had just happened.

"Only if you want to get cursed" She added.

He laughed. "It would be pretty fun though. I'm sure it would liven up this party." He turned around scanning the crowd of people mingling. "Though, the intensity might kill that one." He pointed to an old woman, yelling at a waiter. She had a respirator on her and she leaned on a wooden cane.

Lily forced out a soft smile. Noah's eyes lingered just a bit before he let out a long sig.

"We're going to be ok." Noah whispered, bending his head, as if it finally became real. "It'll be hard as hell. But we'll be ok."

Lily put her hand on Noah's knee. He shook his head, trying to shake the idea away. He pulled his hands to his face and began to mess up his perfectly placed brown hair. He groaned. "Everything has fallen to shit."

Lily nodded. "I couldn't agree more."

Noah smiled at her, though it didn't hide the pain behind it. He wasn't ready for this. He couldn't imagine living life on the road after growing up the way he did. He knew there was no choice. Noah smiled gently at his best friend before he stood up. "I'm going to get some air, would you like to join me?"

"No thanks, I um, I'm good."

"Ok, well, promise me you'll try to take some time to get away from all these people tonight." Noah stared down at Lily. She smiled politely, trying to hide the tears on the verge of falling. He nodded as he walked off into the garden, his fists clenched. She watched as he stared at the crowd of happy people with demon eyes, angry with them for not knowing their pain.

Lily sat alone, staring at the people that aimless walked by her. They felt no pity or mercy for the girl with a death sentence. None of them cared. None of them knew.

She watched as Petunia strolled around, speaking to their mother and a woman she didn't recognize. They smiled and laughed together, clutching their frequently replenished wine glasses. As she watched, more and more hatred built up inside of her. She wanted nothing more than to scream and run began to wonder how her sister could be in such a pleasant mood when her only sibling's life was hanging in the balance.

"Lily! Lillian dear, won't you come here for a moment?" Annabelle called. Petunia was standing at her side, glaring bullets.

Lily groaned for she was in no mood to deal with her sister. But she walked over anyway, knowing the consequences if she didn't. The clearly intoxicated mother put her arm around Lily's delicate frame. "Lily, this is Mrs. Hall. She's a very important member of our community. Be a dear and don't be rude."

The two of them burst into laughter, though Lily found nothing about her statement amusing. She could smell the traces of alcohol on their breath. Her nose cringed and she stood a step back.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Hall." The redhead politely responded.

"What a kind young lady." The woman said.

Petunia grabbed a hold of her friend's arm. "Let me tell you, this would be the first time!"

Once again, they erupted into laughter. Though Mrs. Hall suspected her sister was only fooling around, Lily knew she was not. Her sister had always resented her, and wanted nothing more than to finally be rid of her. She suddenly realized why her sister didn't seem as torn up as she should have.

Lily forced a smile, and slowly made her escape while she still could. She turned back around to watch them. They had gone on as if they didn't even notice she had left.

* * *

**James**

"What are we even doing here?" Sirius groaned in frustration. James glared at his friend, trying to make him take the hint to just shut up already. "I'm serious mate, we're aurors, not tourists. Besides, I've seen the Prime Minister already. We've met Lily's dad at the station before. Can we leave?"

"No. I thought it would be a good idea to tour the Prime Minister's home."

Sirius closed his mouth, avoiding his friend's glare.

James shook his head, a smile forming on his face. "Dude, I'm kidding. All they told us was that our next assignment involved the Prime Minister. I figured it would be to our advantage to sneak about to get some information." Sirius was quite, clearly irritated by his best mate. "Or, you know, steal some expensive plates and sell them in Diagon Alley…" James added with a smirk.

Sirius looked at him, recognizing the devious intensions behind his best friend's motive. James grabbed Sirius' arm and dragged him into the group of busy tourists. "Just try to look enthused."

Sirius moaned and whispered 'fine' as he crossed his arms and kicked the dirt at his feet. "It's not like we're here so you can spy on Lily or anything…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing Prongs."

James nodded, turning his attention to the blonde woman in front of the group.

"Now if you look to your left, you'll see Lady Annabelle's Royal Garden. Though the garden technically belongs to the Lady, she hardly ever enters the gates herself. Sources of mine tell me that it is actually her daughter Lily who actually spends much of her time in the beloved garden." The tour guide, whose name they discovered was Missy, said matter-of-factly. James' ears perked up at the sound of Lily's name. He hadn't seen her since the last day of school.

_The Great Hall was filled to the ceiling in balloons and streamers. Red and Gold banners lined the walls, for Gryffindor had won the house cup. It was so perfect, James thought. His final year and his own house not only claimed the Cup but also won the Quidditch final. Everything was coming together. Well, expect one thing. _

_ In the distance he finally saw her. Lily's red hair stuck out in the crowd of blacks and browns. Even the blondes didn't seem so extraordinary. Lily was something else. She was beautiful and smart and well, quite sarcastic. She laughed at something her friend Mary said. He was about to approach her when a hand smacked the back of his head. _

_ "Prongs, you're staring again." Sirius smiled, punching James' arm. _

_ "Are you done attacking me?" James laughed. Behind Sirius, Remus and Peter quickly joined. "So, do we have a plan for tonight or what?"_

_ Remus shook his head. "None that I can think of. Besides, all the chaos and party related activities are always up to you guys. The last time I planned something, we ended up writing someone else's potions essay. So, yeah, I'm not even going to try."_

_ "Oh don't be so hard on yourself Moony. We had a good laugh! We even added that paragraph about the significance of the banana into Carter's essay. That was gold! Slughorn was so confused. 'This was supposed to be about Felix Felicus Carter!'"_

_ The four boys burst into laugher. Out of the corner of his eye, James noticed Lily picking up her bags. She stood and said quick goodbyes to her friends. Sirius followed James' eyes and shook his head. "When are you going to learn, mate? It's been seven years, give it a break!" _

_ "I don't think so." James smiled arrogantly. "I think I can still do this. One last shot, am I right?"_

_ Sirius shook his head. "Ten gallons says she denies you flat and calls you an arrogant hussy."_

_Remus slapped a hand on James' back supportively. "One last time. I believe in you Prongs!"_

_James smiled at his friend before glaring daggers at Sirius. _

_ Peter was the last one to pipe up. "Why bother?"_

_ The three Marauders turn to him in shock. Remus stepped forward. "James has been after this girl since year one. I mean, yeah, it's gotten annoying, don't get me wrong. But I guess he's allowed one more go. He'll probably never see her again."_

_ Peter folded his hand together nervously. He never liked it when the three of them were against him. "Well, Lily, she just, she don't like you Prongs. Actually, she kinda hates you."_

_ James shook his head. "Oh come on, she doesn't hate me."_

_ "She hates you." The three chanted as if they said it a hundred times before. _

_ "I'll prove you wrong, just wait." James yelled as his ran off out the grand doors and down the hall after Lily. _

_ "Evans! Hey, Evans!"_

_ Lily shook her head, her red hair whipping from side to side. She didn't stop walking and kept her head down. _

_ But James was on a mission. He began to sprint. He was closer and closer to her when he nearly knocked her over. _

_ "Come off, Potter! There's no need to attack me." Lily said, bending over to pick up the books that had fallen onto the ground. James laughed, gathering a few in his hands. _

_ "Sorry about that. I just wanted to catch up with you." James handed her the books. She eyed his suspiciously. Suddenly he felt nervous, and ran a hand through his black messy hair. _

_ "What for?" Lily asked. _

_ "I wanted to ask you to come out with me tonight. Same old, same old." James noticed that Lily's expression had not changed and therefore neither would her mind. He knew that. He always knew she would turn him down. But James got used to it and he was fine. Just another blow to his pride, was all. "I promise it'll be fun. Remus and Sirius will be there. Peter too. Look, I even invited Mary and Marlene; I know you guys are practically the female equivalent of the Marauders, save the pranks and jackassery."_

_ She shook her head, but seemed to be smiling on the verge of a laugh. "You're very persistent."_

_ "That I am. Now what do you say? Come on, Evans. One more night and you'll never have to see me again, I swear." _

_ Lily thought for a moment. She stared up at James and he couldn't help but be memorized by her eyes. They were so green, it was almost unnatural. It was incredibly beautiful. He wished he could tell her that, though he knew she would probably back hand him. He laughed internally. She was always so feisty. _

_ "Fine."_

_ James lifted his head up. "Sorry what?"_

_ Lily smiled. "I said I'll go. But this isn't a date." She turned her back and began walking down the corridor. James watched as she walked away. Her head swung side to side effortlessly. It nearly reached the small of her back it was so long. James smiled, looking around the hall to make sure no one was looking before he did a quick and well deserved fist pump. _

_ "Sirius owes me some money." _

Missy pointed to the enormous palace that they would soon approach. "Though the British Ministry has been going strong since the Middle Ages, the Prime Minister's position is fairly new. Over three hundred years old, their home contains about one hundred rooms. There is a private residence on the third floor and a kitchen in the basement. The other floors contain offices and numerous conference, reception, sitting and dining rooms where the Prime Minister works, and where government ministers, national leaders and foreign dignitaries are met and entertained. There is an interior courtyard and, in the back, a terrace overlooking a garden of 0.5 acres."

James could hear his friend yawning purposely just to annoy him. Jerk. James smacked his best friend's arm. "Shut up and listen."

Missy smiled at the boys, though it seemed to hide an evil glare. "The Evans family moved in at the start of the summer as Mr. Evans took office. He had been doing extremely well in the face of adversity and I believe we should all applaud him."

"That is so fascinating." Sirius said sarcastically. He turned, grabbing a hold of James's shoulders. "Dude, come on, let's get out of here. We can stop by the local pub and get us some beers, what do you say?"

"Look man, I would like nothing more. But we have to get serious_, Sirius_." James struggled to hold in laughter as his best friend glared bullets into his head.

"Hilarious."

"I know." James ran a hand through his hair. "We have to get familiar with this place. We don't go to Hogwarts anymore! We are legitimate aurors. That means no more goofing off. We have lives in our hands. Now do some digging and deal with it."

"I hate you." Sirius tugged extensively at James's shirt. Though, it did no use.

"You'll forgive me."

"Not likely." Sirius said and he let go of the shirt.

Missy squealed. "Oh my! Now everyone quiet please! Quiet!" She whispered. Her voice was overly excited. "If you'll turn your attention to the right, you can just make out Noah Bagnold, son of _our _minister, walking towards the garden. Oh, do you see him? He's just so devilishly handsome, don't you think so ladies?"

The women of the group sighed collectively, nodding and whispering to each other. The young man in a grey suit paced in front of the gates. He seemed to be talking, no rather yelling at himself. His arms were thrown in the air on occasion as he kicked plants and punched the wall. James had remembered Noah when they attended Hogwarts. He was two years older than James and always seemed like a nice enough bloke. James didn't know much about him other than he was Lily's closest friend. He always tried to hate Noah for being Lily's favorite, but it was hard. Noah was a decent guy and always protected Lily when he needed to. There was also the fact that he hated Snape with a burning passion comparable to James', so that didn't hurt.

Missy squealed again. That was going to get on James' nerves rather quickly. He couldn't begin to imagine how Sirius felt about it. "I wonder what's got him so heated." James bent over and whispered to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged. "Man, I'm tired. I don't have the energy to deal with Noah's problems."

James smiled. "Right."

Missy brought the group over to other side of the walkway so she could talk in a normal tone. "If anyone has any questions about the personal life of the Evans family or the Bagnold family, please consult me after the tour."

"God, no one wants to hear that woman talk any longer than we have to." Sirius muttered. James struggled to hide a chuckle.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Missy asked, clearly aware of what the young auror had said.

His face immediately turned a bright shade of red. "No, um, no ma'am."

Missy nodded. "Good. Now let's continue, shall we?"

The group followed Missy inside the palace. James found himself staring wide eyed at the interior. It was far more beautiful than he had imagined. Portraits hung on the strikingly gorgeous craved walls. Enormous windows allowed sunlight to make the room glow with life. Flowers sat in golden vases upon chestnut dressers.

Missy smiled. "Isn't it amazing? I come in here at least twice a day, and yet I still find it hard to absorb all the beauty."

In the distance, James could just make out the figure of a young girl, no older than he, pacing relentlessly at the end of the hall. From what he could tell, and that was very little, she was undeniably gorgeous. With long red hair, and a black dress that hung tightly around her figure, he could hardly keep his eyes off her. A split second later he realized it was Lily. His pulse quickened immediately.

He watched as the Prime Minister walked up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She shook it off almost instantly, before crossing her arms in front of her chest. James elbowed Sirius in the side, and nodded in Lily's direction. Within a few moments she had walked outside through the enormous glass gates into the garden party they had seen earlier.

Sirius grinned at him. "What do you say man? You up for crashing a party?"

Missy raised her arm. "Now, if you'll follow me, I'd like you to show you the guest dining hall, that not too long ago, a meeting was held to debate the political future of our dear country."

As the crowd began to walk further down the hall, James and Sirius slowly backed up until they were further than earshot. They began to sprint down the tremendously long hallway until they reaches the glass gates. No more than two feet before, the boys came to a halt, adjusting themselves before making an entrance.

James wore a dark red sweater and kaki slacks. Sirius on the other hand was dressed in black jeans and a blue t shirt. They were in no attire for a party this nice, though they didn't seem to mind. James wrapped a peacoat he found on coat rack around his shoulders, shuddering at the cold breeze.

He strolled into the crowd of elite, scanning the room for any sign of the girl. While Sirius had already made his way to the table filled with expensive pastries and snacks. He grabbed a plate and nearly took two of everything, stacking the contents higher than he should have.

James weaved in and out of the crowd, smiling passively at the people. He recognized a few important political leaders. On most occasions, James would have introduced himself and said some encouraging words, but seeing as he wasn't invited, he figured he should keep to himself.

Over in the corner a small trio of orchestral instruments played. He walked closer, intrigued. As he approached he saw the back of the girl's head. He recognized the ginger hair that lay messy against her back. She sat alone in a crowd of empty white chairs. Only now that he was up close, did he see how incredibly beautiful she was. He took a deep breath and sat down in a seat three down from her. She didn't seem to notice him.

James coughed, sliding a hand through his black hair. Still nothing. He cleared his throat. "It's a wonderful evening for a party."

"What?" She looked up, startled by James' sudden appearance. She stared at him before saying anything. "Um, yeah, I suppose so."

She didn't even question why he had randomly showed up at this fancy banquet. Something was wrong. He sensed it instantly.

James scooted closer. "What's going on?" She didn't say a word. In fact, she hardly lifted her head. He studied the visible side of her face while they sat in silence. Her eyes were puffy, her nose red, and cheeks flushed. She had been crying. James felt a pain in his chest to even think about it. He had never seen Lily be emotional, ever. It felt odd. "Come on, talk to me Evans. You alright?"

She nodded, still staring at the space between her feet.

James sat there in silence, knowing that it wasn't when he heard a sniffle. He felt as though she expected him to leave, but he didn't want to. He wanted to sit by her side, to make sure everything was going to be just fine, to make her feel safe. James knew that Lily never wanted that kind of thing from him, but he didn't really care all that much.

Suddenly, she spun around in her chair, facing James head on. "You know what sucks?" She asked; her mind clearly raging.

"Please, tell me." James inquired with a devious smile on his face.

"…everything about this God forsaken day!" She threw her arms in the air, and slouched into the chair. "I basically found out my life, however short it is going to last, is on a downward spiral to hell! I have no control over anything anymore! Not mention my horrible excuse for a sister who doesn't even care what is going on with me… all she cares about is whether or not my hair has flyaways or if my dress is wrinkled or if I slip up and embarrass her!"

Exhausted, her head fell into her hands. Although James knew he probably shouldn't, he began to laugh.

Lily lifted her head at once, staring at him. "Is this _funny_ to you?"

"Oh not at all Evans, really, it's just, there's a lot of anger bottled up inside such a petite girl."

Her lips remained perched as she crossed her arms. They sat for a moment like that; Lily staring angrily, James smirking playfully. He quite enjoyed their dynamic. Soon, she relaxed her face and dropped her arms. "Look, Potter, I'm sorry I blew up. It hasn't been a very good day."

James shook his head. He couldn't see a reason why she was apologizing to him. "Oh don't worry about it. I tend to have that effect on people."

She nodded, agreeing as a smile overcame her red stained lips. "Oh, I remember well."

James nodded, rubbing his hands on the knees of his pants. "Ok Evans," He stood up, took a bow, and extended his arm. "Care to take a stroll?"

"I don't think so Potter."

James sat back down next to the stubborn redhead. "Oh come on. You're clearly pissed off, and there's no way in hell you want to be _here_. Let's face it; I'm a much better option."

Lily shook her head. "You're impossible, Potter."

"So you'll come?"

Lily stood to her feet and brushed out the wrinkles in her dress. She pondered his question for a while. She looked around the garden nervously, as if she was searching for someone but came up empty. When she finally spoke up, James was almost surprised.

"I suppose. But this _isn't_ a date." James knew that behind her seemingly bored and unforgiving tone that she was happy he'd shown up. This banquet was horribly stiff and she needed a night out. God knows how long it's been since she's seen anyone.

James stood up. "You look stunning, by the way." He shoved his hands in his pockets, beaming confidently.

"Don't push it."

James grabbed a hold of Lily's hand before she had a chance to protest led her into the garden, down the extended winding path, and come to a stop at the large metal gates. Lily pried her hand away, eying James deviously.

* * *

**OK! So that's the first chapter, and I have to say I'm quite terrified to be uploading this since I dont _ever_ share my writing. I hope you enjoyed it and the next chapter should be out soon. I have the majority of the entire story written, I'm just editing and making some changes as I decide to upload. **

**Thanks so much for reading!**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	2. Running Out of Time

**James**

"Where are we going?" She asked looking back towards the mansion behind them.

"Who knows? I've never been one for planning. I'm an in-the-moment kind of guy." James looked back at her. Her eyes had restored to their emerald color, the redness shattered from her eyes, and the pink reinstated to her cheeks. She began to smile, though James could see how nervous she was. "You're in the presence of an extremely talented, and might I add attractive, auror. Anyone comes close; I'll blast their face off."

Lily laughed. Some of her red hair fell into her face. "It's so weird."

"What?"

"That you're an auror." Lily crossed her arms in front of her chest. "You've always been a menace, the classic bad boy, and world renowned jackass back at Hogwarts. It's difficult to imagine you on the right side of the law."

"I'm a fantastic auror, Red. All those years on the corrupt side give perspective."

"Oh God, we're not back to 'Red' again, are we? I thought I heard the last of that."

"Oh don't pretend like you don't like it." James snickered, pushing open the silver gates. They swung open slowly with a quite creek. He stretched his arm around Lily's shoulders and tucked the other in his pocket.

"You better watch yourself, Potter." Lily said. But she didn't try to shake him off. It was quite cold out and perhaps she needed the warmth. But James liked to think he was growing on her.

"I suppose you'll just have to get used to it."

* * *

**Lily.**

Lily did not like this; feeling so comfortable with James. He always had such an arrogant, annoying tone to everything he said. True, he was still just as conceited, just as ridiculous as before. But he seemed much more mature now. She guessed all the auror training did him well. She hated to admit it, but maybe he grew up a bit since Hogwarts. But honestly, that was just impossible. James Potter has always been an incompetent jerk and he will stay that way.

They had walked in silence for the last few minutes but neither seemed to mind despite Lily's internal war.

"So, how's the royal life treating you?" James' inquired; eyebrows high.

"Horrible." Lily said flatly and more truthfully than she intended. James seemed taken back. She clarified. "Everyone treats me differently now. It's like people that used to not like me suddenly want to be my friend."

"I doubt that."

"Are you calling me a _lair_?" Lily asked, pushing away from James, blatantly offended.

He began to laugh. "Not at all. All I meant by that was I found it unlikely that people didn't adore you." Lily looked up at James. He adjusted his thick rimmed glasses anxiously. His black hair was blown out of place, but it seemed that he liked it that way. "I can't name a single person who dislikes you."

Lily nodded, taken back by his compliment. She thought for a moment to the one person she used to call her friend; the boy who chose the dark arts over their friendship and called her horrible names.

"Severus hates me."

James popped his head up. He shook his head, hate forming in his hazel eyes. He bit his lower lip, almost like he was trying to stop himself from speaking. It came out anyway.

"Yeah, well Snape's always been a jackass. He chose his path and you chose yours. You deserve much better company than him."

"What? Like you?" Lily laughed, throwing a weak fist into James' side.

"Exactly." James grinned. He popped his coat's collar up, bracing his cheeks from the cold wind. They walked quietly again until James began to yell, startling Lily.

"Hey Moony! Is that you?" James called out again. He ran in the direction of the Marauder, leaving Lily behind. She rolled her eyes, a smile lifting her face and ran to catch up with James and Remus. It's been some time since she's seen her fellow prefect. Lily didn't realize how much she missed him.

"I haven't seen you since we graduated! It's been so long!" James threw his arms around Remus.

He reciprocated. "Prongs, it's only been a few months…"

James nodded. "Yeah, but I've been stuck with Sirius for the last four months in auror training. I haven't seen you or Wormtail all summer!"

Remus laughed, hitting his friend's arm. "I've got to hand it to you. I couldn't handle as much Sirius-time as you do. Padfoot would drive me crazy."

The two laughed. After some time Remus looked up, finally seeing Lily. He always had gorgeous blue eyes and this ruffled, yet smart, tone about his hair and expression. If Lily didn't hold their friendship so hightly, she would have really considered fancying him.

"Lily!" He shouted, pushing past James and throwing his arms around the redhead. James crossed his arms over his chest.

Lily laughed as her feet lifted off the ground. "It's nice to see you again, Remus." He set her down. "How have you been?"

Remus shrugged. "Alright I suppose. But, hey! I finally found a job! Dumbledore agreed to let me intern at the school library!"

"That's great, Remus!" Lily exclaimed.

James smirked. "I should've known you'd find a way to stay at Hogwarts for the rest of your sad and miserable life."

Remus punched James arm; quite right to in Lily's opinion. Remus smiled first at Lily and then at James. "So, this is quite the sight." Lily could feel her ears turning red. She quickly pushed some hair in front of them to try to cover it up. "I'll have to write Peter. James finally convinced you!"

James laughed sarcastically and gave Remus a look as if to scream 'shut up'. "Funny enough, Remus, this one won't stop reminding me how much this _isn't _a date."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Please, I've only said it once."

Remus laughed. "I should've known."

"Evans was anxious to escape some political banquet. Lucky for her, I swooped in and stole her away."

"Yeah, that's _exactly_ how it went."

"Oh come off it, Evans. You were damn excited to see me."

"Hardly"

"You missed me, don't deny it."

"You wish, Potter."

Remus spoke up rather loudly, stopping the banter between his friends. "So where are you two heading?"

James shrugged. "Somewhere epic, I'm sure. I just haven't thought of it yet." He turned to Lily. "Any suggestions?"

But before she had a chance to speak, James cut her off, placing a finger on her lips. "No. Wait. I have the perfect idea. Remus, I'll catch you later. Lily," she pushed his hand away, shacking off an unintended smile. "Come with me."

James dragged Lily down the busy streets of London. In the distance Remus yelled, "Have fun kids!"

Lily wasn't sure how long they had been running. The busy tourists blurred next to her as she tried to keep up with James. Suddenly he came to a stop. Before Lily could realize, she crashed right into him.

"You ok, Red?" James said, laughing.

"Just fantastic. Where are we anyway?"

James nodded to the wooden shack that lay in front of them. "This, Lily Evans, is the Leaky Caldron. It's a bloody miracle you've haven't been here before." Without waiting for Lily's response, he stepped forward, opening the front door. Inside, it wasn't much bigger. It was quiet, Lily noticed. A few couples sat in the back corner laughing over some butterbeer. A single man sat at the bar, hood up, indulged in his liquor. "The Marauders and I used to come up here all the time when we could sneak out in the summers."

Lily nodded, watching as James sat down in a booth. He gestured for her to do the same. "You coming, Red?"

She sat down across from him, still looking around the bar. It was much darker than she imagined. She supposed she had never seen such a place before. Lily scoffed, imagining Petunia's expression if she had walked in here, especially alongside James Potter. Petunia didn't know much about the wizarding world, but she knew about him; just another 'freak.' Lily supposed she had complained loudly enough to Noah about James' constant shenanigans that her sister seemed to catch an ear.

"So what do you say? Care for a little firewhiskey?"

"Hell, why not?" Lily said as she brought herself back to reality, a smile returning to her face. She watched as James called out to the bartender and turned back to her gaze. Lily was never one to drink, but this was a whole other circumstance entirely.

James smiled at her. It wasn't the first time she noticed how handsome he was. That crooked smile of his, the rectangular glasses slipping off his nose. No. She pushed all of those thoughts out of her mind. It was James Potter. James _freaking _Potter. Absolutely not.

The bartender stood at the edge of their table, holding two small glasses filled to the rim with a dark liquid and ice. James muttered a thank you and handed him a few sickles.

"Here's to actually remembering this in the morning!" James laughed, handing Lily a glass. The two tapped the glasses and James took a gulp. Lily found herself just staring at the liquor, unable to drink it. "You do realize you're supposed to drink after someone makes a toast, right?"

Lily rolled her eyes, still staring at the glass in front of her. "Of course I do. It's just…"

"Shit. Do you not drink?"

"It's not that. Believe me; I have plenty of reasons to drink at the moment. It's just the last time I drank firewhiskey, well, it didn't go too well."

James sat forward, taking another sip of the whiskey. His eyes screamed with excitement. He must have trying very hard to contain himself. "Oh you've got to tell me about that one."

"I don't think so Potter."

"Oh come on. I bought your drink, you owe me a story."

Lily rolled her eyes, and took a deep breath. "Well, I had gone to a party with a bunch of horrible people I disliked after my dad took office back in June; the prissy rich type. They kept going on and on about all the men they had slept with and how little they cared about the poor and unemployed. I just couldn't stand them, you see? So I grabbed a bottle, chugged the whole thing and the four shots next to it, and I can't remember much after that."

"I wouldn't expect that, that's for sure." James smiled, clearly intrigued with Lily's embarrassing past.

"From what I gathered from Noah, I punched a few guys, got in a girl fight, downed an entire keg, slashed someone's tires, and bitch slapped those horrible girls I mentioned before. Turns out, I'm quite the crazy drunk."

James threw his head back, laughing hysterically. After he calmed down he came to face Lily, a stern look covering her eyes. "Oh come on, it's funny! Besides, one drink won't turn you into Crazy Lily."

She looked down at the glass. Truthfully, she wasn't worried about getting drunk and going crazy. It was only one drink, after all. But then Lily remembered Voldemort; how he had called for her death, how she would never see her family or Noah for months, and how little she had control over her own life. In one quick movement Lily picked up the glass and guzzled the whole thing.  
"That's what I'm talking about!" James threw his hand in the air. "Now that you've got that buzz, it's time to hit the streets. Come on." He chugged the rest of his glass, slamming it onto the table. He slid out of the booth and came to Lily's side. James offered her his hand. "Come along Evans."

Lily stood, ignoring James hand and ran out the front door, leaving James to follow her this time.

* * *

**James. **

He was never quite sure where he was going. It was always a sort of go-with-the-flow sort of thing with James. The wind began to pick up as the blue sky turned dark. It was nearly eleven o'clock. Time had gone by incredibly fast.

"So, do you actually have somewhere in mind, or are we just going to aimlessly walk the streets of London?" Lily asked.

Before James could think of a something witty to say, he spotted a man sitting outside a pub. James studied the bloke. He held his newspaper high enough to cover most of his face, though James could tell he was a sketchy guy. But something was off; his hand reached for what looked like a small camera before James realized what was going on.

He was staring at them. No, he was staring at Lily. James grabbed Lily's hand, stopping her in her tracks. The man stood, throwing the paper aside. He shouted something to a man sitting at the bar and the two of them began to run. Soon, an enormous crowd filled with photographers surrounded the pair.

Lily turned to James. "We have to get out of here. If my father sees this…"

Detecting the worry in Lily's voice, James wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders protectively. "I know, I've got this." With one arm around Lily, he pushed with his other. The men with cameras were so close. He wondered how Lily was able to deal with this so often. He soon understood that she probably didn't know how. She had always hated people in her space. She was such a private person.

"Come off guys! Give her some space!" But James was cut off by the shouting requests.

"Lily Evans! Lily!"

"Are you dating, Lily?"

"Just a quick picture, Miss!"

"Who's the stud?"

"What are your feelings on England's new fiscal policy?"

"Oh come on, show us that face of yours!"

"Come on, sweetheart!"

James and Lily continued to push their way through the crowd of photographers. A few had knocked into Lily, nearly pushing her over and he desperately wanted to pull out his wand. Doing so could land him a spot in Azkaban for cursing paparazzi in the muggle streets. But he almost didn't care. They wouldn't back off. Lily groaned as one tried to grab her side.

"Hey, get off her!" James yelled, pulling Lily closer. She pushed her face into his chest, probably trying to avoid the flashing cameras. When they were finally able to reach the edge of the mob, the two broke into a sprint. For a while the men chased them. After a mile or so, each one had given up. Nearly running out of breath, James ran into an abandoned alley way. Lily jogged in not long after.

"Well… that was… interesting." James panted. He rested his hands on his knees, hunching over for air. Lily laughed.

"Welcome to my life." For a while they were silent. But James didn't mind. He watched as Lily ran her fingers through her red hair, smiling nervously.

Lily stared at the ground, biting her lower lip. "My mother will be checking in on me soon. We should start heading back."

James nodded, wondering what was bothering her. But he knew better than to pry. Lily was always so defensive and he knew there was a reason for it. James had an assignment in the morning; he couldn't spend much more time with her anyway. They walked in silence for a long time.

A thunderous boom erupted from the sky, and grey clouds immediately stormed into view. Lily whipped away from him, grabbing onto is hand, tugging relentlessly. "Come on!" She yelled.

With a wide smile across his face, James followed the ginger, his body being pulled along by his wrist. Within minutes they arrived back at the silver gates. James pushed them open quickly while Lily shuttered anxiously. They weaved in and out of the bushed and flowers, the guests from the banquet following not far behind. She led him through the glass gates, down the great hall and through a never ending passage way.

Suddenly Lily pointed to an entry on the right. "This is it."

James pushed up his sleeves and smiled arrogantly.

"Oh just open the doors already! I'm soaked!"

"Alright, alright." James cooed, turning his back to the girl and placing his hands against the doors. With great force, he pushed open the wooden doors of what he assumed to be Lily's bedroom. He had never seen something so extravagant. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, with Persian rugs below. She had two floors, one of which was entirely devoted to clothes and whatever else girls use to get ready. The second, held her bed, vanity, and frames of artwork.

"Nice, huh?"

James nodded, still amazed by its extravagance. "It's insane. If only I was a teenage girl, I would go to town in this place."

Lily laughed, covering her lips with her hand. She was so beautiful, he thought. James suddenly felt nervous. She seemed so comfortable. It was strange. They had gone nearly an hour without bickering. He couldn't remember a time they were friendly. It was nice.

James ran a hand through his insanely messy black hair, shrugging his shoulders. "Ok. I pretty much already know your answer, but, I want to take you out tomorrow night. It'll be a real date. Like I'll take you to a fancy place and we'll eat food and whatever. We got along pretty well tonight, and I know you had fun- don't deny it Evans. I like my chances this time. What do you say? I'll buy you flowers if you like; it'll be the whole shebang."

Lily's face instantly fell. She stared at the ground, nervously playing with the ends of her hair. She pushed James' arms away. "I… I can't do this." She took a step back, walking over to the window across the room. She stared out it, as if bars kept her in. The smile on James' face dropped.

"What's wrong?" He followed her, placing his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. Within a second, she wiped her body away from his touch defensively. She softened for a moment when she saw the confused look on James' face.

"It's a long story."

"I don't mind."

Lily didn't turn around. "I don't have time to explain my life story to you, Potter. I have so much going on and my own sister can't even take the time to _try_ and care, or even acknowledge the fact that I'll probably end up… I just don't have time…" She slammed her hands against the window pane. James stepped closer behind, aware of how upset she truly was. It pained him to see her like this; a solid substance burned in his chest. She turned around. A gentle smile barely lifted the edges of her lips.

A tear formed in the side of her eye. James wanted nothing more than to reach out and wipe it away. His mouth parted a little, surprised by Lily's sudden change of character.

Lily continued, "Do you even know what that's like; to crave someone's attention and affection only to be slapped in the face every _fucking _time? It gets old. But yet, I can't stop."

James knew all too well how she was feeling. Unknowingly, Lily did the same thing to him every time she bluntly rejected his attempts to court her. Sometimes he used to wish that she could understand how horrible it felt, the way he did. And now that he saw it, he would have taken a million more hits and blows to stop this.

"Everything is just so complicated right now. With everything that's been going on, I really can't allow myself to start caring about anyone. It's hard enough that I'm going to miss all my friends and family… but… but, I _can't_ miss you too."

"Lily, what are you talking about?" James attempted to reach forward and grasp onto Lily's shoulders but she pulled away.

"No! You don't get to do this to me, Potter!" Lily reached forward at threw her fists against James' chest. It didn't hurt much. She was so small. But she didn't stop fighting. "You don't get to come here and be nice to me and pretend like we're friends or something! Because we're not! I don't even like you, Potter! Just get out!"

James grabbed her wrists before she punched him again. "What on earth are you even talking about?"

Lily opened her mouth to speak again but stopped suddenly and with wide eyes, stared at the door. Behind it, heavy footsteps could be heard bounding down the hall way.

"Lily! When I get in there I swear to God you will regret the day you were born! You ungrateful little freak!" The voice booming from the hallway James could only assume to be Lily's sister, Petunia. The redhead turned to him quickly.

She began to push James in the direction of the window. "You have to leave, now." The worry in her voice alarmed him; he grabbed a hold of her forearm.

"Lily…"

She smiled as though it was a mask, "Please, just go…"

A vicious knocking began against her door. "Open this door!"

"James," She grabbed James by the hand, dragging him forcefully this time. She opened it, fiercely throwing the curtains aside. "I'm sorry, honest I am. I just… I need you to leave."

James shook his head, adamant not to leave. "I'm an auror, Lily. I can handle myself. Besides, she's just your sister. What can she possibly do? You don't have to open that door…"

"You don't understand!" Lily shouted at him. James stepped back, alarmed by her sudden rage. "I can't help it…"

Then James understood what she was rambling about before; her sister. She needed her sister and all she got in return were vicious words and utter loathing.

James reached out, trying to comfort her but she pushed him away. "Lily…"

"Get out! Now!" She began to push his chest again, flailing against it when he didn't budge.

James grabbed a tight hold of the shuddering girl's shoulders, forcing her to stand still. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't need you!" Lily struggled violently against James' grasp. "Don't you get it? I don't need you to protect me or do me any favors! Get off!"

"I'm not leaving you." James said, more firmly. She looked up at him and suddenly her body relaxed.

"Please don't make it any harder than it is." Her emerald eyes stared at him. He had never seen a sadder sight. James gazed at her for a while, longing to stay.

Begrudgingly, he threw open the window. But before he made an effort to leave, he grabbed a hold of Lily, hugging her tightly. He could feel her shaking in his arms. James held her closer as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She buried her head in his chest. James rested his chin above her head. He ran his fingers through her ginger hair. "You better stick up for yourself, you understand? She doesn't get to boss you around. You're better than that."

"Please, you-"

"IF YOU DON'T OPEN THIS DOOR… SO HELP ME LILY…"

She became silent, staring into James' deep hazel eyes. "Please." Lily whispered almost too soft to hear.

James nodded, removing his hands from her trembling body, and reluctantly began to crawl out the second story window. He eyed the beautiful girl one last time, not wanting to leave her alone. Her eyes were swollen with tears as she watched him jump, pleading wordlessly for him to take her along.

* * *

Sirius slammed an empty glass onto the table. "Oooh man, I love this place." He said as he put his arms behind his head, slouching into the booth.

James shrugged, not paying much attention to his friend. All he could see was Lily, everywhere he looked. She was the girl passed out on the floor, the waitress handing Sirius another drink, the bartender passing beers to anyone who asked. He couldn't get the girl out of his mind.

He couldn't help but wonder what had happened after he left her room only a mere hour ago. Petunia didn't appear to be the easily forgiving type. It all swarmed through his mind, replaying over and over again. He'd never seen Lily so weak, so fragile. She was always so strong willed. It just never occurred to him that her sister could be so emotionally abusive. Lily always seemed so… together.

In recent months, James had been trained to read people, anticipate their next moves, and know them before they knew themselves. So he knew the Petunia. He knew she grew up in a good home, but strayed from the morals her parent's preached. He could see the look in the woman's eyes when she stared at her sister; disappointment and embarrassment. It was enough for a woman with those qualities to be driven mad.

James picked up his shot glass, still filled to the rim with Vodka. He stared at it longingly, wanting nothing more than to drown himself in the tempting alcohol and forget this whole night. But he couldn't. His best friend was far too wasted to make it home on his own, and he could never abandon him.

"Dude, come on! You haven't even touched your drink yet. If you don't swallow that shit soon, I'm gonna take it from you." Sirius said, his words slurred.

James pulled the glass away from Sirius' outstretched hand. "No Padfoot, you've had enough already."

A tall blonde haired woman walked up to their booth, holding a clipboard in her hand. James could already tell her patience was growing thin with the intoxicated teenage boy. "Anything else boys?"

Sirius raised his hand, waiting anxiously to be called on as if he was back at Hogwarts.

The waitress rolled her eyes. "Yes?"

"Ok, so I want, like, another one of those red shot things, and a Corona and some onion rings, and one of those pineapple fruity drinks.. Should I get that? Are those good? Too girly? Yeah, too girly. Scratch that last one. I'm a man by the way. I like monster trucks and quidditch. Do you like brooms? And flying? Flying is fun. But not when you run into trees. That hurts. A lot more than you'd think. We should go out some time. You're pretty." Sirius' voice rambled off faster than James or the waitress could keep up.

James grabbed his friends arm. "I'm cutting you off man. You're making a fool of yourself."

"Oh come on! I've only had like…" Sirius looked aimlessly at his fingers, trying to count it out on his hands. He held out eight fingers. "…two."

"Yeah, try twenty. You should be comatose right now."

"Twenty? Ha! Moony owes me a chocolate frog." Sirius' voice was slow and drawn out. James could tell he was seconds from falling asleep. And sure enough, Padfoot's head slammed onto the table and he was out cold. James made eye contact with the blonde waitress; she nodded and went to get the check.

After a while, Sirius began to snore, though it didn't seem to bother anyone in the crowded bar. It was after all, 1:30 in the morning and almost everyone in the bar was either passed out, or so drunk the sound of a megaphone wouldn't alert them.

It was nearly two o'clock by the time James was able to drag his best mate back to their apartment. Sirius was passed out in his bed as James sat on the floor, resting against the wooden frame. He stared painfully at the door.

"This is ridiculous. Get up. Go find her." James muttered to himself. He needed to see Lily. He needed to know what happened, to make sure she was alright. It was burning into his mind; her petrified eyes scorched the back of his own. The mere thought of remembering the tiny tears falling from the emerald pained him. Without a second thought James jumped up to his feet, grabbed his wand from the dresser and walked out the door.

* * *

**Lily**

It was an accident. Petunia didn't mean it. She had a right to be angry, didn't she?

"_I can't believe you, Lily!" Petunia stormed through the door the moment Lily was able to unlock it. She charged to the center of the room, hands firmly on her hips. "You don't get to do just zone out and then disappear in the middle of the banquet! I had an important speech, remember?"_

_And then Lily did remember. Petunia had told her about it earlier that day. Half way through Petunia was supposed to gesture to her sister and Lily would stand and wave with a smile. She forgot. She was gone; off with James Potter. _

"_Petunia… I…"_

"_Oh save it!" she groaned. "The one time I try and do something decent for you, you don't even show up!"_

"_I'm sorry, Tuney; I kind of have a lot on my mind…" Lily stuttered out. She folded her arms and waited for a reaction. _

_Petunia's mouth was agape. She glared with an intensity that Lily hadn't seen in a long time. She walked over towards Lily's mirror and stared into it. _

"_I'm aware of your… _situation._" Petunia said. "That doesn't mean I have to pretend like it means something to me."_

_Lily felt the floor ripe out from underneath her. "Tuney, you don't mean that…"_

"_What would make you think I'm lying?" Petunia turned around, shouting now. "All those times we hung out together, just talking about boys? Or when I'd invite you to hang out with me and my friends? Oh! And what about that time when I found out I was a witch, too? Huh!?"_

_Lily didn't speak. She couldn't find words._

"_Newsflash, Lily! None of that ever happened!" Petunia huffed and startled to storm past Lily towards the door. "So don't come to me like we're friends… because we aren't!"_

"_Petunia!" Lily stepped forward and grabbed onto her sister's arm. Within an instant of the touch, Petunia shrieked and with both hands, threw Lily off of her. Lily staggered back, losing her balance. She slammed against the corner of the desk, face first. And then it was dark. _

Lily threw the blankets off her and swung her legs over the side of the bed. It was nearly 2:30 in the morning and sleep still didn't seem like a plausible option. She grabbed the banister for stability and rose to her feet. Lily winced slightly from the pain emerging from her head. She raised her fingers to her forehead, cringing at the feeling of an open scar. Lily looked up and saw her reflection in the mirror next to her nightstand.

The scar took up nearly a third of her forehead and dried blood stained the side of her face. She'd see Mark in the morning and he could make it go away before she left. But for right now, Lily needed to get out. She knew that running away would certainly condemn her fate, but an hour to herself on the streets of London wouldn't. Without taking the time to address the wound, Lily climbed out the same window James escaped from hours ago.

* * *

The wind was much cooler than Lily had expected. With just leggings and an oversized t shirt, she shuddered against the air. But she didn't seem to mind much as she glanced around at the people passing by. This was the time when people really came out. Couples strolled along the sidewalk, clinging to each other after a long night of drinking. A man, who must have been there for hours, sat on a bench holding a bouquet of flowers and the saddest face Lily had ever seen.

Only the street lamps lit up the town square and it was peaceful. She knew her father would be absolutely furious if he knew she had gone out alone, especially after recent events. But it seemed right. Besides, she needed space. The pulsing in her head didn't stop, but she was getting much better at ignoring it.

With her arms folded across her chest, and her eyes planted on the ground, she almost didn't see James Potter walking in her direction.

Lily did a double take before she realized it was him and briefly considered running into the nearest shop to hide. But he didn't seem to notice her just yet. His hands were tucked tightly into his pockets as the wind carelessly blew around his already messy hair.

He couldn't see her like this; not with this massive cut on her face. She would look so weak. Lily just couldn't allow James Potter to see her vulnerable. That was just unacceptable.

True, he had been half of a decent human being tonight, but that doesn't mean that he wouldn't exploit every chance he got. He was still the same arrogant, pig headed, annoying prat he was at Hogwarts. Lily refused to believe otherwise.

Without meaning to, Lily begin to walk backwards. She wished silently he wouldn't lift his head. He would see her in an instant for her red hair stuck out plain as day. As if on cue, James' eyes perked up as Lily accidentally tripped over a metal garbage can, making the most obnoxious sound.

"Evans?"

_Shit. _Lily quickly gathered herself and before she knew it, she was running in the opposite direction.

"Hey, Lily! Wait!" James yelled as he sprinted after her. He was a fast one, she'd give him that. Within a few minutes, he was running at her side. "Are you going to stop sometime soon, Evans? It's late, and I'm tired."

Lily didn't respond.

"Oh come on!" James grabbed her shoulders, pulling her to an abrupt stop. "You can't just push me out a window and not expect me to just be ok with it. And what's up with this, why are you running from me?" His voice wasn't as angry as Lily thought it would be. In fact, it was much kinder and filled with a sadness she's never heard in him before.

"It's not important." Lily brushed her hair over her forehead, hoping he didn't see. "I just needed some air, is all."

"So you thought you'd take a light sprint at three in the morning?"

"Yes."

James sighed, releasing Lily's arms. He ran a hand through his messy hair, doing nothing to tidy it up. "You don't need to keep lying to me, Evans. I know your sister is a crazy person. I just want to make sure you're alright."

His sincerity bothered Lily. He had always been this egotistical jerk through school, and suddenly he was being kind and quite frankly enjoyable. That frightened her much more than Voldemort ever could. "I'm fine, really. Nothing happened. She just yelled a bit. It's none of your business anyway."

Subconsciously, she pushed her hair behind her ears. James suddenly took a sharp intake of breath and Lily realized that she had revealed the scar on her forehead. Next thing she knew, James' hands were pushing more hair away from the scar, examining it gently. He cupped one hand on Lily's cheek; the other stroked the tender area around the open wound. Lily winced.

James' eyes weren't angry or really sad, but instead they filled with guilt. "I was there. I could've done something…"

Lily removed James' hands from her face, and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "No, you couldn't have. It's not a big deal; just an accident. Let it go."

He was silent for a while, just staring at Lily. The concern in his face startled Lily. He genuinely cared and that terrified her. "Does she do this a lot; throw you into sharp objects?" His words were flat, almost as if he couldn't allow himself to be emotional anymore.

"It doesn't matter; it won't happen again."

James perked up. "Why? What's changed?"

Lily didn't respond. For whatever reason, she didn't want James to know she was leaving tomorrow and she would probably never see him again. Even after all of his lame attempts for her affection at school, and his arrogant ways and hexing of her friends, he was a decent guy. She had seen this side of him today and she wasn't to sure she was ready to throw it all away.

"Lily!" A third voice called her name from behind her. Lily spun around to see Mark sprinting in her direction. When he came to a stop, he leaned over to catch his breath. "Oh thank God I found you. I thought you took off."

"I just needed a walk and I ran into my umm, my…"

"James." He extended a welcoming hand. Mark shook it, eyeing Lily encouraging.

"Pleasure. I'm Mark." He turned to Lily. "Noah's been having a panic attack. No one has told your father, or Mad Eye, thank Lord."

"Hold up," James interrupted as he adjusted his glasses. "Why is Mad Eye at your place?"

Both chose to ignore James' interjection. Mark continued. "I need to get you back. We have to fix you up by tomorrow morning. We can't have your parents see you like this. Come on, dear."

Mark extended an arm around Lily's shoulders. She looked up at James who was just as confused as ever. "Goodbye, Potter."

"I'll catch you later than, Evans. I promise you that." James smiled as he waved a hand in the air and shoved the other in his pocket.

As Mark and Lily made their way back to the mansion, he leaned over and with a saddened tone he asked, "You didn't tell him, did you?"

Lily shrugged, almost wishing she did. Almost.

* * *

She woke to the sound of angry voices echoing down the long hallway outside her door. Her head pounded fiercely as she sprang up in her bed, hearing the curdling scream of her name through her best friend's angry voice. Noah and her sister were arguing again, about her.

"She's your sister!" Noah yelled, following a thunderous shatter of glass.

"You can't speak to me like this! You are _nothing_ in this world, Bagnold. Remember that." Provoking Petunia had always been something Noah could achieve easily, and he had no problem doing it, for he was not timid around her like Lily was.

Lily's eyes popped open and the brightness burned her head. Suddenly the events from the previous night began to roar back into her mind. The meeting, Voldemort, James, her mother, the Leaky Cauldron, the paparazzi, James, James, James… his face filled her eyes. His soft, wispy, black hair, his piercingly gorgeous eyes, the thick rimmed glasses that stood out against his pale skin, the undeniable pain in his expression as he climbed out the window, the guilt in his eyes when her saw her scar.

She couldn't figure out why, but she longed to see him again. He had been the single person in months that treated her like she mattered, that she wasn't just some prize to be won. He truly cared and she honestly didn't know why.

As she walked closer to the door, she wondered what he was doing right now. He was probably gallivanting around town with Sirius, picking up girls. That's what James was like. She knew that. She had to keep him out of her mind.

Lily hated this life more than she could ever say. She turned around just as she reached the door and stared longingly at the window, praying James would swoop back in the way he had left, though she knew it would never happen. She would never see him again. She tried to convince herself she was ok with that. She never liked James. Hell, most of the time she could hardly stand him. Maybe it was best that way. She was to be dead in a few weeks anyway.

Lily had her back to the door when Noah came storming in. The door slammed against the wall and in its momentum, swung back and smashed shut. His pounding footsteps weren't enough to turn her around. "Lily!"

She didn't turn around. She kept her eyes on the window, wanting nothing more than to jump out and run away.

"Lil, please, look at me." Noah's pained voice whispered behind her.

She didn't move. Instead, she pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face. Noah carefully walked around to Lily's side and sat on the hardwood floor next to her. "I'm going to kill her."

"Noah, it was an accident. She didn't mean it."

Noah sighed, putting his arm around Lily's shoulder. He pulled her closer to him. "She left you there. She left you, unconscious and bleeding… it had to have been nearly a half hour before Mark found you and put you in bed."

Lily shook her head.

"Let me see the damage." Noah asked plainly when he realized he wasn't going to get a response from Lily.

She sighed and lifted her head.

Noah's whole face dropped, his eyes filled with overwhelming sadness. "Oh Lily…"

Her forehead bore a scar of two inches that left stained blood down her cheek and eyelid.

Noah pulled the redhead into his arms, and ran his fingers through her hair. She gripped onto his arm. "It's going to be ok, I promise."

It didn't really matter anymore what Petunia thought. In a few hours, Lily would be on her way out of the country, never to see her sister again.

* * *

**ahh chapter two... Hope you enjoyed it! :) **

**reviews are _much _appreciated!**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	3. Farewell London

**James.**

"Padfoot! Move!" James yelled. He ran around the tiny apartment picking up every spare article of clothing lying on the floor. Sirius laughed; butterbeer in hand, as he jumped onto his bed.

"Calm down James. We've still got twenty minutes."

James stopped, standing upright. "Twenty minutes? Twenty minutes to pack, put on a suit and tie and get to the Minister's home which is… what… twenty-five minutes from here? I don't think so!"

Sirius jumped up. "Shit!"

The two Marauders scurried around the apartment frantically. James threw off his sweat pants, tucking them into the suitcase as fast as he could. He pulled on his black dress pants and buttoned up the white shirt. James swung a skinny red tie around his neck. By the time he looked up into the mirror, Sirius was sitting back on his bed, suited up, case packed.

"What the hell, Padfoot?" James shouted.

Sirius shrugged. "You do know we have wands, right?"

Suddenly James felt incredibly silly. He let out a loan groan and trudged over to the dresser. He grabbed his wand and muttered "_Terge_" as he pointed at the mess of clothes around the tiny flat.

The room started to pick up itself. Scattered clothes along the floor folded in midair and placed themselves into James' case. Cluttered papers piled neatly on the desk and cobwebs vanished from the ceiling.

"Cool, now that that's been taken care of, let's go." Sirius said, picking up his bag and heading towards the door. He stopped when James didn't follow. "You coming Prongs?"

James nodded, deep in thought. "What do you think this is about, anyway?"

Sirius shrugged. "Not sure. But come on. You were the one pissing about being late."

Grabbing his case and stuffing his wand in his pocket, James followed his best mate out the door and into the busy streets of London. It was nearly five o'clock in the morning though it wasn't evident on the boys' faces. Without showers, two hours of sleep and just stepping out of bed half an hour prior, they still looked surprisingly attractive. James and Sirius quite enjoyed the attention.

It was silent on the walkway. No businessmen scurrying around with their briefcases, or tall thin women in five inch heels; only tourists who were seriously confused due to the time difference. James held back a snicker as the family of five shouted and argued about which subway route to take.

Within twenty minutes, they had arrived at the Minister's home. As they stepped in, James suddenly felt the need to find Lily. He looked over to Sirius, who was glancing at a nearby clock anxiously. James bit his lip and nearly took a run for it down the hall towards Lily's room when Alastor Moody joined them.

"Evening Boys!" He said, slapping a hand on Sirius' back. "Nice of you to show up."

"Sorry, Sir." James began, eyes still searching around the halls for any sign of the red hair. "We missed the alarm."

"Well, you're lucky the Prime Minister is the forgiving type. Follow me."

They followed the head auror down the long corridor, further and further from Lily's room. He led them to a conference area James had been to before. Moody pushed open the large, wooden doors and allowed the young aurors inside.

As they stepped in they were met by Ben Carter and Arthur Marks, both aurors in their mid-twenties who had helped to train them the previous summer. The Prime Minister stood up. His face crinkled in confusion. "These boys will be looking after her?" He questioned Moody curiously.

Moody nodded. "They may look young, but I promise sir, they are much more talented than they appear. Best I've seen in a decade." Moody pushed out his chest proudly.

James stretched out a hand. The Minster grasped it tightly, shaking it respectively. "I'm James. James Potter. This here is Sirius Black."

"Pleasure, Boys." He said. Sirius shook his hand as well. The Minister smiled. "Excellent. The best for my Lily, then."

James head picked up anxiously. His heart seemed to fall out of his chest. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Moody elbowed James in the side. "Manners, boy."

The Minister smiled sadly. "It's quite alright Alastor. I believe it's time to debrief these young men. If you will take a seat, I will fetch my daughter."

As the Minister left, James turned to Sirius. "What the hell is he talking about? What does this have to do with Lily?"

Sirius shrugged. Moody sat down at the table, across from the boys. "Now listen well. I will only explain this once." With that, he pulled a letter out of his pocket and began to read.

* * *

**Lily**

Lily sat in her room, aimlessly staring at the walls. It all seemed to blur together; the posters along the wall, the television on the stand, the frame of her bed. A pit formed in her stomach. She wouldn't see this room again. "This is bullshit." Lily said, throwing a hairbrush into the mirror in front of her.

"Language, daughter." The Minister said, sneaking up behind her. Lily jumped, but ultimately smiled in the presence of her father. She stood and ran into his arms.

"I don't want to go…"

The Minister gently stroked his daughter's hair. This was much harder on his daughter than he could have believed at the time. The Minister had to force all thoughts of Lily's fear from his mind. If he allowed them to consume him, he would never let her go. And then surely, Lily would die.

"I know sweetheart. Alastor has the best aurors he knows on your case. A young Potter and Black, I believe."

Lily pulled away. "What?" She was quite taken back. Never did she even imagine that it would James and Sirius… it was mad. It was… insane! They were her age after all, what could they possibly do to protect her that she couldn't do herself?

Was it because they were men?

No. Her father thought too highly of her for that.

Perhaps it was for comfort; so she wouldn't be alone. She would have two boys she trusts; though Lily would never admit it. Suddenly, a relief came over her. She would see James again. James was always a charmer and quite the arse, but he seemed to have a genuine side last night. It was new. Lily found herself wanting that part of him back. She wanted his messy black hair, his striking hazel eyes, his quirky off centered smile…

But… no. James Potter _is still_ James Potter. Done and done. Lily tried to force those thoughts from her head, but they didn't seem to budge. James Potter was officially implanted in her mind.

Lily let out a heavy sigh, and pushed her hair from her eyes.

Her father continued, "I've just met them actually. Polite young lads they are. Do you know them?"

Lily nodded. "Yes. They were in my year at Hogwarts. I knew they went on to be aurors but I didn't know they could get cases like this."

The Minister questioned, "Is there a problem? I've been told they are quite brilliant. I can arrange for a new set if you like."

"No. No, that's fine." Inside, Lily's stomach began to twist with the thought of spending every waking moment with the Marauders. She'd never be alone again. But then again, was that such a bad thing? "They _are_ brilliant, dad. I've seen them in Defense against the Dark Arts. I'll be alright with them." She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

She stared at the mirror in front of her. She wore dark washed jeans and a baggy white v neck. She pondered if she should change, but decided not to when her father beckoned her to leave. Lily followed the Minister down the hall where they met up with Noah and his father. The two Ministers exchanged pleasantries, though neither could hide the sorrow in their eyes.

Noah stepped forward, noting Lily's lower lip begin to quiver. "How are you?" He asked, hugging her tightly.

"Considering our current situation? Not currently a danger to myself, or those around me. But, hey, we'll see."

Noah smiled, lifting her face with his finger. "Cheer up, Lil. We'll be home in no time."

Lily nodded, not sure if he was lying or not. Without another word, the four walked into the grand room. Inside, the five aurors stood immediately. She tried her best to avoid James' eyes as she walked in behind Noah, clutching his arm. Lily stared solely at the ground as she walked, and then into her hands as she sat down. Her heart was racing, and she didn't quite understand it. Why did she care so much what James was thinking? Was he angry at her for not telling him? Did he care at all?

"Potter and Black will travel with Lily. Marks and Carter will go with Noah. I believe you all know one another. I thought it would be less painful in the company of friends." Moody began. Both Ministers nodded.

"Yes, thank you Alastor. It will be a struggle, no doubt. But you must stay strong, kids. You will return home in a few months. Home by Christmas, in fact! Voldemort will be in that Wizard prison, Azkaban, and all will be well." Lily's father said with such a large smile that it was only assumed to be forged. He tried his best and Lily appreciated it. If he had broken down, there would be no coming back for her. She'd be hysterical.

Noah smiled awkwardly. "Home by Christmas…" He repeated, nudging Lily in the side.

Moody continued. "All the aurors have been debriefed. I will leave where you go to up the head auror. Do not correspond your locations with the others. Is that clear?"

They all nodded. Noah and his aurors stood up and made their way to the back corner of the room. But Lily didn't budge. She kept staring into her fiddling hands. One thumb over the other, and then under, and then over…

Across the table, James reached his hand across, stopping the shaking.

Lily looked up, redness in her eyes. James smiled gently, no trace of anger or frustration in his face. Instead, his eyes were filled with sadness, a sight Lily was still not used to seeing.

James released her hand awkwardly and sat back. "Alright, so Sirius and I were talking and I think we should head to Liverpool first. It's not a bad place to hang around, and it's a fresh start. We won't stay anywhere for too long. It'll be tough, and I guarantee it, tensions will run high. Yes, I'm talking to you too, Sirius. But I mean it; we have to keep the witty bickering to a minimum Evans." James smiled, trying his best to lighten her mood but came up unsuccessful.

Lily nodded.

Sirius stood up. "I'm going to get the bags and make sure we have enough equipment." He noticed the strain in Lily's eyes. "We'll take care of you, Evans. I swear to it."

With that Sirius ran off out the room and down the hall. Lily looked over towards Noah, who wore an enormous smile across his face. He patted Marks on the back as they continued in conversation. Lily found that she couldn't take her eyes away. Was this the last time she would ever see Noah? She could hardly imagine spending however many weeks away from him. He had always been a constant in her life, and to have him ripped away… it was unimaginable.

An image floated through her mind that warped a horrid pit in her stomach. But no, she couldn't allow herself to think of his possible death. Noah was going to be fine. And so was she. There was no other way around it.

A hand rested on her shoulder and she turned around, suddenly frightened.

"Sorry, it's just me." James said. Lily hadn't even noticed that he moved. How long had she sat like that? Hours could have passed for all she knew. She stood to her feet, nearly falling over as she became light headed. James grabbed her arms. "How are you holding up?"

She smiled half heartedly. "I'm fine, Potter."

"And you knew all about this last night?"

Here it comes, she thought. Suddenly an unknown rage boiled inside her. "Yeah, I did. It was a lot to handle and we don't exactly like each other very much… I had no reason to tell you! So if you're just going to give me shit about it then you can just sh-"

James smiled, squeezing Lily's arm and cutting her off quickly. "I was just going to say that it very brave of you; to keep a strong face like that." She looked up at him, confused. "Voldemort's a serious bloke."

Lily nodded, yanking her arms from James' grasp. She looked around the room awkwardly, not wanting to make eye contact. "I didn't know what else to do."

"Well you don't need to worry. Me and Sirius, we'll keep you safe. Nothing is going to happen, I promise."

Lily nodded and collapsed onto a nearby chair. She sat down, focused her eyes on the opposing wall, and didn't move.

* * *

**James**

Lily appeared completely breakable, like one touch would shatter her entire body. It was such a new sight for him. She had always been so strong, not even harsh words from Severus Snape could break her. James sighed heavily, wanting desperately to hold her in his arms, do anything to help settle her fears.

She sat back down into that chair, staring longingly at the floor. She appeared nearly comatose. Her eyes, once shining and vibrant in green now dulled with a red blur. Her smile had disappeared without a trace. She was gone entirely. But it wasn't a sadness he was seeing. It was just… nothing.

Her eyes were completely glazed over and it was as if her soul had been ripped from her body. She was lifeless and cold…

James studied her face as she stared helplessly into the ground. He had seen her like this only once, and only for the briefest of moments when she was trying to force him out the window.

He parted his lips slightly, wanting to say something… anything…

Just then, Sirius came running through the doors. He was panting, his wand at the ready. Every head in the room whipped around, staring.

Sirius grasped onto the doorframe for support and attempted to say something. No words came out. Sweat dripped down his brow, and his shirt was ripped in a long and jagged tare on his right arm. A deep crimson oozed out the side. He clutched the wound with his free hand, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Sirius…" James started but he was quickly cut off as Sirius regained his breath.

"They're here!" He shouted as he ran in James' direction, nearly knocking him over. Sirius grabbed onto James' shoulders and yelled, much louder than inteneded, "The Death Eaters are here!"

James shook Sirius' hands off his shoulders. "Calm down, Padfoot. What happened?"

He shook his head violently and grabbed a firm hold on Lily's arm. "No time. We leave. Now!"

Lily stared at Noah across the room. Her eyes were so filled with fear she was unable to move. She didn't seem to notice James and Sirius arguing frantically behind her. She ripped her arm away in one swift movement and ran across the room, jumping over and around chairs.

"Lily!" James shouted, twisting his body around in all directions looking for the redhead. He hadn't notice her escape from Sirius' grasp. When he finally saw her, she was wrapped in the arms of Noah Bagnold. He held her close as she pushed her face into his chest. James ran to her as fast as he could; rummaging through the fallen seats and tables. "We have to go now, Evans!"

A loud crash erupted outside the entrance. Waves of multicolored light seeped through the cracks in the doors. James could hear a loud scream from the other side. He turned to the door, staring as they shook violently.

"Get them out of here!" Moody shouted, casting a curse in the direction of the door. James nodded and realized what he had to do. He had to be cruel. He had to be a horrible man for the next few minutes or Lily wasn't going to get out of here alive. He had to remove Lily from the one person she cared for most and drag her away.

James took a deep breath. He grabbed onto Lily's arm, more violently than he intended, and ripped her from Noah's embrace. Lily didn't seem to recognize what was happening until Noah stood to his feet. He stared James directly in the eye, silently wishing him well before he smiled one last time at Lily and took off.

Lily watched as he ran towards his aurors. She was frozen still.

"Come on Evans!" James shouted. His hands closed tightly around her forearms as he began to yank her more forcefully now.

Lily began to scream.

"No! Get off of me!" She flailed around in his arms. Tears poured out of her emerald eyes and James had never hated himself more. "Please! Just leave me alone! I can handle myself!"  
Knowing Lily, she was stubborn as hell and wouldn't allow James to take her as easily as he imagined. James pulled her into the air, throwing her petite frame over his shoulder. He charged to the back corner of the room where Sirius was gathering the bags, placing a quick charm on them causing them to shrink.

"Good, let's go." Sirius said. He looked to Lily who was kicking James' chest and pounding at his back. Sirius yelled out in frustration. The tortured noises behind the doors grew louder. "She needs to calm down; we can't apparate with her like that! She'll get splinched!"

"Potter! Put me down!" Lily yelled, reaching around her body for her wand. "You can't do this to me! Get off!"

James pulled Lily off his shoulders. He set her down in front of him, but not before Sirius wrapped both arms around her from behind. He restrained her from fighting back. "I'm sorry Lily, I really am." James said, holding his wand out, ready to hex her into unconsciousness. Her eyes grew wide, staring down the end of the wand. She opened her mouth to protest but was left empty. She shut her eyes.

The doors suddenly burst open, revealing three men in silver masks and black hooded cloaks. One man stepped forward, yelling a curse aimed directly at Noah. A green light burst from his wand.

Lily screamed his name, but no sound seemed to come out. James watched as Noah dived to the floor, unscratched. Lily tried to run after him, but James grabbed her forearm.

"Under the table, Evans!" He shouted, trying to push her in that direction.

Lily pushed against his chest. "Why don't _you_ get under the table, Potter? I am fully capable of…" Her voice trailed off as every muscle in her body seemed to split apart and convulse. Her eyes grew wide and her breathing nearly stopped. She reached out and grabbed against the loose fabric on James' shirt, pulling on it relentlessly. She began to scream.

She fell to the floor and curled into a ball as tears poured down her cheeks. James dropped to his knees, not knowing what to do. "Lily! Talk to me, come on!"

She shook her head rapidly. Her body lifted and buckled as the pain radiated through her blood. James looked up and saw a hooded figure pointing his wand at Lily. James had never been under the cruciatus before, but he would have taken it in a heartbeat. In that instant, there was nothing he wanted more. James leapt to his feet, wand at the ready.

"_Stupefy!" _ He shouted. The man flew backwards and hit the wall with a thud. James didn't bother to watch whether or not the man got back up. He ran back to Lily, who seemed to fall limp. "Lily, can you hear me? Are you alright?"

James reached down and helped her to her feet. She nodded and regained her strength. "I'm fine." Lily pulled out her wand. A devilish look about her eyes, she pushed James aside. Aiming at the same man who had just attacked her, she sent repeated curses without pause.

As the man screeched out, James grabbed Lily's hand, lowering her wand for her. "I think that's enough Evans."

She shook him off, sending a curse James had never seen before at the man. He began to twitch violently before growing stiff and falling down like board. Lily turned and smiled proudly. James grinned momentarily as he watched her eyes light up.

With her back turned, she didn't see the man aim the killing curse towards her. She didn't see the green light fly in her direction.

James threw himself on top of her, sending them both in a spiral to the ground. He sighed in relief. Lily on the other hand, was no so happy.

She began kicking and squirming, trying to escape from under James' heavy body. Suddenly anger boiled inside him, and he grabbed ahold of her arms and slammed them against the floor, "Merlin's, Evans! Stop!"

Startled by James' aggression, Lily closed her mouth. Her eyes were wide, and suddenly blood shot with tears. She shook her head, loosing all her strength. "Don't make me go…"

His heart broke as she begged him to let her stay. But he had a job to do; he couldn't let anything happen to her. He would never forgive himself. James jumped to his feet, grabbing Lily's hand. "I'm sorry, but we're leaving. Now!"

Sirius turned around, sprinting in their direction. When his hand was able to reach James', the three vanished suddenly from the room. Apparition was never an experience James enjoyed, but in that moment, he appreciated the ability more than he ever knew he could. When he opened his eyes again, they were in an old cabin James used to visit with his father.

Sirius clapped James on his back, "We're alive."

James nodded silently, leaning against the wall. It was silent and his ears seemed to ring.

Sirius ran outside, presumably to start casting the protective spells around the property. It wasn't until Lily's fist made contact with his face did he remember she was there with them. James' hand went flying to his pulsing cheek. "What the _fuck_ Evans?"

Lily began to throw every conceivable punch she could. "How could you? My family! My family is back there! And Noah… he could be dead! This is all your fault!" … and another throw to James' jaw.

She closed her eyes, focusing hard. She closed her fists, her knuckles growing white. Lily's breathing stopped for a moment. Opening her eyes, her jaw dropped. "I can't… I can't apparate! What the hell did you do to me?!_"_

"Maybe if you just calm down for a second…"

"Calm down? _CALM DOWN?" _Her eyes were burning with a fury James never in a million years thought he would have the misfortune of seeing from Lily Evans. "How the hell am I supposed to calm down? You ripped me from my family… from Noah… and now you want me to calm down? No, I don't think so! You can't tell me what to do! No! _FUCK YOU POTTER!"_

James grabbed a right hold of Lily's shoulders. Her face was redder than he'd ever seen it. She was incredibly tense; James struggled to keep her still. Suddenly streams of tears began to pour out of her eyes and her whole body relaxed. She stared at James, her lower lip quivering. Her legs gave away and she began to fall into the wooden floor. He caught the redhead before she hit the ground. She was so quiet, it was terrifying. James had never imagined seeing Lily so vulnerable, so scared. He almost preferred the screaming, angry Lily to this.

James sat on the ground, leaning his back against the wall. Lily sat next to him, staring blankly at something across the room. He watched as her breathing quickened and she clasped her hand to her face. Abruptly, Lily doubled over, sobbing uncontrollably.

Without a second thought, James reached out and grabbed the weeping girl and pulled her into his arms. Lily came willingly, resting her face in his chest. James stroked her hair as tears began to soak the front of his shirt.

"Everything will be alright, I promise."

Without moving, Lily mumbled, "You can't possibly know that."

A short pause filled the air. James thought briefly before uttering his next words. "They'll never get that close again. I won't let them."

Lily didn't respond. She was asleep and gone before he even finished his sentence.

* * *

The sun began to shine in through the small cracks in the wooden cabin. James yawned and right before he attempted to stretch he looked down, realizing Lily was still fast asleep against his shoulder. James rested his arms at his side. He gently removed the streaks of hair from Lily's face. She stirred slightly before placing her hand on his chest, grasping at his shirt.

She began to shake and her breathing turned into a pant. Her grip on James shirt tightened. "Evans?" James said. "Wake up."

Lily didn't wake, instead she began to mumble. "Stop… please. Just, no… stop." Her lower lip began to quiver.

James gently squeezed her upper arm. "Come on, Evans. You're just dreaming. Wake up."

Just as the last word came out of James' mouth, Lily screamed. Her eyes jetted open and she began to attack him. She pounded his chest, tears running down her face.

"Lily! Lily! Stop, it's just me! It's James! You're awake!" James shouted as he tried to grab a hold of the flailing girl.

She suddenly stopped. Abruptly, she pushed herself back a few feet from James. Lily pushed her red hair away from her eyes, and stared at the floor. "Sorry." She muttered.

"You alright?"

"That's got to be a joke. Of course I'm not alright…" With those words, James felt his heart ache. She slowly stood to her feet, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I'm going to go take a walk. I need space."

"I can't let you do that." James said as he jumped to his feet. Lily's eyes quickly turned impatient.

"… and why not?" Lily had so much attitude in her voice that James smiled. He was thankful she wasn't gone completely, not yet anyway. He had seen so many of his friends changed by the war, so much so that he can hardly recognize them. Lily was still Lily and that was all he needed right now.

James stepped forward, straight faced. "You can't go anywhere alone, Evans. That's why I'm here to begin with."

"That's bullshit, Potter." Lily spat. "You know I graduated at the top of the class. Don't put me off as some defenseless child."

"No offence, Red, but it's my job to take care of you. So cool it."

"I'll take a walk if I damn well please, Potter! And don't call me that."

"No, you won't. There could be Death Eaters everywhere and you're not exactly one to blend in." James picked up a strand of Lily's vibrant, red hair. She grabbed it back, staring at him angrily when she realized he was right.

Just then, Sirius walked into the room. He perked up at the sight of the two awake. "Sleep well, eh, Prongs?"

"Shut it Padfoot."

Sirius chuckled as he picked up a slice of bread from the counter. Lily strolled over to grab one as well. Her eyes were just as irritated as she took a bite of the plain and somewhat stale tasting bread.

"How long is this going to take?" She asked, staring back at James.

He shrugged. "Until someone contacts me and tells me you're no longer in any kind of threat. That could be months."

Lily groaned, throwing her face into her hands.

"What's the matter, Evans? Don't think you can last that long with me? Sooner or later, you'll succumb to my charm. Don't fight it."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't flatter yourself, Potter."

"It's a gift, really."

Sirius coughed, shaking his head. "Is this what it's going to be like? Merlin's, you two. I won't stand for it. You're either going to shag now and get it out of the way, or I'll separate the pair of you! I refuse to listen to this twisted flirty banter for the next few months."

"It's not flirting." Lily said, turning her back to James as her face turned a bright shade of red. "It's not."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure of that." James grinned.

"I'm pretty positive, thanks."

"I nearly had you, you know." James pointed out, knowing he caught Lily off guard when she whipped her head around. Her red hair spun in the air softly before landing back against her shoulders.

"What the hell are you talking about?" She spat, eyeing James with a devil's glare.

"Oh, come on Evans. It was only two days ago…"

"That was nothing."

"I don't think it was." James said proudly. "I think you want me."

"In your dreams, Potter."

"Yeah, there too." He stepped forward, leaning into Lily's space. She didn't push him away like she normally would. Instead, she leaned in closer, no trace of emotion on her face.

"Just because you caught me at a vulnerable time…"

"It was more than that! You wanted me to stay that night. I saw it in your eyes. You said something about missing me… oh don't deny it, Evans."

"I thought I was going to die! I'd say just about anything if I thought it was the last time I'd ever see you." Lily shouted. She stepped back, leaning against the pantry door. "It didn't mean anything."

"Oh come off it. I know how to read you, Red."

"Stop calling me that!"

"You secretly love it, I'm sure."

"Shut up, Potter!"

"No, I'm good."

"Guys!" Sirius yelled. "Merlin's beard. I'll murder the pair of you, I swear."

* * *

**kdjflaskjdf. So, I found this chapter quite difficult to write, but I couldn't seem to fix it up the way I would have liked to either. It's like 2,000 words shorter than the last two chapters but there was no where else to cut off really.**

**But I'm satisfied with how it ended up and I hope you guys are too :) If you have time to leave a note and let me know your thoughts, that would be wonderful! **

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	4. The Empire City

**Lily **

Three days she was cooped up in that cabin. Three days. It felt as if the walls were slowly inching closer together and James' ego was getting bigger with each hour. Sirius wasn't nearly as annoying as Lily remembered from Hogwarts. Perhaps it was because James spent all his time bullying and pestering her that one of them needed to be the grown up.

Only the boys were allowed to leave the cabin, and only one at a time. Lily must always be in the company of one of the marauders. And despite the protective spells, she must not walk outside or leave under any conditions. It was miserable.

James was currently out on a food run before the next move. Lily spent the last few hours sitting on the floor of the tiny room she briefly occupied, staring at her suitcase. She was shocked at how small it was. This case held all of her possessions inside. This war was killing her.

James had ordered her not to use magic incase Voldemort's spies in the ministry found a way to track her; until he heard from Mad Eye, anyway. Lily felt like she was going crazy. Her wand sat on the dresser next to her. She wanted nothing more than to pick it up and apparate far away from James and Sirius, and to wherever the hell she wanted.

A few days ago, it seemed like not such a bad idea to be protected by James and Sirius. They were, after all, two of the best aurors Mad Eye had seen in while and at the top of the class at Hogwarts. But Sirius became strangely reserved and James had such dramatic mood swings that Lily couldn't keep straight what version of himself he was playing at the moment.

The first day, James was sincere. After her bickering with him, she found herself locked in her room until dinner. It was nice to just be alone. But James was always at the door, begging her to come out. He was worried, so he said. He didn't want her to be alone when she was as fragile as she was. _Fragile_, Lily huffed. He and Sirius had even cooked dinner, which finally brought her out of her room. It was quite nice, though. They talked about school, about Remus and Peter, about Noah and Quidditch, about the war. They seemed to treat her like an equal and not like a child.

After dinner, Sirius offered to clean up so she could take time alone again. It was kind of him. But Lily suspected he would return to normal after the initial shock of being torn away from her family wore off of her. James followed her upstairs.

"_Hey, Evans. Can I get a word?" James asked. He stood halfway up the flight of stairs. _

_Lily shrugged, smiling at how small James appeared from her viewpoint. He bounded up the stairs and come to Lily's eye level. He wore a soft smile on his face, leaving no trace of the arrogant boy she knew. _

"_I know you've been hearing this a lot, but, I just wanted to make sure you're doing alright." He messed up his black hair anxiously as he awaited Lily's answer. But before she could speak, he interrupted. "It's a stupid question; of course you're not ok. I can't even begin to understand what it must be like. I know you're really close with Noah and your dad. I am really sorry this all happened to you, Lily. You deserve a lot better."_

_Lily bit her lower lip. "Thanks, James."_

"_Oh so you actually know my first name then?" He laughed and tried to make his usual jokes but Lily saw it… the way his face glowed as she said his name. It was as if he had been yearning to hear it for a long time. She pushed the thought from her mind that she could have so much impact on him. _

"_Goodnight Lily."_

On the second day, Lily had started getting used to a kinder side of James and enjoyed it more than she let on.

_Lily sat on the couch downstairs, staring longingly at the outside. It was such a beautiful day_. _"So there is no chance I can leave?"_

"_No." James and Sirius both said in monotone. They immediately went back to whatever they were doing. _

_Lily groaned and threw her head onto the pillow. "What if we played with my appearance? I know this spell to change physical features…"_

"_No!" It was James who stood up. His face softened after yelling. "Look Lily, I know this is hard, but it's only the second day in. Next time we move, I'll try to find somewhere without people always around. We just can't risk it right now."_

_Lily nodded, pulling the pillow to her chest and holding it tight. "I just can't be locked in here anymore. I'm going crazy…"_

_Neither James nor Sirius looked up this time. They sat at the kitchen table, scribbling away on some enchanted notebooks. Lily rolled her eyes and stood up, pillow still in hand. She stormed over to the boys._

"_Excuse me? Are either of you going to listen to me?" Lily asked. Not one of their heads popped up. Not a single quill stopped writing. "Oi!"_

_Lily reached forward, grasping her hands against the papers and threw them far across the room. The marauders looked up, stunning expressions covering their faces. _

"_For Merlin's sake!" Lily slammed her hands against the table. "I'm going mad in here! I get that I can't leave, I really do. But you can't just pretend like I'm not here. I need someone to talk to. I can't just sit in a corner and think all day. I can't think all day…"_

_ James eyes wondered around the room for a bit, like he didn't know what to say. He gestured towards the chair next to him. Lily sat down._

_ Sirius stared at Lily across the table. He lifted an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"_

_ "Sorry?" Lily asked._

_ "About not wanting to think…" Sirius seemed quite genuine. His eyes were pleasantly kind. Lily hadn't noticed that before. _

_She took a deep breath. "My mind rambles. I don't mean to, but I start to think of every horrible thing that could possibly happen now that this is all real. Noah being murdered, Voldemort capturing me, torturing you two for having anything to do with this… I just, I don't want to think about that kind of stuff anymore. I need it to stop."_

_James sighed and ran his fingers through his already messy hair. Lily hunched her shoulders over, trying to hide the swelling in her throat and eyes. _

"_I can't imagine how you are even dealing with this." James said softly. He placed a hand on her shoulder, trying to comfort her. "But Sirius and I know what we signed up for as aurors. We would both gladly do what needs to be done to protect you. You're not just an assignment to us, Lily, we know you. Don't ever feel like you're responsible if anything happens to us. We're here because we want to be."_

_Lily looked up, the whites of her eyes a light pink. "Thanks." She whispered, before leaning onto James' shoulder. He smiled lightly as he relaxed and allowed her to close her eyes. _

But today, they lost Lily.

In all honesty, she was fine. She was in the house the whole time. She was just… hidden. It was funny really, listening to the boys' footsteps running amuck upstairs as she sat, knee to chest in a corner of a closet in the basement. She smiled to herself as Sirius began to yell at James to recheck her room for the third time.

It was nice to be alone. Sirius and James were doing their best but it was getting tiring. James was being kind. _Kind_. Sure, she hated the arrogant, annoying James with a passion but this James… It was weird. He tried to comfort her when he could and the other day he made cookies. _Cookies. _He couldn't just make cookies and no one would notice.

Suddenly she heard feet storming down the stairs to the basement.

"Lily?" Sirius called. "Oh come on, I know you're in this house. Very funny. Really clever. Gold medal. Now just come out!"

Inside her little corner Lily began to laugh. She knew Sirius would hear her but she didn't mind. It wasn't him she was hiding from. The door opened, turning her dark hideaway into a bright and open space.

"I don't care if you stay, but close that door." Lily said, shielding her eyes.

Sirius laughed at the redhead who appeared incredibly small in the corner of the closet. He sat down next to her and closed the door behind him. It wasn't easy to see, but he supposed that might have been Lily's point.

"So… what are you doing?"

"Hiding." She said simply.

Sirius sighed, with an invisible grin on his face. "I see that. How come?"

"James is being nice."

That sentence forced Sirius into a fit of laughs. "You're hiding because Prongs has been nice? That boy cannot win with you, can he?"

"Oh it's not that." Lily groaned, pushing her back against the wall. "It's just… he's not himself. It's weird. At least Hogwarts James was consistent."

"Consistent?"

"He was always this arrogant, self-centered, flirty, wont-leave-me-alone-prat. He used to pester me about dating him and tried to trick me into kissing him or doing some prank for him. Now he's all 'How are you Lily?' and 'Do you want more cookies, Lily?' He calls me 'Lily' now!"

"That is your name…"

"Yeah, but not to him! And now he's got me calling him James. What is with that? And have you even noticed the cookies? He bakes cookies for God sakes Sirius!"

He began to laugh again, expectedly. "I thought you hated Hogwarts James."

"I never hated him." Lily said, playing nervously with the edges of her sweatshirt. That was mostly true. Even through all of the times she complained and turned James away, she never hated him. He was a smart, straight A student and had a fierce loyalty to his friends like no other. She admired that about him. He may be been incredibly annoying, but she never hated him. Not even once.

"But Hogwarts James didn't baby me. He treated me like an equal despite his sexist jokes and his constant need to protect me from Sev, to warn me about Sev, to undermine my authority as Head Girl, to intervene in every relationship I've attempted to have, to make me so furious I feel sick. But now? Now, he's nice." Lily huffed and pushed strands of hair behind her ears.

"He's nice because you've been traumatized."

"Yeah, well, he doesn't need to be. I'm fine."

Sirius shook his head, grinning wider than he had earlier. He understood Lily. He knew why it was bothering her and why she decided to hide in a basement closet with the lights off. James' constant need to make her feel better was making it worse. It was all just a reminder of how horrible everything was. "It will get better."

"Oh yeah, sure."

"No, I'm serious-"

"-nice pun-"

"-thanks. But Evans, I know that Prongs' niceness is annoying right now and it feels wrong and alien. He's going to grow on you. Eventually, you'll feel safe with us and more importantly with him and you'll come to love how kind he is."

"I don't think so, Sirius."

"He's always been this annoyingly kind, you know." Sirius said flatly. Lily's eyes perked up though he couldn't see her. "He's always looked out for you the way he is now. The only difference is that now he's letting you see it. He was always rude around you to cover it up. It's a guy thing I suppose."

"You mean to tell me that under all that arrogance and immaturity there is actually a decent human being?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Just then the door swung open, revealing James and an enormous amount of light behind him. Both Lily and Sirius shielded their eyes. "Really?" James laughed and took a seat next to Sirius. "I've been running all over town. I blame you, Red."

"I think I'll get past it."

"Hey Sirius, you should leave." James said, kicking the door open. Sirius raised an eyebrow. A devilish grin erupted across James' face. "I think Lily may be interesting in some-"

"-Nope!" Lily jumped to her feet. "I don't think so Potter."

As she stepped over James' legs to make her way to the stairs Sirius lightly grabbed her arm. "See? He's not _all_ gone."

* * *

**James**

They had packed up quickly after that day and made their way to a hidden shack in the Forest of Dean where Sirius visited as a child. It was quite cold and with little spare clothing, the three huddled close around a fire.

"Are you done running from me yet, Evans?" James asked; hints of his classic childish smirk on his lips.

"You're still a git." Lily said, holding her knees closer to her chest. She stared into the fire. The reds and yellows lifted and crashed like waves. She seemed so memorized. James struggled, trying to turn his eyes away.

"I think that's been established more times than I can count. I'm a git, I got it."

Lily smirked and leaned closer into the fire. It let up the edges of her face beautifully and she didn't even seem to notice. It was always funny to James how little she noticed her beauty, or rather cared. There were more important things to her. She was special.

Sirius smiled. "I agree. Look, I know it's been rough couple of days, but things will get better. I'm tired of being the responsible one. So, I've been thinking."

Lily perked her head up. Her red hair whistled around her face, falling gently onto her shoulders. James grinned, watching as she searched Sirius anxiously for answers. Her green eyes were huge.

"I think we can take her out." Sirius said simply, turning to James.

"Really?!" Lily yelled, nearly jumping to her feet. The smile spread across her face brought butterflies to James' stomach. She clapped her hands together like a small child on Christmas morning. After several days cooped up in wooden cabins, any other reaction would seem too modest. Suddenly, Lily gathered herself together and tried to appear like she calmed down a bit. "I mean, that would be cool."

"Yeah, James and I talked about it last night." Sirius continued. "If we can change our appearances enough and don't cause attention, we should be alright. There hasn't been Death Eater activity in a while and I haven't received any news from Mad Eye."

James stood up and walked closer to Lily. He pushed her shoulder playfully. "Where do you want go, Evans? It may be the last night out in a while."

"New York." Her answer came much faster than either James or Sirius expected. She was so sure though, like she had this planned for quite some time.

"New York? Can we apparate that far?" James turned to Sirius, a bit concerned.

"Of course we can! We got the three finest students at Hogwarts here." Sirius said, joining James and Lily. He wrapped his arms around their shoulders. "Nothing could possibly go wrong."

"You know bad things always happen once someone says that…" Lily stated, half laughing at Sirius.

"Hey, maybe I need to liven things up a bit."

The following day, James waited with Sirius in the kitchen while Lily finished getting ready. They leaned against the table top, picking at small slices of bread. James had already changed his appearance, as did Sirius.

He no longer wore his thick rimmed glasses and his eyes turned a bright blue. His messy and shaggy hair became short and brown. He was nearly unrecognizable.

Sirius, too, resembled a completely new man. With dirty blonde hair and paled skin, he looked like a relative of Malfoy's. James snickered at the thought.

"Oi! Stop laughing, mate." Sirius said, punching James in the arm.

"I can't help it! You look ridiculous."

Before Sirius could have a chance to hex his friend, Lily appeared next to them. Neither had noticed her come down the stairs because she hardly left any trace of the original Lily. Instead, her beautiful red hair turned a shade of dark brown while her eyes became a deep blue. A red dress flowed around her body and landed in the most delicate manners. James stood up straight, brushing at his pant legs.

"Wow, Lily, I hardly recognized you…" He stuttered over his words. Despite the fact that she didn't resemble the Lily he had grown to care for, she was still undeniably stunning.

"You guys look great! Nice suits." She said. She reached out and adjusted the collar on James' dress shirt. He blushed slightly and raised a hand to his hair anxiously. Lily had asked them to dress nicely tonight. Both boys happily obliged, wanting to give her a nice night after all that's happened.

"You ready?" Sirius asked, holding out his hand for Lily to grasp.

She nodded nervously as she took his hand. She then reached out and grabbed James' as well. He didn't expect her sudden gesture and hoped she couldn't feel his heart beating out of his palm.

James closed his eyes, waiting for Sirius to bring them to New York.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, the busy sounds of the city awakened him. Taxis' horns blared, street venders shouted, and music played from the nearby shops. James turned to Lily, who still held both boys' hands. She smiled wide, staring up at the night lights. They stood in the middle of Times Square at roughly ten o'clock at night. James had never visited the city before, and he was quite certain Sirius hadn't either. But by the way Lily noticed everything around her, he knew her parents must have brought her here as a kid. Everything seemed to bring up a memory.

"Look!" She shouted, dragging the marauders to a corner by the Hershey's store. "When I was eight, I kicked my dad in the shin right here, because he refused to buy me chocolate! And over there! I cried for two hours when a stranger knocked into me and I dropped my ice cream!"

James laughed. "You were quite the spoiled kid, I see."

Lily pushed his arm, though a smile filled her face. "Oh, come off."

It was Sirius who spoke next. "I've got us on the list to this hot shot club down on fifth! Come on!" He charged off against the waves of people, leaving James and Lily to follow.

James looked to Lily; he smiled and reached for her hand. She willingly took it in an effort to avoid getting lost. James led the way as he pushed through enormous crowds of people, Lily straggled behind him, but as long he felt her hand he knew she was alright.

After ten minutes they finally caught up with Sirius. He stood in front of what appeared to be a run down bar from the late 90's. It was filthy on the outside, though an enormous line trailed around the building and down the street. With confidence, Sirius walked right up to the body guard and muttered a few words. The man nodded, and opened the velvet rope. A few people in the line yelled some angry swear words as the three walked through the doors of the club.

It was incredibly loud inside that it hurt James' ears. He looked to Sirius, who seemed to have run off into the mass crowd of dancers. Lily smiled, charging after him. James laughed, wondering how either of them enjoyed this sort of thing. True, he was always quite the partier back at school, but this was different. Here, it was loud and sweaty and random strangers seemed unable to dance without groping you. At school, he was always trying to show off to Lily; to prove he was popular, to prove that he was a man because he could down a whole bottle of fire whiskey by himself. It seemed silly, even then. Lily never cared about that kind of thing and he understood that now.

James made his way to the bar and leaned against the counter.

"I'll take a firewhiskey." James said, placing some muggle money on the counter. The bartender gave him a confused look. "Right, sorry. Just a scotch and soda."

The bartender nodded, raising his eyebrows at James before grabbing a glass from under the table. After a few moments he handed James the glass filled halfway with a dark brown liquid and ice.

James sat down at a table and searched the crowd for Lily's red hair. When he didn't find it immediately, his heart began to race. It wasn't until he saw Sirius' fresh blonde hair did he remember Lily was now a brunette. He didn't realize how much he loved Lily's ridiculously red hair until then.

He watched from the side as Lily and Sirius danced. She threw her arms above her head, twisting her hips and mouthing the words of a song James couldn't identify. Sirius was just as wild as ever, finding some random attractive girl, placing his hands on her waist and swaying along to the music. An hour passed before either came to see James. He didn't mind though, he was content watching Lily. She was happy for the first time in days and that alone made James feel like he was doing something right.

"JAMES!" Lily yelled. He spun around. She must have come up from behind. When did she leave the dance floor? He swore he had been watching her the whole time. He supposed maybe he had been watching the wrong girl. After all, Lily looked like a whole new person.

She pointed to a door that led to a balcony outside. James nodded, setting down his glass and followed her. The noise died down to a soft whisper. "I said your name nearly twenty times before you heard me."

"Right, sorry about that." James muttered, running a hand through his hair, forgetting it was too short to play with now.

Lily smiled. She turned and faced the busy city, resting against the railings. "Thank you so much for this. I know this club isn't really your scene, hell, it's not mine either, but it means a lot that you and Sirius did this for me."

"We just want this to be a bit less hard on you." James said, leaning his back against the stone rail.

A wide smile filled Lily's face. "You're a much better person than I gave you credit for, James Potter."

"I've been telling you that since year one."

"I remember well…"

"Hey guys! I've been looking all over for you!" Sirius' head popped out of the busy club. He ran up to James and Lily and tried to drag them back inside. Lily went along easily, but James shook his head.

"I'm good, Padfoot. I'm going to keep an eye out, just in case." James said.

Lily followed Sirius back inside. But as she reached the door, she spun around. "Too bad, Potter. I might have saved you a dance."

"I'll take you up on that later, I promise." James shouted after her as she turned and ran inside. Her heels clicked against the floor. James laughed to himself.

Another hour passed. Lily and Sirius were still all over the dance floor and James had drunk his third scotch. He had been keeping an eye out for any suspicious behavior, but didn't see anything. After drawing the conclusion that Death Eaters wouldn't locate them tonight, he drank his forth.

A tall man with shaggy brown hair made his way to Lily. James recognized him as Miles Parkinson. He had been in school the same year as Miles, though Miles resided in the Slytherin house. They never got along and he hated him nearly as much as Snape; especially since the day he attacked Lily.

_ It was the spring of his sixth year at Hogwarts. James strutted about the empty courtyard, tossing a crumpled up ball of parchment in his hand. Remus was at his side, trying repeatedly to snatch the ball. _

_ "Give it a rest, Moony. This is why I'm on the quidditch team, and you're not." James said, grinning ear to ear. Remus snorted and crossed his arms. _

_ "Yeah, well, shut up."_

_ "Excellent come back, mate."_

_ Remus laughed and punched James in the side, causing him to drop the parchment to the grass. "How about now, _bitch?"

_ "Watch yourself, Moony." James grabbed his friend around the neck and threw his hair all out of sorts. Remus struggled to push him away. _

_ "Oi!" Remus yelled after James finally released him. "My hair looked nice today..."_

_ "You're being a girl again…" _

_ Remus gave him a sarcastic smile before attempting to fix his mess of a head. In the far distance, James spotted Lily sitting under a large tree. She wasn't doing anything really; expect staring aimlessly into a book. He knew she wasn't reading it when she kept glancing up at Snape and his friend. She was trying to appear busy. Snape kept eyeballing her and it made James' insides burn. _

_ Next to Snape stood Miles Parkinson, a tall bloke and quite clean cut for a Slytherin. The girls who were too blind to see his history with the dark arts fawned over him. He was annoyingly handsome, and even seemed to catch Lily's attention. _

_ She looked up when she sensed Miles staring. She blushed slightly and looked back down at the same page she had been 'reading' for five minutes now. _

_ Miles hit Snape in the side and nodding in Lily's direction. James was too far away to hear what he had said. _

_ "What do you say, mate? Up for a game of Messing with Slytherins?" James asked, knowing Moony might scold him. But as Lily was actually Remus' close friend, he agreed when Miles took a seat next to the redhead. _

_ "I don't like that bloke." Remus said as they made their way to the tree. "He's always talking about her at the prefect meetings."_

_ "He's a friend of Snape's, and by association I hate him." _

_ "Excellent use of logic, Prongs." _

_ "Thanks mate."_

_ Lily looked up and suddenly noticed Miles sitting next to her. She jumped slightly and began to laugh when he smiled. It irritated James that she didn't automatically despise him. But then again, she still saw the 'good' in Snape, so Lily's use of judgment was quite flawed in James' opinion. _

_ "How's that book, Evans?" Miles said sweetly. Lily didn't notice his eyes trace the lines of her body. _

_ "Oh, this?" She sat the book down next to her. "It's alright; I've been reading the same page all day."_

_ Miles laughed and grinned through the left side of his face. "You look quite lovely today, Evans. I've seen some beautiful girls, and I must say you are knocking them all out of the park."_

_ His charm was nauseating, but Lily seemed to fall like a school girl. Her face turned a bright red. "Oh, thanks Miles. That's so sweet of you."_

_ Miles shrugged and adjusted his green and black tie. "I only speak the truth." _

_ Lily nodded, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear like she always does when she's nervous. James shook his head, watching it all from a distance. He knew she did that little quirk when she was nervous and it made his stomach knot at the thought of _Miles Parkinson_ causing her to do that. It should be him. So, he treated her like a child and called her names and hexed her precious Snape. He suddenly realized he wasn't off to a good start. But James truly cared far more for Lily than Miles ever could and that was all that mattered._

"_So, Evans, I was thinking maybe later tonight me and you could head up to astronomy tower…" Miles said, leaning in close to her ear. She could feel his breath against her skin and she was suddenly uncomfortable. _

_James and Remus were still quite far away when Miles put his hand on Lily's knee. James watched as she stared at the hand. It slowly began making its way towards her thigh. James hands closed to fists and his pace quickened. Remus muttered something about keeping cool, but James wasn't going to have it. _

_Lily pushed his hand away and brushed out her skirt. "I'm sorry Miles, but I'm going to have to pass." She lost the flirty tone to her voice._

_Miles laughed mechanically. He lifted himself to his knees and swung one around Lily's hips until he was straddling her. "No one says 'no' to me, mudblood." _

_As he pushed Lily to the grass, James broke into a sprint. The four of them were alone in the courtyard and Snape seemed to have disappeared. _

_Miles pinned Lily's arms down as she tried to avoid his lips crashing against hers. "Stop moving!" _

"_Oi!" James yelled. "Get off her!" _

_James sent a jinx right at Parkinson that lifted him off of the redhead and into a tree nearby. James raced after him, and threw his own wand to the ground. He was filled too high with anger and disgust that he couldn't concentrate long enough to send another spell. His fist collided with Miles' jaw. _

_Miles stood up quickly and sacked a punch into James' gut. "You think this will make Lily change her mind about you, Potter? It won't. She'll always see you as an arrogant jackass." Again another punch to his stomach. _

"_Talk about her one more time; I dare you." _

"_You know, Potter, you ruined my time with Evans. We could've had so much fun, her and me. All the _pleasure _she'd bring…"_

_James didn't even need to think about it this time. His fists seemed to move of their own accord, sending punch after punch into Miles' face and side. The brunette fell limp and James knew he was unconscious. Mcgonagall was going to take away every last Friday night until the end of the school year for this one, but as he looked back to Lily as Remus lifted her into his arms, he knew it was worth it. _

_James sprinted over. A bit of blood dripped down the side of his face. He bent over, panting. "You alright, Evans?"_

_He expected her to smile lightly, say no but thanks, and he could take her to the healing wing. But Lily was always unpredictable. _

"_I didn't need your help, Potter!" Lily spat. She pushed Remus away and rose to her feet. "I could have handled myself!"_

"_Right, you looked like you were doing just fine. Let's not forget that Miles is a 250 pound bloke and you can hardly lift two textbooks at a time." James said, irritated that she wasn't slightly grateful at all. She was yelling at _him_. Him? He hardly ever understood what exactly went down inside of Lily Evans' mind. _

"_Just because you take every opportunity to show off doesn't mean I have to worship you for it." Lily crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. James knew for a fact if he hadn't shown up, Lily wouldn't have been able to do anything to stop Miles. But he didn't care anymore. He was far too pissed that she was angry with him for_ saving_ her._

"_Yeah, well, next time I'll just ignore you!" James yelled picking up his wand and shoving it into his back pocket. _

"_That's unlikely." Remus said under his breath. Both Lily and James whipped their heads around and yelled for him to shut up. _

_Lily brushed out the wrinkles in her skirt and swore when she saw the grass stains on her white blouse. "I don't need you to save me, Potter. Now stop acting like such a hero, and move out of my way. I have potions class to get to."_

_With that, Lily stormed off, leaving Remus quite confused and James absolutely furious. _

James sat up in his seat anxiously as he watched. Miles didn't seem to realize that it was Lily he was trying to grope. Of course he wouldn't, she looked like an entirely different person. Lily spun around to face him after she felt his arm brush against her side. He stared down at her with a devilish look in his eyes. She was so small compared to him. James stood to his feet and set his glass down when he saw the fear across her face. Neither of them had seen him since graduation or seen him really since the incident in sixth year.

Miles had been rumored to be a Death Eater, but no one was really sure. But it was enough for James after what happened before. As he walked in Lily's direction, he noticed Miles reach again for her but she pushed him off, a defensive look on her face. It was happening again.

"Oh come on, sweetie, just one dance." Miles said, pulling on Lily's arm to bring her body against his.

"I said get off!" She struggled to push him away. Miles laughed, pulling her in even tighter. He pushed his body against hers and suddenly she felt incredibly small.

James began to run and within seconds he was at Lily's side. He grabbed her around the waist, and pulled her away with all his strength. He set her down behind him and pushed her hair away from her eyes. "Are you alright?"

She nodded and crossed her arms stubbornly. She looked behind him to see Miles slowly recovering from the blow to his pride. Her eyes were incredibly twitchy, scanning the room every five seconds, huffing and puffing away. "I'm fine." But James knew she was shaken.

"We need to find Sirius and leave, come on."

But before James could grab Lily's hand, he felt his body being swung viciously around. He looked up to see Miles towering over him.

"I had dibbs, mate." Suddenly a fist collided with James' cheek, pushing him backwards and into the people behind him. It was all too familiar. He shook his head and rubbed his jaw lightly. Miles grinned and lifted his arms in victory. James looked up to see Lily at his side. It was much too loud to hear what she was saying. She wiped away the blood from James upper lip quickly and helped him to his feet.

The next thing he knew, Sirius had jumped Miles, sending them both to the ground. He threw punch after punch, not allowing Miles to fight back. James made his way to his feet and grabbed Sirius' collar. "Enough, Padfoot. Let's go."

When James looked up again, nearly the whole club had spiraled into a brawl. Miles jumped up and tried to grasp Sirius around the throat, but he threw another punch at Miles' jaw. Miles' eyes were furious, but he quickly looked down at his watch and spun around on his heels and charged out of the club leaving James quite confused.

James felt Lily cling to his side, as bodies flew around the floor, arms and fists swinging. Miles' sudden exit didn't seem to matter anymore. He looked to the security guards in the corners, making their way over. The three pushed past the crowds of people and out the back doors. Once they found the open air, they broke into a sprint, not looking behind them. James could feel his feet kicking along the pavement beneath his body and for the first time, felt more alive than he had in months. The wind pushed through his messy hair as he spun his head around in search of Lily. A wide smile spread across her face as she pushed strands of hair from her eyes. James laughed and turned back and charged faster after Sirius.

After they made it out far enough, Sirius jumped in front of them, bringing the two to a stop. He began to walk backwards, facing them as he spoke. "Look, I know a shortcut to this party downtown. You guys up for it?"

"Another party? After the night we've had already?" Lily asked and you could hear the yawn in her voice.

"Hell yes!"

"How could you possibly know shortcuts, anyway? You've never been in the country before." James said, crossing his arms to brace the wind.

He shrugged. "I overheard some bloke give directions to Miles. It's just past forth, down the alleyway on eighth, and we should be there."

"That seems a bit out of the way. Are you sure those are the right directions?" Lily asked. "It sounds a bit sketchy."

"I agree with Evans. Besides, do we really want to go anywhere that jackass has been?"

Sirius groaned. "Oh you two are no fun. Come on, it's our last night to be reckless before James and I have to go back to being serious aurors."

"Are we ever serious aurors?"

Sirius grinned through the left side of his mouth. "Well… just go along with it, will ya?"

James and Lily exchanged looks and seemed to read each others minds "Fine."

"Yes!" Sirius jumped up, punching the air, half expecting a flat out rejection. "Follow me."

Sirius strolled five or six feet in front of James and Lily, walking with pep in his step. James leaned down to Lily's ear. "He's quite excited…"

Lily laughed. "I think he drank a bit too much."

James nodded, knowing Sirius' low tolerance for alcohol. He had once gotten drunk off of two beers when he first started drinking. James on the other hand, used to drink so much that now he could take down six glasses without a buzz. After joining the aurors, he got a hold of it. But that was too long of a story to remember now. He could feel Lily at his side and all his old ways of partying and drinking seemed to disappear.

James looked down, as Lily rubbed her hands against her arms. She shivered.

"Here." James unbuttoned and removed his suit jacket and wrapped it around Lily's shoulders.

"You must be cold too. You didn't have to do that." She said, but graciously slipped her arms through the arm holes. She was nearly swallowed up into the large overcoat.

"Don't worry about it. I'm quite the gentleman." James smiled, pushing his hands into his pockets, realizing he wasn't very cold at all.

"So I've seen."

They were silent for a while, and for a brief second it seemed like they were back in London, the first night he saw her after Hogwarts. It all seemed too insignificant now; how careless he had felt that night, not knowing the burden Lily had been carrying. It surprised him that she allowed herself to be with him on what she thought was her last night of freedom. Maybe she had changed her mind about him…

"Have you heard from the other aurors?" Lily asked suddenly. She looked up at him, knowing he wouldn't have the answers she was looking for. Her eyes were bigger than he had ever seen them, she yearned so much for some kind of information. He wondered how long she had tried to say those words before she could actually mutter them aloud.

"I'm sorry, no. We're not allowed to contact each other in case it's intercepted, you know that." James said apologetically. He knew how much it hurt her to not know if her best friend was dead or alive.

"I keep feeling like something's wrong. I have this horrible pit in my stomach." Lily pushed her auburn hair away from her eyes and James started to notice the red returning.

"I know you're scared. But I'm sure he's alright. I know his aurors and they are great men. Besides, Noah is a strong wizard. He's okay, I'm sure of it." James wrapped one arm around her shoulders. She leaned into his side as they walked.

"How is it you always know what to say?"

James shrugged. "I know you better than you think, I suppose."

Sirius stopped suddenly, staring into an alleyway. His face was removed of the excited schoolboy and replaced with an absolute fear. He sprinted into the alley. James released Lily when they reached the opening. He forced her to look at him and squeezed her shoulders. "Stay here and do not move."

She looked around wildly. "But…"

"No Evans! Stay here!"

With that, he ran after Sirius without waiting to hear Lily complain. When he finally reached his friend, he looked down to watch Sirius had seen. Miles lay on the concrete, surrounded by a pool of his own blood. His eyes were wide open, but were distant and covered with a glassy frame. Sirius knelt down and pressed his fingers against his throat. He looked up. "He's dead."

It was hardly less than an hour the last time they had seen Miles. He left in such a hurry… was this where he was heading? Did he know he could potentially die? James sighed heavily and clasped his hands behind his head.

Sirius searched Miles' body for his wand, not wanting the muggles to discover it, but he came up empty. Whoever did this was a wizard since they had the sense to take the wand. A long and deep cut ran from Miles left shoulder down to the right side of hip. It looked like he had been slashed with a sword. His shirt was ripped and covered completely in blood. James had never liked Miles, but he would never wish this sort of fate upon him.

"Oh my God…"

James spun around at the sound of Lily's voice. She pushed her hands to her lips as her jaw began to quiver.

"What the hell, Evans? I thought I told you to stay put!" James shouted, feeling regretful immediately. Her eyes stared at Miles' lifeless body. She hardly even breathed.

She nodded, her legs shaking. "I'm sorry, I just- I thought I heard something… and I didn't want… to be… alone." She had trouble getting her words out; she was so focused on Miles' lifeless body.

Taking a deep breath, James opened his arms, sensing her fear. Lily ran into them almost instantly. She wrapped her arms around his waist and peeked her head over his shoulder. "What happened?"

"I don't know. But cops will be here any minute. We should get out of here." James said, turning to Sirius. He rose to his feet as sirens began to blare almost as if on cue. Red and blue lights filled the alleyway. The sirens were almost deafening. Sirius sent a worried look at James, but before any of them could focus long enough to apparate, four muggle police men came running into the alley. "Freeze! NYPD!"

Lily released herself from James and took a few steps back. James threw his hands in the air and eyed Lily and Sirius to do the same. "We just found the body, sir."

"Yeah, likely story. I've received word that you three were at the same club at the deceased." A young officer said, pacing around the body. He slipped his gun back into the holder on his waist. The cop turned to Sirius, who still had Miles' blood on his hands. "Arrest him."

"What?" James shouted, dropping his arms. "Under what charges?"

"Reasonable suspicion in murder, kid." The cop pushed James aside. Two officers struggled to put handcuffs on Sirius. James stepped in front of Lily, grabbing hold of her hands. He could easily feel her heartbeat. James knew that if they were arrested, they were screwed.

A long time ago, Wizards had put antiapparation spells in the muggle prisons incase a wizard was arrested for a muggle's crime. If the three of them were locked up there, their wands taken and left defenseless, well, James didn't want to think about it.

He watched as the two officers pushed Sirius against a wall, trying relentlessly to place the handcuffs around his wrists.

"Get Lily, and run!" Sirius shouted. "I'll be fine, just go!"

The young officer turned back to James and grabbed his arm just before he could leave. "I don't think so. I have you two as accomplices. Book 'em boys!"

James squeezed Lily's hand and began to pull her in the opposite direction. "Run!"

As they began to sprint, Sirius slammed his head against the officer's forehead and the man fell to the ground. The second tried to keep hold of him, but Sirius sent a fist into the side of his face. He began to run after James and Lily who hadn't gotten far, because Lily seemed to be limping in broken heels.

The young cop pulled out his gun. "Stop!"

But they all kept running. James looked back as he felt Lily's hand slip from his. She had fallen onto the pavement, her knees shedding a bloody red. James spun around and charged back for her. He immediately felt a sharp pain in his gut.

A loud noise echoed as Sirius grabbed onto James and Lily, sending them down the front end of a watering hose and out the back into the shack in the Forest of Dean. Sirius jumped up, look of pure accomplishment on his face. "Hell yes! I can't believe we just escaped murder charges!"

Lily started laughing, running to Sirius. She threw her arms around his neck. "Oh, believe me, one day you will end up in jail for something…"

"No arguments here!"

"But that day is not today!"

"Hell no it isn't!" Sirius burst into laugher.

They both turned to James who remained uncharacteristically quite. He clutched his stomach, a sickened look on his face. From the spaced between his fingers oozed a dark red substance. He stared helplessly at Lily, who couldn't seem to find any words, and collapsed.

* * *

**duh duh duhhhhh. **

**So that would be Chapter Four! Reviews would be wonderful to let me know how you guys think :)**

**Thanks! xoxo**

**Kasey**


	5. He Will Not Go

**Lily **

Everything seemed to stop. Her heart felt like it was falling out of her chest. As his body hit the floor, James' odd change in personality didn't seem to matter. James always had been a kind and compassionate person. Even through his arrogance and his crude jokes; he was kind. Suddenly that didn't seem to be such a bad thing anymore. Her heart fell when her mind snapped back to reality and James' blood poured onto the floor.

Lily ran to his side, and fell quickly to her knees. "James!" She shouted, but he didn't respond. He stared at the ceiling, trying to hold back screams as his jaw shook violently. He breathed harshly and quickly. His hands grasped for anything he could find, but came up empty. Instead, he clawed at his clothing and at the wood panels on the floor. His fingernails scratched against the ground.

Sirius ran to a bag he kept under the table and began searching through it anxiously. Small potion bottles flew in all sorts of directions. "It's not here! How could we not have it?" He shouted angrily. He ran back to Lily. "We don't have any healing potions."

"What?" Lily looked back down at James, whose face seemed to be getting paler by the minute. "We have to do something."

"I know, I know." Sirius paced, pulling at the ends of his hair which turned back to its long black color only moments ago. Suddenly, he looked up. "I remember a spell to close the wound for this sort of thing, but we need to get the bullet out first. Otherwise, he could get some sort of infection."

"Can't we just…"

"What? Use a spell to get it out?" Sirius stared at James, who seemed to make little eye contact in return. "I can't just accio it out. It could hit anything. It lodged in there pretty deep."

Lily sighed and watched as Sirius stepped away to retrieve something from the kitchen. She looked down at James and tried to whisper encouraging words. She rubbed her thumb along the skin next to the wound in attempt to cool it. Nothing was helping.

When Sirius returned, his face bore a look of complete horror. He looked to Lily, silently telling her what to do. He couldn't say it out loud.

James' eyes grew wide as he realized what was happening. Lily noticed. She grabbed his hand. Her fingers quickly interlaced with his as she felt the violent shaking in his arms. "Hey, don't worry. We'll take care of this."

James nodded and attempted a weak smile. "I… t-t-trust y-you, R-Red." He sounded incredibly scared. She had never heard that kind of tone come out of him. He was always so strong, so stable. And now…

Lily sighed, and forced a small grin. She reached over James' chest and moved his hands away. "Leave your clothes alone. I know you're in pain, but I need you to be still."

He nodded tensely and began to chew on his bottom lip until it bled as well. Lily began unbuttoning his shirt. The whole front side was nearly drenched in red and Lily had to restrain herself from breaking down. Through the tanned and muscled frame, blood stained and tore at his battered skin. A small opening on his left side marked the entry point. Suddenly it was hard to breathe.

James' hand made his way to her wrist. "P-please, d-do it, fast…" He struggled to speak, breathing deeply before each word. He knew that she was going to try to remove the bullet herself. But the pain was already unbearable, he didn't know if he could handle Lily searching inside his abdomen for that shiny bullet.

Lily sighed heavily as she looked up at Sirius. A small, shiny blade flickered in his hand. He set it on the razor on the floor next to Lily's knee. She just stared at it for a while. It was so small. It was sharp. It would be able to tare through James' skin without trouble. James made eye contact with the blade, then briefly with Lily. He began to hyperventilate.

He shook his head, muttering 'no' after 'no'. He was horribly vulnerable and it made Lily cringe. A tear fell down the side of his face and onto the wooden floor. His breathing was dangerously fast. He couldn't catch his breath.

Lily sat up and darted her hands towards James' face. She compressed her palms around his cheeks and forced him to look at her. "James," It was like he couldn't hear her. "James, please listen to me. I know this is scary. I know you are in a lot of pain. But you need to calm down. You are loosing too much blood and I can't operate with you like this."

James stared at her with wide eyes. A single tear escaped. He nodded. Sirius quickly knelt down by James' head and placed his hands on his arms to restrain his friend. Lily ripped a section of James' shirt and rolled it into a ball. Gently, she placed it in James' mouth. She ran her hand along his messy black hair, and down the side of his cheek.

"Don't fight passing out." Lily placed her left hand on the outer edge of the wound for support. Gently, she picked up the metal blade and set it against James' skin. She hesitated for a moment, looking to James. He was watching, waiting. But in the brief moment when he closed his eyes and turned away, Lily pressed the blade into his skin. Blood followed the blade as she cut. She could hear James' muffled screams as she moved quickly to open the wound further. "Please pass out, please pass out…"

Sirius had to struggle to keep James still. His legs were kicking around violently as his arms were forced still. Just as the wound was open enough to search for the bullet, Lily swung her right leg around James' hips and sat on his thighs. "James! Stop moving! I could hit something!"

His eyes fell onto hers for a concise moment before he pushed his legs to the ground and struggled to remain still.

"Thank you." Lily whispered. She stared at the open wound, trying to figure out some sort of decent way to find the bullet. It wasn't going to be easy and it sure as hell wasn't going to be painless.

Lily bit her lip and took a second to put a latex glove. She stared at her hand momentarily. Without allowing another thought, she drove her fingers inside. Another muffled scream. It was much more difficult to find than she had expected. After what seemed like a few hours but couldn't have been more than two minutes, her pointer finger hit a cold metal. She grabbed it and pulled it slowly out of James' torso. When she looked up, James had already passed out. She hadn't even noticed his body fall limp.

The bullet was much smaller than she imagined. It felt nearly impossible that something that tiny could cause so much damage. Sirius quickly grabbed his wand and pointed it at James' open wound. "_Santare." _

The wound began to close on its own, leaving only the blood around him. A mass of bruising and scars were left in place of the hole, but in time that would heal as well. She looked to Sirius. "It's over."

He nodded, as he stared at James. It was then Lily saw just how close they were. Sirius was in pain just watching James. "Is he going to be okay? I've never dealt with muggle weapons before."

"He'll be fine." Lily said, looking back at James. His face was so still it terrified her. She traced the line of his jaw with her fingers. He groaned slightly. "I'm going to stay here. You should get some rest. I can't remember the last time you slept."

"I don't know, Lily…" Sirius started.

"I'll keep an eye on him. If anything happens, I'll make sure to come get you." Lily knew how much Sirius needed to rest. He had been up for nearly 48 hours and she could see the redness in his eyes. It had been a long night.

Sirius nodded, feeling relief as he made his way up the stairs.

James began to groan again, his face twisting. Lily quickly placed a hand on his chest. "Shh, you're alright. I'm here."

He took a deep breath and relaxed again. Lily sighed, and grabbed a pillow from the couch. She placed it under his head and pushed strands of hair away from his eyes. Her own hair swung in front of her face. It had returned to its ginger color. Her hands bared the color of James' blood, but she couldn't bring herself to wash them. She was too terrified to leave him, even for a second.

* * *

**James **

When he opened his eyes the following morning, he felt little pain in his stomach. He propped himself up slowly, trying to avoid any sudden head rush and when none came he sat up fully. It was then his entire abdomen seemed to betray him.

"… and there it is." He muttered, clutching his stomach. Wave of pain flooded through his upper body but it felt so insignificant compared to the previous night. He rested his back against the couch, swinging his legs over. Someone must have moved him onto the couch after he passed out. He was thankful for that, for he felt little pain. He looked down to examine the wound, but instead there was a wrapping of a white bandage around his waist he didn't seem to notice before. There were many layers but blood still soaked through.

James groaned at a sudden wave of pain, but it vanished when he heard Lily stir. She was sleeping in a ball, knees tucked to her chest, in the smallest one person seater he had ever seen. Her wand was clenched in her hand, and medical supplies spread across the floor around her.

James smiled, realizing she must have spent the night there. Lily groaned again before her eyes fluttered open. She lifted her head quickly when she saw James sitting up and awake.

She jumped off the couch and leapt the remaining two feet to James. "What are you doing? You should be lying down. You could open the wound again…"

"Again?" James asked; complying as she gently pushed his shoulders back into his sleeping position. He swung his legs up onto the end of the couch. Lily sat cross legged on the floor by James' head.

"Yeah, you woke up in the middle of the night screaming." She said. "Sirius came running down the stairs- you should have seen him- with his wand aimed and his hair was just hysterical! But, oh right, anyway, you woke up screaming and started thrashing about. Sirius and I tried to hold you still but it was like you were sleepwalking, expect more like sleep fighting. You were muttering stuff about Voldemort and you tried to attack us."

"I… what?" James looked incredibly concerned, but Lily just laughed.

"Don't worry, you punched Sirius in the face- something you've done before, I'm sure- but you didn't get me. You fell back asleep quite quickly. But the problem was, the spell we used to close the wound the first time only works once, so I had to do it by hand."

James smiled. "I was curious as to why there was so much blood."

"Yeah, well, I tried." Lily smiled, reaching up and pushing James' hair into his eyes. "I closed it again, but that wrap was really difficult to get on without waking you. So, appreciate it."

"Oh I do, trust me." James said. He turned to face Lily after staring at the ceiling for so long. He was glad her hair had returned red again and her eyes their normal shade of vibrant green. "Thanks, for everything. I am the one who is supposed to be doing the saving around here, not you."

"You just keep forgetting that I'm not some helpless school girl, Potter. Sometimes you just need shut your stupid mouth and remember that." James opened his mouth to argue but Lily shook her head, a sad smile across her face. "… but you could have died last night. So, I guess I can let you off the hook for an evening."

* * *

The following week was much more difficult than they expected. James couldn't apparate with his injury so they had to travel by foot. Lily didn't seem to mind much since she was able to see other human beings besides the marauders. Sirius had bought train tickets for Stirling, Scotland where his family kept an abandoned summer home. Sirius always hated that house, but he needed to find a more suitable place to keep James while he recovered.

"_You can't be serious…" James said, running his fingers through his hair anxiously. Sirius's eyes glared bullets, clearly not amused. "I'm not kidding around, man! I can't be kicked off this case! I can't leave Li-"_

_His hands went flying to his gut. An overwhelming pain filled inside him. He groaned and clenched his jaw so tight his lower lip began to bleed. When the pain subsided after what felt like hours, he relaxed and looked up to see Lily on the couch next to Sirius, staring back at him with a terrified look in her eyes. _

_Ever since he was shot, Lily became extremely protective of him. In any other circumstance, he would have milked the situation to the bone. She was by his side constantly and fetched him whatever he needed. But the sadness and guilt that consumed Lily's eyes wasn't worth it. Not one bit. _

_ "I thought it wasn't that bad anymore…" Lily started; her lips slightly apart. "You said…"_

_ James forced a smile through the tension in his face. "I'm alright, Red. I'm invincible, remember?"_

_ Lily smiled sadly when she saw the pain emerging from his eyes again. She folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the back of the couch. Sirius shook his head. _

_ "Look man, we have to get you healed soon. You can't fight in that condition. Mad Eye is going to find out, and he'll have you removed." _

_ Lily perked up. "What? He can't do that! We need him."_

_ "Oh, so now you want to keep me around, huh Red? I think my charm has started to grow on you." James tried his best to convince Lily that he was getting better, but she could see right through him. James quite liked the fact that she was getting to know him like that. She smiled nervously and dropped her glance to the wooden floors. _

_ Lily reddened slightly. "It's just, this is a really good case and um, I wouldn't want it on your record, and…"_

_ "You're not just some case to me." James said flatly but sincerely. By this point he had told her so many times one would think it was drilled in her head. It wasn't. It was much harder to eliminate that young-arrogant-James persona than he originally imagined. _

_ "I don't want your career in the dumps because I got you shot-"_

_ "I'm sorry, what?" A look of pure confusion overcame James' face that conflicted with am unintentional charge of anger. "What are you talking about?"_

_ Lily pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and looked briefly at Sirius who seemed just as confused. "If I didn't trip and you didn't come back for me…"_

_ James shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous. It's not your fault."_

_ "But you wouldn't be here at all if Moody hadn't assigned you or if Volde-"_

_ "You don't know the first thing about me, Evans, do you?" James stood to his feet, despite the pain in his abdomen. He clutched his stomach and took a deep breath before he spoke again. "It doesn't matter what happens to me. I'm protecting you. I _want _to protect you. This isn't a job to me! It never was. I would take a thousand bullets if it meant saving your life. Don't tell me I don't want to be here, or this is just some case. It's not. It's you. It's always you."_

_ Lily found herself staring at the floor as James spoke. She uncrossed her legs and lifted her head slowly to face him. His cheeks were flushed and he seemed out of breath again. She could tell the pain had returned as he struggled to push it away. James kept his face stern but it seemed to soften rather quickly. For a while they remained silent. Then Sirius stood and grabbed onto James shoulder. _

_ "Come on, sit down." When James didn't budge, Sirius pushed him down onto the chair. "You're in pain. You don't have to pretend like you're not."_

_ James finally broke his stare with Lily and looked up at his best mate. Sirius was always strong when it came to stuff like this. _

_ Sirius sighed. "Look, I'll go into town and look for some kind of potion to help move this along. We'll have to lie much lower than we have been if we want to keep this from Mad Eye. That means both of you are confined to this house until I say otherwise."_

_ Lily opened her mouth to argue but was quickly cut off._

_ "I'm not kidding around, Lily. James won't be able to protect you if something happens."_

_ "I can handle myself."_

_ "-and James too?" Sirius questioned. Lily's strong expression faltered. "I'm sorry guys. But if we want to keep James around and Lily alive, neither of you can leave."_

_ Lily stole a quick glance from James before turning back to Sirius. It killed her how much she wanted out. She wanted to run out that door and never look back. She could just feel the wind in her hair and the smell of freshly cut grass in the air. But then she heard a low moan coming from James' direction. He looked up when he sensed Lily's stare and forced a small smile. Lily signed. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be so selfish."_

_ Sirius smiled lightly. "I know it's getting hard. Don't worry about it. We'll make it through."_

* * *

It was their fourth day in Stirling when James woke in the middle of the night. He lifted the end of his shirt, rolling it up and holding it with his teeth. He stared down at the bruising on his left side and the pinkish skin where the wound had closed. He ran a finger across it, no longer wincing at the pain. He smiled and let his head fall back onto his bed.

"James?"

He jumped at the sound of Lily's voice. After running a hand through his hair in attempt to somewhat tame the mess, he pulled his body into a sitting position. His eyes fell to the clock next to him that only read 3:23am. "What are you doing up?"

Lily looked around the room nervously as she played with the ends of her hair. She didn't know what to say for a while, but James was content in the silence. Even the dark, moonlit room Lily looked as beautiful as ever. Her hair was messy in a way he had never seen before and she appeared to be swallowed up by a large tshirt she wore.

Lily mostly just stared at James, opening and closing her lips as if she was trying to find the right words. "I, um, I just heard this noise, and I… oh it's stupid. I'll just go."

"Hey," James called after her when he sensed the fear in her voice. "What's going on?"

Lily stopped, thankful that James seemed to care enough. She walked back to him and sat on the edge of his bed. She took a deep breath. "I don't know. I feel childish, but I keep hearing these noises and I can't sleep. I feel like it's the death eaters or something." She stared at James, waiting for him to laugh but he only lifted a hand to push the covers off his body.

"Here," he swung his legs over the side and stood to his feet. "Sleep here."

Lily stood up as well. "What? No. I can't ask you to do that."

James smiled encouragingly. "It's not a problem, Evans. Look, I'll sleep on the couch over here. That way if you wake up again, I'll just be over here."

"But your side…"

"It doesn't even hurt anymore. Sirius has been giving me some kind of quick healing potion he brewed. I'm fine." James said as he sat on the couch.

Lily nodded, feeling quite guilty. She didn't know what she came to his room looking for if it wasn't this. She sure didn't want to be alone and James was offering to do this for her… "Thanks, James. It, uh, it really means a lot."

"Anytime, Evans."

A soft smile lifted her lips as she placed her head against James' pillow and fell asleep within seconds.

When she awoke the next morning, sunlight filled the entire room. She looked for James on the couch but he had disappeared. Lily wondered briefly if her unsettling mutters in the night scared him away. She rubbed her eyes and sat up, leaning against the backboard. Right as she was about to remove the covers, the door swung open.

James strolled in with just a towel around his waist, humming some song she didn't recognize. He didn't seem to notice she was awake as he tiptoed around the room, his wet hair leaving a trail of water behind him. He threw a second towel on his head and dried his hair viciously. When he removed the towel it was almost impossible for Lily not to laugh. His hair was much more messy than usual, sticking out in almost every direction conceivable. He opened the closet doors and reached for the towel around his waist.

Lily began to laugh and the quickly clasped her hands against her lips. James spun around, clearly startled. He clung onto the towel, holding it fiercely against his body.

"I'm sorry," more laughs "I just couldn't…"

Lily continued to laugh as James tried to fix his hair. His face was a bright shade of red, though he didn't seem that embarrassed. He straightened up and put a confident smile on his face after Lily fell silent. "How long have you been up?"

"Oh, ever since you walked through the door."

"Enjoying the show then Evans?"

"Potter…"

"Were you going to let me drop my towel then? Oh come on Evans, I know you're curious."

"Don't flatter yourself."

"I think you fancy a peak, Red."

"What did I say about calling me 'Red'?"

"I don't remember, probably something about how much you love it."

"Potter…"

"Evans…"

"Guys!" Sirius pushed open the door. "It is too early in the morning for this!" he stopped and looked at James who was half clothed. "What is going on in here…?"

"Lily just was enjoying my undressing is all."

"That's not true!"

"Is too."

"Guys!" Sirius rolled his eyes and slammed his palm against his forehead. "I'm glad you're not literally at each other's throats anymore but this flirtation nonsense has to stop. This may be worse…"

Lily swung her legs over the side of the bed. "It's not flirtation, Sirius."

"Yes it is." James said, placing his hands on his hips.

"It's not."

A brief moment of silence passed as Sirius looked around the room curiously. "Did you sleep in here last night?"

Suddenly Lily became very quite and stepped back. Her face turned a bright red and James' smile fell instantly. James walked towards Sirius and put an arm around his shoulder. He said something into his ear that Lily couldn't hear. Sirius' devilish expression softened and he nodded before pulling away.

"Right." Sirius said, smiling lightly. "I'm going to get the last of James' potion and then we can decide what to do from there."

As Sirius walked out the door, Lily turned to James. "What did you say to him?"

James shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

She hardly wanted James to know about her ridiculous fear, let alone Sirius. But the warm smile James wore on his lips insisted that he had not said anything to embarrass her. Lily sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, about last night."

James' head perked up as he stepped out from behind the closet doors, wearing a fresh new pair of shorts. "Why?"

"I don't know. I just feel silly." Lily confessed, crossing her arms. James stood in front of her and she found herself staring at the pink and purple mess of skin on the side of his stomach. She felt her jaw quiver but stopped it immediately.

"Don't." James knelt so he was level with the redhead. "I can't imagine how hard this is for you and I know you put on a brave face most of the time. But you don't have to, if you don't want to. I would never think anything different of you. You are the brightest, most talented witch I know. You shouldn't be ashamed to be scared." James reached out and pulled her hands into his. He sighed heavily as his thumb traced circles against her skin.

He smiled encouragingly. "I'm scared, you know. Scared that I'll fail and something will happen to you. Scared that I'll die and leave you alone to fend for yourself. Scare that both of you will get killed… and I won't."

He exhaled and met Lily's eyes. "But we all have each other. We'll get through it one way or another."

Lily nodded, staring into James' hazel eyes. She had never seen him so sincere. She felt a lump in her throat and tears behind her eyes. James had found a way to make her feel safer than she ever imagined. She never wanted to leave his company and she found herself wanting to be wrapped in his arms until they were force apart. Over the past months, she had found herself to be much less angry and annoyed with James than she ever though she could be. In fact, she began to crave his attention and banter. But she never really noticed it until now. How could it have taken this long to see James for the real man he is? Why wouldn't he let her see it sooner? Any day now, Voldemort and his mad followers could storm into their unlikely cabin and murder all three of them. She realized in that moment that it wasn't death she was afraid of, but rather facing the idea that she would never see James again. And that scared her much more than the death eaters.

James stood up, smiled lightly and went back to the closet. Lily shook her head as if to get rid of the emotions sitting across her face. When she realized she couldn't, she jumped up quickly, told James she'd see him later and ran back to her room before the tears consumed her.

* * *

**James**

A few mornings later James and Sirius sat at the kitchen table, trying to find something to talk about besides the elephant in the room. They had been on the run for much longer than they were told. The ministry was just starting to realize Voldemort was a serious bloke and wasn't the kind of criminal you can catch in a month or two.

"Look, I'm thinking we should hit up Cannes in a couple days." Sirius said, looking around the musty kitchen with a saddened expression. "I'm sick of this place."

James nodded and took the final swig of eggnog. "I know man; we've been here long enough."

It was midway through December and the trio had been staying at Sirius' parents' cottage for nearly a month and a half. Their stay had lasted much longer than it should have, but the pains of the house started to actually grow on them. Lily had found a secret alcove in the basement she could hide away in and scare the living shit out of the boys when they couldn't find her. James spent most of his time in the kitchen attempting to make some decent food as opposed to the stale chips in the cupboard. Sirius started taking down the portraits of his family and shoving them in the attic after they started hollering about Lily's blood status. Since then, Sirius didn't mind the house too much.

James looked out the window, watching as snow covered the ground. He couldn't avoid it anymore. "It's been nearly three months already."

"Has it? Shit. You know, Moody said this would be over with by now…" Sirius said, shaking his head. "I got a message from him this morning. He said to expect another few months if not more before they catch up with this Voldemort guy."

"Fuck." James threw his head back and let out a deep breath. Naturally, his first thought fell to the redhead sleeping upstairs. "How are we supposed to tell Lily? She's having a hard enough time as it is."

"Tell Lily what?"

James spun around in his chair at the sound of her voice as she stepped down the stairs. Her hair was in the process of being pulled into the bun on the top of her head. She rubbed her eyes and yawned before taking a seat at the table next to Sirius.

She smiled lightly and looked at one boy, then the other. When she saw the withholding looks upon their faces, her smile fell. "What's going on?"

Sirius pushed a glass of eggnog in Lily's direction. He nodded for her to take it. She grabbed the glass and held it between her hands nervously. "Can you guys stop treating me like a child? Just tell me."

Sirius exchanged a glance with James before speaking. "Moody said it could be a while longer before you can go home."

"So… what… like a few weeks?" Lily asked, knowing the answer was probably much longer. She waited a few moments before anyone spoke again to tell her otherwise and she began to dread it.

It was James who spoke and placed his hand on her shoulder. He squeezed it lightly. "Months… most likely."

Lily closed her eyes and bit her lip. Her father had promised her home by Christmas. It would be the first one she had ever spent apart from her family. Just the mere thought of her parents pushed a tear down the side of her face. She opened her eyes to see both boys looking at the table rather than the drips of water along her cheek. She appreciated that.

"So… Christmas with the marauders, huh?" Lily forced a smile onto her lips. James looked up, a soft but subtle grin across his face.

Sirius nodded, taking another swig. "It'll be great, I promise."

* * *

**So this one is shorter than I wanted, but the next chapter should be quite long so that will be great :)**

**Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review if you liked it :)**

**xoxo**

**Kasey **


	6. Barlights & Old Friends

**Lily**

The following day they finally packed their things and moved to Cannes. It was quiet where James had found a small cottage in a village called Eze. It was breath taking, really. Lily would sit out on the porch every morning just staring out at the ocean. She was so happy that they had finally picked a place that didn't feel like jail cell. The only problem; it made her urge to leave the cabin much stronger.

The noises stopped bothering her as much in this quaint village, so she stopped sleeping in James room. She found herself missing it; his quiet muttering before he fell asleep, the way his breathing seemed to have twenty different dynamic volumes. She quickly pushed those thoughts away.

"Lily!" James shouted. "Dammit… Lily!"

He came running into Lily's room, completely out of breath and used the door frame to keep his body upright. He threw his hair out of his eyes and groaned when he saw her sitting on the porch. "You can't just leave like that!"

Lily laughed. "I'm not a toddler, James. I can make it back to the house on my own you know."

"You didn't tell me or Sirius that you were leaving!"

"Actually, she told me…" Sirius stepped into the room, a wide grin on his face.

"I just ran up a mountain screaming frantically because I thought the death eaters got her!"

"It was funny."

"I kicked a goat!"

"Still funny."

"I ran two miles _uphill._"

"You're welcome."

"Damn you, Padfoot!" James pushed Sirius against the wall. He turned to Lily as if to shout something at her but only shook his head and huffed out a breath. "I'm going to take a shower. No one disappear when I'm gone."

Sirius made his way to the outside balcony where Lily was still laughing. He sat down in a chair next to her and sighed. "I see why you like it so much here."

Even from the top of the village you could smell the ocean water. Just below and to the left you could even spot Monte Carlo. Houses were pilled up the sides of rolling hills and birds flew against the skyline. It all made him feel more relaxed than he had in months.

"I know the policy about contacting the other aurors, but, if you knew something you would tell me, right?" Lily asked, keeping her eyes on the horizon to avoid looking at Sirius' unintentional look of pity.

Sirius sighed and grabbed Lily's hand in his. "I swear to you, I would."

She nodded and closed her eyes. It was much harder on her than Sirius had initially realized. He knew she was close with Noah, but he now supposed it was a relationship like he had with James. He wasn't sure how she was keeping it together so well.

"You're really brave, Evans. I admire you for that."

Lily turned to him, redness in her eyes. "What?"

Sirius adjusted his posture and pulled a knee to his chest. "It's just, I know you hate it sometimes- being with us and being cooped up in tiny cabins. But, honestly, you're much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I would have taken off long ago if it was me."

"Oh, believe me; if I could just leave for one night off, I would."

Sirius smiled. "I honestly wouldn't blame you."

* * *

The following day was Noah's birthday. That was the worst; the absolute worst. Each year since he turned sixteen the two of them would sneak out of Hogwarts at midnight to have a drink at a nearby pub. It was kind of a tradition that transferred onto her birthday as when she became that age as well.

As James poked his head in the door to say goodnight, Lily stared off at the stars outside, wanting- for the first time in a while- to escape out into the night. Really escape. Leave this town and never turn back. She turned around. "'Night James."

"You sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine Potter. Now go to bed." Lily smiled, waving him off. He grinned, with a strange hint of sadness, and shut the door carefully behind him.

Lily turned back to the sky. It was so big, so dark, and so magical. The clock next to her read 23:37pm. She shut her eyes, briefly trying to imagine Noah knocking on her door at roughly this time like he did every year.

_"Come on, Lil… or I'll really need a drink if McGonagall catches me..." Noah whispered from the other side of the wooden doors. Lily smiled and pranced to the door. She carefully opened it without making a sound and threw her arms around Noah's neck. He laughed._

_ "Happy Birthday, Noah." _

_ "Alright, enough enough." Noah pulled Lily's arms away. "Ok, so I've got Marlene down there already with the first round and Frank is keeping watch at the passageway for Filch. Come on."_

_ Lily laughed, grabbing onto Noah's hand and ran off down the hallways in the dead of the night. As she chased off behind him, the cold air whipped against her face. It was much darker outside than she expected, and certainly as empty. In the distance, she could hardly see the pub. _

_ Noah led her to the doors, swinging them open. It was a ghost town, but that was exactly what they wanted. Marlene sat at the bar, a growing smile across her face. She lifted two mugs of butterbeer. "Happy Birthday Noah." _

_ He grinned, and snatched the glass from her hand. Throwing it back, he chugged the whole thing before Lily could have a second to grab hers. _

_ "Merlin's Noah… calm yourself." Lily said._

_ Noah pulled up his sleeve, and wiped away the foam from his lips. "Oh relax yourself. It's my happy seventeenth; the last time we can do this, you know, before I'm out of this dump forever."_

_ "I don't think so."_

_ "No?"_

_ Lily's lips widened, as she took her first sip. "You'd come back for me."_

_ Noah watched as Lily drank the last from her mug. He crossed his arms over his chest, and shook his head. "I'd always come back for you."_

She had trouble picturing his face. Were his eyes blue or green? Which arm had that singular dominate freckle? Suddenly her jaw began to quiver as she waited for his knock on the door. Lily shut her eyes very tightly and took a deep breath. She turned her attention to the balcony doors. She never imagined it would take this long until she returned home and now she was sentenced to another few months. It was too much. She needed… well, she needed a drink.

"Just one time. They won't even know." She made her way to the doors and grabbed her wand from the dresser. She looked toward the hallway for a brief moment. James had passed out not too long ago. She thought of how he would react if he knew she left. He would probably throw a fit. Lily smiled at the thought.

He really did care about her. It was strange.

She let out a sigh. Quickly she grabbed a scrap of paper and jotted down a note. Just in case.

Once she finished, she closed her eyes rather tightly, trying her best to imagine her destination. A small crack later, and she stood only a foot from where she started. "Those bastards."

Understanding apparition clearly wasn't an option, she looked to the window. Lily made her way carefully to the balcony. It wasn't a far drop; maybe five feet or so.

"For Noah."

Without a second though, she climbed over the edge and released herself. She fell to the grass with a soft thud. An enormous grin came over her face. Standing to her feet Lily began to run.

She ran almost a mile before she stopped. It was so clear and so incredibly beautiful. In the far distance, she could spot the city. It wasn't too far, she could run that...

She began to push her legs against the gravel, storming down the hills. The wind ran through her hair. Her pulse quickened. She felt invincible.

The next thing she knew, she was on the streets of Monte Carlo. Expensive cars drove by at every street corner and busy people walked past her as if she were a ghost. James and Sirius had nothing to worry about… no one even noticed her here. Shoulders bumped into hers and angry men shouted relentlessly.

A smile spread across her face as she realized how free she was. She knew she would return before either boy knew she was gone, but in that moment she was utterly and completely free. She made her way down the street towards the coast. Lily was never much of a drinker, but she always had a few on Noah's birthday. It was tradition. It seemed wrong not to.

She thought briefly of Noah and what he was doing right now. Was he doing the same thing; running off in the dead of night to get some drinks like she was? Or was he lying unconscious at Voldemort's feet? A shiver soared up her spine at the image appearing in her head. She pushed it away before the tears started.

Suddenly she crashed into a stranger and sent the girl tumbling towards the floor. "Oi! Watch where you're walking!"

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!" Lily reached down to grab the girl's hand but she pushed it away and got up on her own. The girl was roughly Lily's age and had short, brown burly hair that seemed to stick out in every direction. She wasn't the kind of beautiful one would think to call as such, and she had a strange, unidentified quality about her that made her appear like an old friend. She seemed… trustworthy.

Her irritated face switched quickly to a pleasant one. "I'm Tara." She reached out and shook Lily's hand.

"Lily."

Tara smiled and studied the redhead for a moment. "English, clearly. What brings you to Monte Carlo?"

"Oh, just… um, traveling."

"You don't seem so sure." Tara pushed a mess of curls away from her face that held a wide smile. "No matter. I don't usually question that sort of thing. Not my style. But, hey! I've been looking for a plus one all night. Come on, I've got VIPs at this sick bar down by the Casino Royal. You should come."

"Oh I don't know…"

Tara put her hands on her hips. "Oh don't be a coward. You're in Monte Carlo! You don't come to a city like this not to take risks."

Lily laughed and followed willingly as Tara grabbed her by the elbow and began to drag her down the busy street. No one stared at them, or tried to take their picture. No Death Eaters. No paparazzi. She never felt more alive.

When they finally reached the bar, it looked extremely out of place. Sitting just a block down from the Casino Royal, the bar speared like some sort of sorry excuse for a rundown auto shop. It looked quite similar to the one the trio had visited in NYC actually. A pang of guilt hit Lily when she thought of the boys and if they woke to find her not there. She looked back up the mountain, to the small village on top.

"You coming?" Tara poked her head back outside.

Lily snapped back and nodded. She ran to catch up with Tara through the busy crowd of people. They both took a seat at the bar. People crowded in every direction and there was hardly room to breathe let alone elbow room. Tara laughed at Lily's discomfort.

"Don't worry. My cousin's the bartender here. He'll hook us up. And these people? They'll all be passed out in an hour with the kinds of drinks Logan makes." Tara smiled and raised her hand to signal her cousin.

Lily nodded cautiously. She wasn't sure why she followed this girl, or allowed her to bring her to some random bar, but it was the most fun she'd had in months. Tara handed her a 12 oz bottle of beer.

Tara raised hers in the air. "To nights that never end!"

Lily laughed and raised hers as well before taking a swig. Within minutes both bottles were empty. Tara giggled with excitement. "Oh… Logan! We'll take six shots please!"

Lily looked to Tara nervously. She only grinned harder. "Each."

* * *

**James**

He awoke suddenly around two in the morning to the sound of car horns below his window. He rolled his eyes and walked to the window and stared outside. A car alarm was beeping frantically, yet nothing was wrong. James groaned and grabbed his wand from the dresser and muttered "_Silencio."_

The lights continued to flashed but the noise had become a muffle. As he made his way back to his bed, he found himself staring at Lily's door across the hallway. The car alarm surely woke her up. It had been a few weeks since they moved to Cannes and she hadn't slept in his room in a while. He knew she was still frightened, only she was trying harder to conceal it. He really wished she wouldn't.

He sighed and walked towards Lily's door. He knocked on it gently and waited for her voice. When it didn't come, he figured she must still be sleeping. But he should pop his head in anyway, just to be sure.

"Lily?" He whispered, careful not to wake her if she was sleeping. "I just wanted to see if-"

He swung the door open and it slammed against the wall the second his eyes met the empty bed. "Lily?"

Frantically he charged around the room searching, then out on the balcony, in the closet, under the bed, and downstairs in the kitchen. After nearly ten minutes of insanity, James came across a small scrap of paper on the night table next to Lily's bed.

_Dear Marauders, _

_ I know you'll be furious if you happen to wake in the middle of the night and find this letter. Please don't be. I can assure you that I'm fine and I'll be back in the morning. Don't come looking for me. I need some time on my own and to well… try to forget what day it is. You understand how hard it's been on me. I need this. Don't freak out… (James). _

_ Lily _

James charged up the stairs and threw Sirius' door open. He lay in his bed, looking quite annoyed and propped his body up on his elbows. He rolled his eyes and threw his body back against the pillow. "Go away Prongs."

"Get. Up. Lily's gone."

"What?" Sirius swung his legs around the side of the bed and picked up a tshirt from off the floor, pulling it over his head.

"Look at this." James shoved the piece of paper at Sirius' chest. He looked down at it and shook James' away.

James watched impatiently as Sirius read the note. When Sirius finished, he looked up, smiling.

"I'm sorry… _what is so funny?_" James followed as Sirius walked back to Lily's room, wand in hand.

"She took a night off." Sirius said, laugher taking over his words. He cupped his hand to his lips.

James ran his fingers through his hair. "This isn't happening."

Sirius shrugged. "Oh stop freaking out. I'm sure Lily's just fine. She wouldn't do anything crazy."

"Her plan is to go into a foreign city alone and get wasted…"

Sirius walked over to a space of what looked like empty air. He pulled out his wand and gently waved it through the space. The air seemed to drag alone being the top of the wand, almost like water. Sirius laughed and clapped a hand on James' back. "Look, we can follow her. The apparition residue is still here. She couldn't actually aparrated more than a foot for so, since we out that charm on her, but she had the intentions. That's good enough to follow."

James shook his head. "I'm going to kill her."

"No you won't. She'll flash those green eyes of hers all puppy eyed and_ you'll_ end up apologizing." Sirius said frankly as he lifted his wand and muttered a spell.

James snorted and found himself laughing at the honestly of the statement as he apparated behind Sirius into the busy streets of Monte Carlo.

* * *

**Lily **

"Wait!" Lily grabbed onto Tara's shoulder as she began to laugh through her teeth. "Where are z-you going?"

Tara laughed and threw back another shot. "I don't know, but I need to see some penguins like _right now._"

Lily grabbed onto the countertop for support. "Did, d-d-did you know that penguins are just basically prostitutes? The lady penguin gets it on with the man penguin and then he gives her rocks!"

"I… did not!" Tara nearly plunged herself over the table. "LOGAN! I need like four more shots and a ride to the zoo! The penguins are calling me!"

Lily burst into laughter as Logan attempted to stabilize his plastered cousin. Tara suddenly turned to Lily and grinned. "Sleepy time..."

She fell off the barstool and collapsed onto the floor at Lily's feet. Lily stared in shock for a few moments before bursting into a fit of laughter. She clutched her stomach as tears escaped the sides of her eyes. She spun around to face Logan.

"I'll take, I'll take, I'll take, take, take, take… ay-notha shot, my dear sir." Lily's words slurred much more than they ever have before and she burst out into laughter at Logan's stunningly straight face.

"You have had quite a lot to drink."

"Have I? I've only had like-" She held up her fingers, trying to count. "One, two, three, five, six, - like zero! Fooled you! I've had nothing. I am com-completely sober!" _hiccup_.

Logan laughed and tapped Lily on the nose. "Not entirely, dear."

_Hiccup. _Another fit of giggles. Lily lifted her hand and took a few seconds to find her nose before she touched the spot Logan tapped. Her eyes widened and she grinned in an enormous triumph.

"I'm cutting you off, kid."

"Ah, ah, ah, I don't think so!" Lily reached out and tried to grab a glass of tap from Logan's hand that was meant for a man at the other end of the bar.

"Not tonight, Red." He laughed, slapping Lily's hand away playfully. She giggled again, clasping her hands over her mouth and he thought for a moment at how beautiful the strange girl was. "Look, is someone coming to get you?"

"I sure hope not."

"I just mean, you shouldn't drive or walk home alone." Logan clarified, scratching the back of his neck. Lily tipped her head back and held onto the edge of the counter for dear life.

"Everything's upside-down!" When Lily nearly fell off the back of the chair, Logan added, "By a long shot…"

"No, no, no, sir. The Marauders would kill me if they knew." Lily slurred, pulling herself back up to face the bartender.

"What's a marauder?"

"T-trust me, you, you don't want to know." _Hiccup._

"No?"

"No."

Lily suddenly thought of James. She thought of Sirius. She thought of how angry they would be with her. She thought how James, especially, would be angry. Lily found herself smiling at the thought of him.

"He's a really good guy, isn't he?" Lily said, thinking out loud.

Logan looked up. "Sorry, umm… who?"

Lily slammed her hand onto the counter. "James _freakin _Potter! He's quite attractive. I like to look at him. You would probably like to look at him too, if you're gay. If your gay that's cool, I like gay people. James is pretty handsome. No, that's not even enough. He's hot, like steaming hot. Have you seen him without a shirt on? Holy muscles and… I need him to be mine. Mine. Mine. Mine."

Logan smiled wide, pouring a glass of water for himself. He took a swig and turned his attention back to the redhead. "Well, you are quite beautiful. I'm sure this James fellow would be incredibly lucky to have you."

Lily's cheeks turned a bright shade of red before she burst into giggles. She clasped her hand to her lips in an attempt to keep them in. She was wildly unsuccessful.

Logan grinned softly to himself. "I don't see many sweet faces that are willing to drink with Tara. You can't possibly be from her usual crowd. Where are you from, darling?"

Lily's eyes widened and she leaned in close. She lifted a finger as if to quiet him and looked around the nearly empty bar cautiously. "It's a…shhhhh-secret."

Logan laughed, half expecting an answer like that, and jumped up and sat on the edge of the bar. He swung his legs around and landed on the floor next to Lily just as she was trying to stand. She slipped off the edge and fell against Logan's chest. He steadied her and made sure she was still before he began to laugh.

* * *

**James**

"This is mad. Why couldn't she just stay put?" James looked around anxiously for cars before they crossed the street to find themselves in front of an old rundown bar.

"Oh don't be so hard on her." Sirius said. "She's having a hard time with this. You know that."

"I know, I know. But the Death eaters could have easily spotted her. She's not that hard to miss." James pushed on the heavy doors and stepped inside to find a different sight than he imagined.

The bar was quite empty by this time and several people lay passed out on the floor. It wasn't until his eyes caught sight of Lily did he slightly relax. A second later when he noticed her arms wrapped around an unknown man, his hands closed to fists. Everything inside of him seemed to clench up. James knew he had feelings for Lily. Hell, he had basically been in love with her since 5th year. But the second he saw her dangerously close to the body of another man, everything seemed to stop. His head felt flustered. His stomach seemed to turn upside down. Without a second thought, he stormed over in their direction and pushed the man out of Lily's grasp.

"Oi! Hands off!" James shouted. He spun back around to find Lily hiding behind a chair trying to contain laughter. She peeked her eyes over the top and waved like a small child. "Shit, she's wasted."

Sirius laughed and walked to Lily's side. He grabbed her hand and led her by the door. Lily dropped his hand and moved them to Sirius' face. She messed with his hair, holding the tips out and throwing them into his face. Then she grabbed the minimal fat on Sirius' cheeks and pulled. Sirius pushed her away. "Enough, Evans!"

The man tapped James' shoulder. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

James laughed arrogantly. "Who are _you?"_

"Logan. I bartend here. I've been looking out for her all night. She's not going _anywhere_ with you."

"Listen, _Logan_. She's with us. Now why don't you just hop back behind your little safety wall and I'll-"

Lily ran forward and jumped between Logan and James. With her back pressed against Logan and a hand on James' chest, she struggled to keep her balance. "You'll do nothing, Potter. He's been very nice!"

Logan displayed a very proud face while James looked only at Lily. She seemed to get a bit dizzy and her grip on James' shirt tightened. He grabbed her arms and tried to steady her. "How much have you had?" James asked calmly, trying not to upset the clearly intoxicated Lily, though inside he felt more furious then he had in months. How could she do this? How could she be so irresponsible?

Her face was suddenly filled with confusion as she stared at the ceiling trying to count. But Logan replied instead, "Two beers, six shots of tequila, one apple martini, and half a cup of milk."

"Milk?"

"I didn't question it." Logan replied with an honest smile.

James nodded as Sirius came back to retrieve Lily. She tripped and fell into his arms laughing. Sirius wrapped one of her arms around his neck and wrapped his around her waist. "Come on, Evans. That's a girl…"

James turned to Logan. "I owe you an apology." He extended his hand. "I'm James."

A wide smile overcame Logan's face as he looked off to Lily. He shook James' hand, grasping onto it for a moment longer. "She's quite the keeper James. I wouldn't let her go if I were you."

James raised an eyebrow, a confused grin spreading across his lips. He let go of Logan's hand and raised his own to push his hair from his eyes. "Umm… I'll be sure not to. But, thanks man… for looking out for her."

Logan shook it and shrugged. "No thanks necessary. Maybe I'll see you three around?"

James began to follow Sirius and Lily out the door but turned around at the frame. He sighed. "Maybe. Thanks again, mate."

An expensive cab ride later, they arrive back at the cabin. Lily immediately threw herself onto the couch in the living room. Sirius laughed as she curled into a ball and hugged her legs. She looked so incredibly small.

Sirius turned James. "I'm sure you can handle it from here. I'm off to bed. Goodnight Miss Evans."

"Goodnight Puppy."

With one final shake of the head and a smile, Sirius made his way up the stairs and out of sight. James sat down on the couch next to Lily. He ran a hand through his hair subconsciously. Lily's smile widened as she mimicked him. Her fingers tangled relentlessly in her ginger hair.

James let out a small chuckle. "You scared me shitless tonight, you know that?"

Lily's face turned soft; unlike the crazy excited girl she had been all light. Her eyes were much larger than they were on a normal day, and they seemed to scream for his attention. It was a strange expression coming from her, especially since James was the receiver. "I didn't mean to. I was supposed to be back before you woke up."

"I thought- for a second- that maybe…" He paused, not wanting to think about the possibility; the horrendous scenario that was currently running through his mind. He shook the mental image away.

Lily nodded, understanding. She scooted closer to him and placed a hand on his thigh. It sent a shiver up James' spine. Her thumb rubbed circles against the fabric of his jeans. He tried to fight off the urge to say anything he might regret. He tried not to think about it and began to stare at the suddenly fascinating wall.

"I'm alright. I just, I needed some space." Lily said.

He nodded, trying to avoid her eyes without much success. When he finally looked up, Lily was inches from his face. She stared at him, lips slightly parted, with a longing look in her eyes. James shook his head knowing where this was going, "Lily…"

"Shhh…" Lily leaned closer and stopped so incredibly close to James' lips he could feel her breath. His heart was racing, wanting nothing more than to crash his lips against hers like he imagined so many times back at school. He had longed for Lily Evans, this perfect and gorgeous girl he really didn't know much about. It wasn't until the past few months did he realize just how in love with her he was. He loved her for all her flaws, for the insecure moments she allowed him to witness, the way she played with the ends of her hair when she was nervous…

He stared achingly into her emerald eyes. She wanted him. For the first time, she wanted him. He needed this and for only a second he thought he might actually kiss her.

For the smallest moment conceivable, his bottom lip grazed the edge of hers before he pulled back, cursing under his breath. Lily tilted her head to the side, unsure of what he was doing. Gently, he cupped the bottom edges of her face with his hands and lifted his lips to kiss her forehead. He lingered there for a while, his lips pressingly gently against her skin.

"Not like this…" He whispered as Lily fell graciously into his arms and closed her eyes. She didn't seem to hear him, and even if she did it wouldn't matter much. She wouldn't remember any of this in the morning anyway. James looked down at the mess of red hair against his chest. He smiled lightly as he realized she had already fallen asleep.

Gently, he wrapped an arm around her waist and another under her knees and lifted Lily into his arms. James carried her up the stairs and into her room without much noise. He laid her on the bed and brushed the hair away from her eyes. Careful not to wake her, he removed the sneakers from her feet and set them on the floor next to the dresser.

Lily turned onto her side and tucked her knees to her chest. James smiled; content to watch her. He walked forward and pulled the covers up to Lily's shoulders. She grabbed onto the edge and pulled it closer to her chin. James grinned softly to himself as he made his way to the door. He stopped and turned back to take a glimpse of Lily one last time before retreated back to his room.

"Goodnight." He whispered almost too soft to hear and turned off the lights.

* * *

**Lily **

Lily finally made her way downstairs around noon. James and Sirius looked up with smiles spread across their faces as she scratched her head. Her hair was all out of sorts and she was still wearing the clothes she had on the night before. When the lights shining in from the windows met her eyes, she squinted and groaned.

Sirius stood up and handed Lily a large mug of coffee. "Welcome to the glorious stage that is the hangover!"

"Not so loud." Lily said, taking the cup with one hand and shielding her eyes with the other.

James moved further down the sofa to make room for Lily. "You had quite the interesting night. Do you… um, remember anything?" His voice was suddenly quite nervous and it sparked curiosity in Lily.

She shook her head. "Not much… only Tara passing out and waking up here."

James nodded, not knowing which answer he would have preferred. "Who's Tara?"

"The one who brought me to that bar."

"Right. Tara…"

Sirius stood up and patted his legs. "Ok, everyone needs to get really excited and… you know what? Why don't you start thanking me now? Go on."

James rolled his eyes. "I don't even know what you did yet."

"Yes but, trust me, you should start now."

Sirius looked to Lily first, anxiously awaiting her praise. Lily looked up from her coffee. She blinked her eyes rapidly in attempt to focus. "Oh right. Um, you're amazing Sirius. Really, just spectacular. I couldn't thank you enough, really."

Sirius crossed his arms and waved her off. "Oh stop it, Evans you're too kind. Alright Prongs, let's hear it." He turned to James, who just stared at him speechless. "Oi! Your turn, Prongs."

James scooted forward to the edge of the couch and folded his hands. "Sirius Black; hero to our small and unimportant world. You, my gracious friend, are far stronger, manlier and handsomer than I could ever hope to be. May you lay with hundreds of woman for only few know your true honor. Thank you, great Padfoot, thank you."

James voice was stunningly flat and filled to the top with sarcasm but that didn't seem to bother Sirius much. He nodded in approval and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He grinned wildly before he turned his attention to the door. The anxiety seemed to get to him.

"I think you can come in now!"

Just as the door began to open, James stood up, alarmed and furious. "What the hell, Padfoot! You can't let anyone know we're here!"

But instead of the shrieks of terror James' imagined, Lily squealed of joy. She jumped over the back end of the couch and charged at the door. "Remus!"

James spun around. "Moony?"

Sirius laughed and clapped a hand on James' back. "I ran into him at the bookstore in town!"

"You don't read…"

"Fine. I was walking by the bookstore and I saw him in the window."

Remus lifted his head from Lily's neck and removed his arms. He gestured for James to come over. "Oh lighten up man, it's just us." He grinned as Peter stepped in behind him.

Sirius jumped into the air. "I didn't know Wormtail was here too!" He bolted in the boys' direction and threw his arms around the pair of them. "Shit, man. What brings you guys to Eze anyway?"

Remus shrugged. "It was Peter's idea."

Peter stepped forward. "My mum and dad used to come her all the time. I figured we deserved a vacation since the two of you fell off the face of the planet."

Sirius laughed and hit Peter over the back of the head. "We didn't fall off the planet. We've been with Lily."

Lily finally let her arms fall from around Remus' waist. She smiled shyly. A light bulb seemed to have struck in Remus' head. "Oh right! That's been all over the news. They've been saying you're on the run; scared me shitless it did. But I had no idea you were with these guys!" Remus hit both James and Sirius on the shoulder. "You lucked out."

Lily shook her head. "Oh I wouldn't say that…"

"Hey! We've been getting along swimmingly if I say so myself." James said defensively.

"It's still fun to mess with you though."

James grinned and gently hit Lily's arm. Sirius pushed the door closed behind the rest of the marauders. Remus turned to James, the solemn look across his friend's face startled him. James lifted an eyebrow as if to ask what was wrong, but Remus just shook his head.

"I am so happy to see you guys!" Lily said, clapping her hands. "It's been far too long since I've seen a different face around here."

Peter played nervously with his hands as Lily wrapped an arm around his neck. He smiled and his cheeks turned slightly red. Sirius laughed. "Might want to cool down, Wormtail. James already claimed her."

Lily dropped her arm and folded them across her chest. Her face suddenly turned stern over the redness in her cheeks. "I am_ not_ property, Sirius Black!"

"Oh come on, everyone knows you guys are bound to be together."

"That's not even slightly true."

"But it is." Remus chimed in. "We started a pool at the end of year six."

"You _what_?"

"Oh yeah. I put in twenty galleons myself that you'll be married within the next five years. Sirius is betting the next two."

Sirius nodded, obviously still holding strong. "I guarantee it."

Lily huffed. "Not if I have anything to say about it…"

"Oh calm down, Red." James grinned with that arrogant smirk he wore back in his Hogwarts days. "It's inevitable. You know that."

Lily rolled her eyes and stomped off into the kitchen where she grabbed a glass of milk from the fridge. Peter followed her, grabbing himself as glass as well. Sirius shrugged and charged after them.

Remus and James stood awkwardly for a moment before either spoke. The air was full of tension and James could feel it rising. It was strange. He knew something was off.

Remus reached for the doorknob and gestured for James to follow him outside. Once they were clear of earshot, he took a seat on a nearby park bench. "Look, I didn't come to Cannes on accident. That bit about Peter's family was a lie."

James sat down next to him. He ran a hand through his hair, knowing what Remus was about to say couldn't end well. "I figured so."

"Moody found me at Hogwarts. He sent me to tell you…" Remus stopped. He looked back towards the house where Lily, Peter and Sirius were visible in the window. She threw her head back laughing and grabbed onto Peter's arm to keep steady. Remus smiled sadly. "Shit. This is going to be hard."

"Out with it, Moony." James said, almost too harshly. He almost knew what was coming and it certainly wasn't good. Remus never had this look about him and it alarmed James. He shut his eyes tight, awaiting Moony's response.

"Noah is dead." Remus took a deep breath and put a hand on James' shoulder. "So are both his aurors. The death eaters found them in Vienna. Moody thinks it was Voldemort that got 'em… in the end."

James nodded. He stared at the grass intently. It was too hard to lift his head, or to even face Remus as he continued. He went on about how bravely each of them fought and how none of them gave up any of the information they could have had. James didn't listen much to the details; all he could think about was Lily. The only thing keeping her together was the idea of seeing Noah again. This was going to kill her.

"What am I supposed to say to her?" James asked, suddenly lifting his head, redness in his eyes.

Remus shook his head. "I don't know, man."

James stood to his feet, grabbed his hair and screamed. Remus bit his lip and avoided watching his friend as he kicked a nearby garbage can. "Goddammit!"

James shut his eyes, closing them so tightly he became dizzy. Noah was a good guy, a decent guy. He cared for Lily and looked after her through their Hogwarts years when James was being too much of an ass to do it himself. Noah was a brother to Lily. Noah was Lily's Sirius. This was going to devastate her.

James collapsed back onto the bench. "I'm not going to tell her; not until she's home again and safe from this Voldemort."

"What?" Remus scooted forward and sat on the edge of the bench. "That's probably the worst idea I've heard all day… She'll never forgive you when she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her."

"It doesn't matter." James sighed heavily. He forced his voice to be harsh and cold, though on the inside he felt like he was breaking apart. "It doesn't matter if she hates me, or never talks to me again. I just need her to be safe. I just need her to be safe…"

"You think she would do something reckless if she knew?"

"I'm not willing to risk it. She escaped last night so she could hold up some tradition she had with Noah. If she found out he was dead… I think she'd lose it." James' eyes finally made their way to the place he was most dreading; the cabin. Inside he knew Lily was happy. She was happy for the first time in a while. The news of her brother's murder would steal that from her. She would never be the same again…

Remus stood up. "Look, we should probably go back."

"Yeah, I guess so."

As the two marauders made their way back to the cabin, James found himself wanting to run in the opposite direction. It was the first time in years he didn't want to see Lily. He didn't want to see her emerald eyes or her vibrant red hair. He didn't want to see the way her nose crinkled when she smiled or how she nervously pulls strands of hair behind her ear, only for them to fall back moment later. The second she saw him, she would know something was wrong. He would have to put on a strong face. He would lie to her on a regular basis and slowly pull her apart. He would kill her in the end.

Remus pushed open the door to see Lily, Sirius and Peter on the couch. Sirius was laughing hysterically presumably at something Peter had the unfortunate timing of saying. Lily's smile was wider than it had been all day. When she heard the door open, she jumped up and ran to the boys. She threw her arms around Remus' neck.

"Man, I thought you weren't coming back!"

Remus smiled and laughed quietly as she removed her arms. She turned to James, her face filled with a joy he hadn't seen in a long time. She swung her arms around him and squeezed his body tight. James lifted his arms with what little strength he had and held her. He wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to hold her and tell her she was going to be alright, though he knew she wouldn't. These next few months were going to be hell.

Lily released James and without another glance, jumped over the back end of the couch and fell into the seat next to Sirius. James forced a smile and made his way to the living room where he struggled to keep it together.

* * *

"_Dead?_" Sirius repeated, not wanting James to confirm it.

"Not so loud. She could hear." James nodded to the stairs. Lily had gone up to bed an hour after Remus and Peter left. James, of course, couldn't sleep all night and Sirius wanted to know why. It wasn't easy to say it out loud again. "You're not telling her." It was more of a statement then a question.

Sirius shook his head. "I promised her I would."

"You're not telling her, Padfoot!" James sighed and looked to the stairs to make sure he hadn't woken Lily. He lowered his voice to a dull whisper. "Please. I'll tell her when everything is safe again. She can't know while we're on the run. You know Lily. She'd do something stupid, like skip town again. Only this time, I don't know if she'd come back."

"I don't know James…"

"You know how much Noah meant to her." James pointed out and Sirius nodded, seeming to understand.

"Fine, but don't blame it on me when she decides to never talk to you again. She needs someone to help her through it, not become another enemy." Sirius sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to change James' mind. "I won't say anything. But, Prongs, you need to understand… she'll never look at you the same way again."

James closed his eyes, understanding more than Sirius could have known at the time. He knew that Lily would despise him. He knew that Lily would go back to hating him with all of her heart. But that was what needed to be done. James' first priority was ensuring Lily's safety. If that comprised his own need for her affection… then so be it. He wasn't that important anyway.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! A review would be lovely if you did :)**

**thanks for reading**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	7. The Nightmares of the Dead

**James**

James and Sirius sat around the breakfast table at an hour too early in the morning, James had never before seen it against the clock. He stared down at the eggs sitting upon his plate. He pushed them around with his fork, not wanting any of it. He didn't eat much anymore.

Sirius sighed heavily. "Moody contacted me."

James didn't look up, but he did nod.

"Some muggle found a body in the next town over. He thinks we should check it out… could be a Death Eater."

James lifted his head. His eyes were red from lack of sleep, and his hair wasn't its usual state. It was messy, but in a horrible way, like he just got out of a drunken bar fight. "What? And leave Lily by herself? I don't think so."

"Lily will be fine. I've already done all the charms to protect the house. No one will even know it's here… but look, Moody said this could be vital to the case against Voldemort."

"So you think we can put this guy away by locking him up in Azkaban?" James rolled his eyes, pushing his plate across the table. "You've seen what this guy can do… what he's capable of! He'd kill off every muggleborn if he had the chance. That means Lily, Sirius! Let's not forget he's already murdered Noah! He's clinically insane. No jail is going to hold him."

Sirius didn't flinch. He knew James. He knew when he was falling off his rocker. This was it. This guilt… was eating him alive. "I know, Prongs. I get that. But nonetheless, we have to check this body out. Moody's orders."

"And Moody's orders are for us to leave Lily in this house, alone… unprotected? That's bullshit, Sirius. She'd escape again."

"Oh come on, she won't do that." Sirius tried to push the topic off.

"There's nothing keeping her here." James voice come out much colder than he intended, but he didn't let his expression falter. He needed to be cruel. He needed to get used to it.

Sirius sighed and shook his head. "We both know that's not true."

James' kept his eyes stern, staring at Sirius. He didn't know what the hell was going on anymore. Everything around him seemed to be collapsing. It was a miracle he was still standing.

He looked to the stairs. Lily was only up one flight and four feet down the hall. She was fast asleep. He supposed that was why Sirius asked him to meet at such an early hour. It was still dark out. Lily wouldn't even start to stir for another four hours.

Sirius picked up James' plate and set it in the sink. "The point still stands. We have to go in the next ten minutes if we want to make it back in time."

James groaned, kicking the chair out from underneath him. It slammed against the tile floors. This time, Sirius had enough.

James didn't see Sirius throw his body over the table, and charge directly at him. By the time he lifted his head, Sirius had pinned him against the wall. He slammed James' arms against the wall. "Enough!"

For a second, he lowered his voice and looked to the stairs, making sure Lily didn't wake. He shook his head, and released James. "I know this is tough. _I know. _But stop acting like she already hates you, because she doesn't. In fact, far from it. So cut this out, Prongs, before you make things worse. Lily needs you right now, whether she knows about Noah or not. Just be there for her. Stop being a prat and get over yourself."

James nodded, pushing down his sleeves. Sirius stepped back. Maybe he was right. It was his decision to keep this from Lily anyway. But he felt empty. He felt destructive, like the next wall to give him a bad feeling was going to get a fist through it. James shook his head.

"I'm sorry, mate. It's all still sinking in."

Sirius let out half of a smile. "Don't worry about it. Now, come on. We should really get going." He turned around started for the door, hoping James would have enough sense to follow behind him.

James bit his lip, taking one last look up the stairs before he followed Sirius out the door.

* * *

They apparated to a town about five miles down the road from their cottage. It was chilly out. James shoved his hands into his coat pockets. Sirius led him down an alleyway. There, police cars line the street. Men in uniform strolled up and down, patrolling. James grabbed Sirius by the coat sleeve before he was noticed.

"Are you crazy?" James hissed.

Sirius shook him off. "Oh come off. I've got a plan."

With that, he began to strut down the pavement, confidence covering his face. James grinned for the first time all morning, and chased after him.

"Excuse me boys, I'm going to need you to evacuate the premise." The officer held a flashlight by his ear, pointing it down at the marauders.

Sirius reached in his pocket. "No need officer." He flipped the tiny book open, and inside was a small golden badge. He slammed it shut before the officer could have a second look. "My name is Special Agent Nolan. This here is my unit's doc…"

"Watson." James extended his hand. The officer only stared. Sirius gave James a look, but it only forced his grin wider.

"You look a bit young to be…"

"We don't age. Now if you'll excuse us, officer, we have a body to examine." Sirius didn't wait for an answer, and instead just walked around the young officer. James looked up at the man and smiled.

"Thank you for your cooperation." With that, he followed Sirius further into the alley and under the yellow tape.

As they approached the body, James began to understand exactly why Moody had asked them to check this out. Though he didn't recognize the face, he knew the killer. The same man who killed Miles Parkinson. Across his chest to his hip bore a deep cut, exposing his skin and flesh.

Sirius knelt down next to the man. He looked to the closest officer. "Do you have an ID yet?"

He nodded. "Alex Barton. 23 years old."

"That's it?"

"Afraid so. Our men are working on where he's from and if he has family."

"Right. Thanks." Sirius turned his attention back to the body. He stood up and made his way back to James. "You know what I'm thinking?"

"That whoever killed this guy, killed Miles too?"

"I've never seen a spell like this before. Has to be specific to a single guy. There's no chance it was a muggle weapon. Nothing is this clean." Sirius folded his arms, scratching his head. "Someone is following us."

James raised his eyebrows, his heartbeat racing. "We have to get back to Lily…"

"No no, not like that." Sirius pointed to the body. "This guy is a Death Eater… has to be a lone wolf or something. Whoever is doing this is killing the Death Eaters before they can get to us. They're doing us a favor, Prongs."

"So who is it?"

"Who cares? Has to be one of our guys…" Sirius looked off down the alleyway. The sun was rising on the other end, filling the dark and musty space between walls with a bright light.

"I don't think any of our men would do a curse like that. They're not that cruel." James said.

"We came here for the information we needed. Someone is definitely following us. We should relocate again, today." Sirius turned around and began to walk in the opposite direction with James close on his tail.

* * *

When he opened his eyes again, James stood in the living room of their cabin in front of a very stern Lily Evans. Her arms folded across her chest, her eyebrows raised and twitching in her lips.

"So you two can just leave whenever you damn well please, but when I do it, it's an international crisis?" Lily's eyes stared directly at James. He wanted to be stern. He wanted to yell, to push her away. But he couldn't. He could never do that. Instead he forced his voice to be flat.

"We didn't have much choice, Red. Moody's orders." James said, throwing himself onto the couch.

Lily's eyes became quickly confused at James' sudden change in behavior. But before she could have a chance to question it, Sirius came up behind Lily, squeezing her shoulders and forcing her to relax. "I think she was just worried about us. Lil' Red has grown to love the big bad marauders."

"Oh I wouldn't say that…" Lily grinned through her teeth, gently pulling her shoulders from Sirius. She sat down on the couch next to James. "What did you find out anyway?"

Sirius shrugged. "Nothing to worry about."

"Oh don't give me that. Tell me."

She looked to James for answers, but he turned his head away. Instead, Sirius answered her. "There was another murder a few miles from here. A Death Eater by the name of Alex Barton. The same curse that killed Miles got him too… same man. We'll be leaving in the morning, by the way. We need to be moving on anyway."

All James could hear was Lily's harsh breathing. He could sense something was wrong. He lifted his head, turning to Lily quickly. Her eyes were wide, her lips searching for words.

"What is it? Lily?" James grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly.

She closed her eyes. "Alex Barton. I know him. He worked in my father's office. Noah was good friends with him…"

James looked to Sirius. Neither of them said anything.

"… and you think he was a Death Eater?"

Sirius sighed and knelt down by Lily's side. "He didn't have the mark, but that doesn't mean he wasn't out looking for it. It's our job to assume the worst. I'm sorry, Lily, we don't have a choice."

She nodded. "I never spoke to him really. Just a smile or a wave. But… do you think he told someone where we are before that man killed him?"

"I doubt it. He looked like an amateur without any real connections. I wouldn't be worried."

"Right. Of course." Lily looked off past Sirius' shoulders and into the wall behind him. Her muscles started to relax and she seemed to ease up.

James stood up and stretched out the end of his shirt. "You should pack your things. We're going to leave by the end of the day."

Lily nodded and watched as James slowly began to walk away, distraught and disorderly.

* * *

**Lily**

James had been acting differently this past week. He seemed cautious around her, as if he was walking on eggshells. He warmed up a bit yesterday and seemed to be returning to his normal self. He was less cocky, and more sincere. It was odd, but she didn't mind much. Their bickering died down and Sirius enjoyed that a lot so she didn't question it. Everyone seemed to be benefitting from James' strange behavior… expect James.

"So what's going on with you, Potter?" Lily asked as she picked up the quaffle from the grassy field. "You've been acting funny. Something the matter?"

They relocated almost immediately after James and Sirius returned from their investigation. Sirius had brought them to an unknown village in northern Scotland. It was quite beautiful and the vacancy of the town allowed Lily to go outside during daylight hours.

James shrugged, kicking his legs against the ground and propelling in the air on his broom for the first time since Hogwarts. He slowly floated his way over to Lily. "You remember that one time you tried to interrupt my quidditch practice?"

Lily rolled her eyes, smiling. "Yes, I was quite angry with you that day. But you're avoiding the question…"

James grabbed the quaffle from Lily and tossed it around in the air. "You were furious. And don't forget you were in that prissy stage as head girl."

"I wasn't prissy!"

"You were a little bit…"

_It was near the end of his seventh year and the Quidditch final was coming up. Ravenclaw was consistent this year. They had improved since the last and they completely knocked Slytherin out of the park at the previous game. Normally Ravenclaw didn't intimidate him, but this was something else. Their seeker was Alex Smith and he was a talented kid, though James would never admit that out loud. _

_The Gryffindor team sat on their broom sticks high above the ground outside the astronomy tower. They all looked around nervously for James' first instruction. He was quite the intimidating captain and he took great pride in that. He was able to whip his team into shape before every game and they haven't lost one yet. _

"_Black! Greggor!" James shouted, throwing a quaffle their way. "Look alive!"_

_Max Greggor leaned forward onto his boom, zooming high into the air. Sirius followed not far behind. Within a few seconds, Greggor grabbed the quaffle, throwing it at Sirius. Sirius then flew at a ninety degree angle, downwards, before chucking it into the center goal with all his might. The two boys looked up, feeling quite pleased with their play._

_James shook his head. "You've got to be kidding me, guys! That was weak! Weak! I need more power! You need to be faster! Pull yourselves together!" He threw his arms in every direction. "This is pathetic. We can't let Ravenclaw win in our last year. Our _Senior _year, Padfoot!" _

_Sirius shouted angrily, "We've got this, Prongs! Stop freaking out."_

_James was about to say something else when he spotted Lily's red hair. She paced around intensely, looking at her watch every other second. Sudden she looked up. "Oi! Potter!" _

_James smiled arrogantly and shook the hair from out of his eyes. He leaned forward on his broom and flew down a few feet. But he stayed high enough so Lily had to look up at him. Her hands were placed sternly on her hips. _

"_Sorry, can I help you Evans?"_

"_Slughorn sent me. He needs to see you about Head Boy duties, now."_

"_Absolutely not."_

_Lily seemed taken back. She shook her head and her eyes grew red with fury. "Look, I'm not about to get in trouble for _you _skipping out on _your_ responsibilities. Now get down here!"_

"_No, I don't think I will."_

"_Potter!"_

"_Evans!" James mimicked the irritated tone in her voice. Lily took a deep breath when she saw Sirius laughing from the other end of the court._

"_I'm not kidding, Potter."_

"_Neither am I. I have an important game coming up and my team-"_

"_-so quidditich is more important to you than your head boy duties?"_

"_Yes, actually, it is." James didn't get angry with Lily often, but she was interrupting his Quidditch practice. If he left now, James knew the rest of the team wouldn't work as hard and they would probably lose the game on Saturday. It was his last year in Hogwarts and he was not about to leave without his 4__th__ final win. "I'm not going Evans. I have responsibilities here." James' broom lost altitude. His feet touched the ground in front of Lily and he dismounted. _

"_It's _just_ Quidditch, Potter! Now stop being a prat, and just go, will you?"_

"_No."_

"_Why not?"_

"_It's much funnier to see you angry."_

_Lily huffed. She began to play with the ends of her hair nervously. She lifted her eyes to meet James' and her stern expression collapsed. "Why do you always do this?"_

"_Me? You started it!"_

"_Did not!"_

"_Yes, you did Evans. Just run back to Slughorn now, will ya? I have practice to get back to."_

"_I hope you fall off your broom."_

"_I hope you fail your potions final."_

"_Prat"_

"_Tart"_

"_Oi!" Sirius shouted. The arguing pair looked up at him, angry faces flared. "Stop fighting. James, we need you, let's go!"_

_James nodded, mounting his broom. He bit his lip. He didn't _hate_ arguing with Lily. It was quite amusing actually. The way her eyes squinted, her nose crinkled, her ears flamed red. It was adorable, James thought. By the time he turned around to say another witty comment at the redhead, she had gone._

"You were an arse." Lily said, snatching the quaffle back. She held it close to her chest and ran a few feet in the opposite direction.

James followed her closely, a few feet in the air. "You insulted the world's greatest sport!"

Lily laughed, and threw the quaffle at James. He caught it and tossed it in the air. "Quidditch is my favorite. I was just angry with you and I know that was your hot spot."

"My hot spot?" James raised an eyebrow.

Lily's cheeks turned slightly red and she backed up a few steps. "I mean I knew it would set you off."

"That's true. It did." James said, a smile lifting his lips. Lily let herself fall into the grass. She lied back and stared up at the light blue sky. James watched as she started pointing at clouds and going off about their ridiculous shapes. His smile fell, watching how happy she was. It was heartbreaking. He needed her to be safe. She would understand that someday, maybe.

James let himself loose elevation and touched his feet against the ground. He set the broom down and sat next to Lily. She turned to him and smiled. He lied down, fidgeting until he was comfortable. Lily laughed.

"I take it you don't spend much time doing nothing?"

"You caught me." James said, using his hands as a pillow behind his head. "I'm used to running and flying and casting spells at dummies and stuff."

"Dummies?"

"Yeah, like Sirius or Peter."

Lily burst into laughter. "I hope you're kidding."

James smiled wide and didn't answer. Lily sighed after the final giggle escaped her lips and stared back up at the sky. It was much bigger than she'd seen in a while. It was clear, not a cloud in the sky and she wondered briefly if Noah had the time to do this anymore.

* * *

**James**

When they finally got back to the cabin, it was nearly pitch black. Sirius was waiting in the kitchen, a cup of coffee in hand. He eyed them suspiciously. "So, what have you two been doing?"

James laughed and shook his head, and shut the door behind them, knowing what he was implying. Lily on the other hand didn't catch it right away and kept looking from one boy to the other until one spoke.

"Fancy a shag, huh Lil?" Sirius finally clarified.

"Really, Sirius… really?" Lily said, a smile filling her face instead of the expected embarrassment. She pulled the coat off from around her shoulders and set in down on one of the kitchen chairs. "Well, I'm heading to bed. Goodnight boys."

"Goodnight." They both said in unison. James watched as she made her way up the stairs. Sirius seemed to notice the ridiculous smile on James' face.

"I take it you two are getting alone more than satisfactory?" Sirius asked, elbowing James encouragingly in the side.

James laughed. "I don't know, I guess we are."

"Prongs, I think you might be growing on her."

"Careful, don't inflate my ego too much. It might turn her off again." James said and both boys laughed quietly. He sighed and looked out the window. It was strangely warm for it to be December. It hadn't snowed in a few weeks.

"Listen mate, I'm going to bed." James said. He patted Sirius on the back and made his way towards the stairs. Every stair seemed to creek on his way up and he winced at every one. Lily always fell asleep quite quickly and James didn't want to wake her. She had been having a much harder time sleeping lately. He could hear her muttering in her sleep every night and one and a while he could hear sniffling. It killed him to think she was that upset or scared and wouldn't come to him about it.

She always hated showing her emotions to other people, even Marlene and Noah. But it was getting out of hand. James had asked her a few times to stay in his room while he slept on the floor, but she always refused.

The idea of Lily's fears made it much harder for him to sleep as well. She always had this brave face on, like nothing was wrong. She had that at Hogwarts too when it came to her mother. James saw everything in people. He was known for his ability to read people, but he could never read Lily. He didn't now about the abuse until the night at the end of summer. He hated himself for missing that for so long.

James sat down at the edge of his bed and pulled his shirt over his head. He set his glasses on the bedside table and pulled the covered to his chest. The second his head hit the pillow, he was out.

He awoke two hours later to the sound of Lily's screams. Immediately, he knew what it was. He had heard it before, late at night when everyone else was asleep. She cried. Forgetting his wand, he jumped out of his bed and ran across the hall to meet Sirius.

"Death eaters?" Sirius panted, wand in hand.

James shook his head and put a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "No, go back to bed. It's one of those nightmares again. I got this."

Sirius nodded groggily and trudged his way back to his room. Lily's random bursts of screams became mixed with sobs and it sent a pang through his chest. He pushed the door open, stepped inside, and shut the door carefully behind him.

"Lily, it's me, James. Are you awake yet?" He knew she wasn't when she continued to toss and turn, grasping onto the sheets or whatever else her hands could find.

James moved carefully around the dark room and sat on the opposite side of Lily's bed. He threw down the covers and pulled his legs up. After sliding down a bit, he scooted himself over. Warily, he slid one arm underneath Lily's back and wrapped the other around her body. He pulled her close to his bare chest and rocked her slightly.

"Come on, Lil, wake up. Wake up." James whispered. "Please wake up."

He knew you weren't supposed to wake someone in a violent nightmare like this, but it was killing him. Suddenly her screaming stopped and her head popped up out of James' arms. She took a sharp intake of breath when she saw James lying in the bed next to her.

"Wh-what are you d-doing?" She asked, panting. The tears still rolled down her face and she didn't bother wiping them away.

James kept calm and lifted a hand to wipe a single tear from the side of her cheek. "I heard you screaming and I wanted to… I don't know… I can leave if you want?"

Lily stared at him, softness in her eyes. But she remained silent. James nodded taking that as a signal to leave. He lifted the covers off his body and started to swing his legs over the edge of the bed when Lily spoke up. "Please… stay."

James turned back around.

Lily sniffled, and cleaned her face of tears. "I keep having these horrible nightmares. People keep dying, every night when I close my eyes."

James remained silent and pulled his legs back onto the bed. He swung the covers back over and wrapped an arm around Lily's shoulders.

"I'm scared to fall asleep… I don't want to see it anymore. I don't want to see anyone else I care about die. My dad, Sirius, Noah, Marlene, Remus, Peter, Petunia… you…" Lily shook her head and brought her hands to her eyes. That was when James knew the tears started again.

He leaned back, and set his head against the pillow, gently pulling Lily with him. She curled up against his chest and rested her head against his shoulder. James played softly with her hair, pulling it out of her eyes.

She took a deep breath. "I don't want to watch again…"

"I know. I'm right here, okay? Every time you wake up, I'll be right here and I'll reassure you that everything is alright. Everyone is alive and well and it's all in your head. I won't leave you, I promise." James pulled Lily closer to his side and held her tightly in his arms. He could feel her heartbeat slowing as she nodded into his chest. She set her arm across his abdomen and hugged him gently.

Lily was asleep within the minute.

It hadn't got much better after that. James started to sleep in her room at the end of every day and she was able to sleep through most nights. A couple times she only woke once, and even then she was able to fall back asleep within minutes. James' presence seemed to comfort her. Though she wouldn't admit it, it helped her greatly knowing he was there. After every horrible nightmare, she would wake wrapped in his strong arms as he rocked her until she slept again. This was killing him. Not only from the pain that Lily was experiencing, but because he was allowing himself to be there for her like this. He could see it in her eye, how she was looking at him now. The guilt was growing, but he pushed it aside, not wanting to deal with it yet.

But four nights since the first was the most painful. James was having trouble falling asleep that night. He lied awake, staring around the room aimlessly. He sighed lightly as he played tediously with Lily's hair. Her head was lying against his chest. It lifted slightly with each breath of James'. He gently wrapped his arms around Lily as he noticed her start to twitch. It was starting again.

* * *

**Lily **

_It was dark; much darker than she'd ever seen. She struggled to keep her eyes open in this unfamiliar room. It was bare. No furniture, no carpet or wallpaper. No welcoming smiles of friends back home or fragrance of homemade pie; just the light that shined in from the window. A floor length mirror stood against the wall in front of her. She stared at her reflection wondering what had become of the pretty little girl she had seen so long ago. _

_She was gone now, Lily supposed. Her old life had been stolen and replaced with one filled with darkness and despair. Suddenly, she heard a low groan from behind her. She spun around quickly to see James lying on the floor. He was covered in blood, clutching his stomach. _

_Without a second blink, Lily was by his side. She fell to her knees and grasped onto him in anyway she could, lifting his upper body into her lap. She pushed his dark, messy hair away from his eyes. His once handsome face was covered in bruises and scars that left dried blood behind. Dark circles surrounded his eyes, and dirt covered his entire body. It was like it had been there for weeks. _

"_Shhhh, you're okay. You're alright." Lily tried to comfort him, but he shook his head lightly. He reached up and gently placed his hand against her cheek. _

"_It's not your fault…" His words were so extremely quiet that Lily had to strain her ears to hear him. His voice quivered when he spoke and it sent a shiver down Lily's spine._

_Lily shook her head, feeling his muscles becoming weaker. "Please, just, just, hold it together, Sirius… Sirius will come for us." _

_James smiled faintly, knowing something she didn't. "You… you should… go." He was fading. Fast. _

_Lily tightened her grip on James, bringing his face closer to hers. "I'm not leaving you. You are _not _dying, Potter. I… I never told you…"_

_James lifted his hand to her lips, pressing his thumb against her mouth lightly. He shook his head gently. "It's ok, Red. I know."_

_With that, tears began to pour from Lily's eyes; cascading without any effort to stop it. After all these years, she managed to fall in love with James Potter in the exact moment he was about to die._

"_It's not fair…"Lily whispered against his chest. She lifted her head slowly to see James' eyes start to gloss. "James…"_

_He forced out one last smile and used his last bit of energy to kiss Lily's palm that rested against his cheek. He let out a long held breath and closed his eyes. Lily's heart skipped a beat as she watched the rest of his body fall limp and his hand collapse against the concrete floor. _

"_No." Lily whispered. She tugged James' body close to hers and held him tight. His body was unresponsive. "No, no, no, no, NO! James! Please, please don't do this to me. Please don't leave me. Please…"_

_Lily lifted his head warmly, praying that his eyes would open and he would give her that arrogant smile again. But he didn't. He was gone. He was dead. _

"_James!" She began to sob. "James! Wake up! Please, James!"_

"James! James!" Lily's screams jetting her awake. James' arms were wrapped tightly around her. She jumped from them and spun around quickly to see his eyes wide open, his breath slightly heavy. It was a dream. It was a dream. She closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief as she collapsed back into his chest.

"I take it it was me this time?" James asked, letting his chin rest against the crown of Lily's head. She nodded weakly against his chest and pulled her body closer. "You okay?"

"No." Lily said simply. She felt like she was going to breakdown. But she was wrapped in his embrace and it didn't feel foreign or strange. It felt natural, in the most comforting way possible, like she was meant to be there. He had spent the last four nights sleeping on the opposite end of her bed. Not once did he take advantage or gloat. Instead, all he was… was there. He was there for her. She needed his presence because for whatever reason he calmed her. He made her whole. He made her safe.

James sighed and tightened his grip. Her body was shaking. "I'm right here. None of that was real. It won't ever happen. I promise."

She let out a shaky laugh, mixed with her harsh breathing. It was menacing. "You can't guarantee something like that."

* * *

**James**

He woke up the next morning to an empty bed. Lily had gone downstairs much earlier he supposed. Stretching and yawning, he made his was to his feet and eventually to the stairs. By the time he reached the bottom, Lily had already poured him a cup of coffee.

"Good Morning." She nodded towards the steaming cup shyly. It was clear she remembered what happened the night before. She doesn't always. Just the worst ones she keeps hold of in her mind.

James smiled softly. He sat down next to her at the table and brought the cup to his mouth and took a sip. "You don't have to feel that way, you know."

"What?"

"All nervous or something." James said simply.

Lily sighed and set her mug against the countertop. She tried to avoid his eyes without much success. "I don't feel nervous. I just feel… embarrassed."

"Why? Because your brain forces you to watch people you love die every night in these vibrant and disgusting nightmares? You don't have to apologize. Not to me."

Lily looked up, somewhat startled by his response. "You don't mind?"

James set down his mug and spun to face Lily. "If I was the kind of guy that was turned off by stuff like that, I wouldn't even be on this case at all. I care about you Lily. You know that."

"Right." She nodded nervously and returned to her coffee.

James watched as she played anxiously with the ends of her hair. She needed to get out of this house. She needed to be reassured that everything was ok. Those nightmares tear at her happiness, at her soul, and she needed an escape. A smile lifted the right side of his lips as he thought of the perfect place to do just that.

"Look, I've been thinking, Sirius is out in town on errands and we should do something."

Lily eyed him. "Like what?"

"I have an idea, follow me."

Lily stood up and shook her head. "I'm not even wearing proper clothes. I'm in pajamas…"

"Oh who cares?" James grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the door. Immediately she began to laugh and chased after him without a second thought.

* * *

**Lily **

It was easy being with him; much easier than she wanted herself to believe. Just a few months ago she could hardly consider the idea of holding his hand. But now, everything was different. She found herself wanting to kiss him, to feel his lips against hers. It was a strange feeling after spending so many years forcing those ideas out of her mind, she was finally embracing them.

With her hand in his, she trailed behind James as they ran off into the town gardens. His hair was wiping in every direction as he turned his head back for a moment to check if Lily was still there; like is wasn't enough to feel her hand, he needed to see her face too. He smiled incredibly wide and spun back around and continued running.

It was horrifying to admit, but maybe, Lily could be falling for him. But it wasn't just the small kind of love where you really only like a guy because he's attractive or he's good with the ladies and he finally picked you. It wasn't because they were constantly in a life threatening situation and they could die any day. It was 'I'll hold you when you're scared' kind of love, 'I'd lay down my life for you' kind of love. It was real and it was scary. But Lily didn't seem to mind as she followed James to what seemed to be an abandoned gazebo.

"What are we doing here?" Lily shouted from behind. James didn't answer as he dropped her hand and stepped inside. He spun around and smiled lightly mostly through the left side of his face. It made Lily's stomach turn.

"We're going to dance." James said proudly. "I'm collecting on that promise."

"There's no music…" Lily stepped inside laughing, and looked around at the sea of flowers around them. Waves of red, blue, yellow, and orange filled the ground and swarmed through the entire field.

James pulled out his wand. "Oh I think I can make it work." He muttered a spell Lily didn't seem to know and suddenly the soft tone of violins and dozens of orchestral instruments filled the air. A smile spread across Lily's lips as she looked up at James.

"It's beautiful." She said as she placed her hand in James'. With one quick movement he spun her around and brought her to his chest. One hand against the small of her back, and the other twisted in her hand.

Lily sighed lightly as they began to sway. She could feel her heart pacing incredibly fast and wondered of he could feel it. She felt like she was going mad, but in a good way if that could possibly make any sense. As she felt his body against her, she felt safer than she had ever before. He was comforting in ways that she didn't know he was even capable of back at school.

He was every bit just as arrogant and confident as he always had been. But Lily stopped noticing that so much. She saw the moments he was kind, compassionate, loyal… human. James Potter was human.

"What are you thinking about?" James asked softly.

"How annoying you used to be at Hogwarts." Lily said truthfully. She smiled teasingly as James shook his head.

"I've matured a great deal, Evans."

"Oh have you?"

"Yes, and you know it. I've been remarkable."

"There goes arrogant James again."

"You missed arrogant James, remember?"

"Not enough to want him back."

"So you want current me?"

"James."

"Lily."

"Stop that." Her tone was playful as she hit him on the chest. James grinned wide enough to see almost all of his teeth. He adjusted his glasses.

"You're totally in love with me." James said, not really knowing what he was saying.

"Very funny." Lily said quickly. James twirled her around before pulling her back into his chest. "You know, if Noah walked in on this, he would kill you."

James seemed suddenly nervous and his smile faded almost in an instant. "Noah always liked me. Nice try."

Lily smiled lightly, thinking of her best friend and how he would react to her confessing that she was in love with James Potter. He would laugh probably, after all those times she turned James down at school. Noah always like the idea of her and James. He liked James a great deal, always that him and his 'band of troublemakers' were entertaining. For some reason Noah pushed Lily towards him, like he knew something she didn't. He was funny like that.

"I think he would approve." Lily said.

"Sorry… what?" James didn't seem to be listening but instead focused somewhere else.

"Oh, nothing." She said, watching as James' facial expression remained tight and distraught. "Are you alright?"

He sighed lightly and looked out into the mess of flowers. It was evident that he wasn't going to respond. Something was wrong but Lily knew better than to press it. He began to feel tense. Lily removed her hand from his and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stifled for a moment as she buried her face in his neck. James seemed to come back and enfolded his arms around her back, holding her like a long and drawn out hug.

Lily played with the tips of the hairs against James' neck. "Whatever it is, it's going to be ok. I promise."

He sighed lightly and bit his lip. She could feel his upper body start to shake. He started taking deep breaths and held onto Lily tighter.

"James?" Lily pulled back slightly to face him. His eyes were slightly red and his lower lip was quivering. She had never seen him this way. He was vulnerable and it seemed to come out of nowhere. "James, please, what's going on?"

He shook his head, lifting an arm to wipe a stray tear that managed to escape from his right eye. "Nothing. It's fine."

"It's _not _fine." Lily rested a hand against his neck and the other on his cheek, catching tiny drops of water against his skin. He stared longingly at her, breathing quietly and painfully. She hated seeing him this way. A pit formed in her stomach.

Lily traced her thumb against his cheek bone and he sighed evenly. Almost as if in slow motion her lips were moving closer to his; waiting any second to crash against his.

Without notice, James pushed his mouth forward and collided it gently with Lily's, almost as if he didn't do it in that instant he wasn't sure if he ever would. She gripped the side of his face as their lips enfolded and tangled. James' hands searched to bring her closer, but couldn't seem to anymore than she already was.

Lily's right hand ran up and through James' hair as the other clutched onto his shoulder. She didn't feel the need to come up for air, and didn't much want to. She could feel James' heart beat quicken and the music around them stop as he lost focus on anything other than her.

* * *

**James**

Suddenly James pulled out, breathing somewhat heavy. He stared contemplatively into Lily's vibrant emerald eyes, wanting nothing more than to kiss her again, and again. But the guilt… the pangs in his chest, in his stomach, were so strong he could feel it burning throughout his body. He could feel it down to his core and he knew Lily could sense it. How could he allow himself to do this to her? Things were fine the way they were. But James was selfish, and he was cruel. He hadn't even considered what the consequences would be when she found out the truth… especially after this.

He kissed her forehead carelessly and pulled her against his chest. He rested his chin against the crown of her head and gently stroked her hair. Lily didn't seem to question him and rested against his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

He had to say something. He couldn't just leave her hanging like that. Make it witty. Say something stupid enough that she'll forget something's wrong.

"There is no way in hell you can deny your feelings for me now, Red."

Lily lifted her head, staring at James for only a moment before she set it back against his chest. She breathed lightly and tightened her grip around his waist. "Guess you finally caught me."

* * *

"I kissed Lily." James finally told Sirius at midnight after Lily had fallen asleep peacefully. His tone was low and evidently full of guilt.

"Gee mate; don't look so happy about it." Sirius said playfully. He looked up, realizing how somber James was and immediately changed the tone in his voice. "I'm confused. You've been chasing after this girl for seven years, you kiss her and you're not pleased about it?"

"I can't do this to her." James ran a hand through his hair, doing nothing to calm it down. "What is she going to think when she finds out about Noah… and that I knew?"

"This is why I said to tell her in the first place."

"You don't get it, Padfoot. You're not in love with her. I can't hurt her like that."

Sirius seemed taken back. "Oh so you're in love with her now?"

James rolled his eyes and ran his tongue over his top lip. "Don't give me that look. I've told you a million times that I am."

"Yeah but not this seriously…"

"Well I am now." James groaned and rested his head against the table. "I can't allow her to get into a whole relationship with me only to discover that I knew Noah was murdered for months and didn't tell her. She'd… I can't even think about it…"

"She's not going to take it very well either way, James. Her best friend was murdered and probably horrifically tortured by a madman. That's hard enough as it is."

He nodded. "I can't believe I was so selfish..."

"Oh come on, it's not your fault."

"But it is." James sighed, chocking back the lump in his chest. "I chose to drop my guard. I chose to warm up to her again. I chose to let her back in."

"If you didn't, that poor girl would think she did something wrong. She'd blame herself and she'd loose someone she cares much too early. You were right not to do that to her."

James felt sick, like his stomach was betraying him. But it was empty. Everything was empty. He should be happy. He should be happier than he's ever been. But instead, he wanted to run far away from the one girl he'd ever love.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, mate. It'll all work out." Sirius stepped forward and hit James' lightly on the shoulder.

James looked up, but the look upon Sirius' face didn't seem all that reassuring. But he knew that. He knew that from the start. This was never going to end well. Not for him, and certainly not for Lily.

* * *

**So this changed pov a lot more than I realized and a lot of diverse stuff seemed to go on, hope that wasn't confusing at all.**

**buutt, I hope yall liked it, please leave a review if you like :)**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	8. The Loss of A Decent Man

**Lily**

It had been a few days since the kiss and she still couldn't seem to get the feeling out of her mind. Though James was acting distant, he tried his best to cover it up. The way his eyes avoided hers, his lower lips twitching in shame when she was near... it was all so unlike him. He must be dealing with something extremely painful for him to be acting this way. Lily knew better than to press on. Forcing James to open up always ended in catastrophe. So, she let it go. For now.

He sat next to her on the couch when he could, allowing her to rest her head against his shoulder. She would play diligently with the tips of his hair and it would send shivers down his spine. It was odd. He seemed happy, like this was what he wanted, but also incredibly conflicted. He still made his witty comments and joked with Sirius, but his smiles were forced.

Lily supposed that James knew she would catch on eventually. He kept his distance since their kiss for a reason. She had to know. Was it her? Had she done something wrong? But no, she couldn't have. She had no choice anymore. There was no ignoring this any longer.

"Hey James?"

It was nearly midnight. Lily stared up at the ceiling, waiting to see if he was still awake or not. He lay only a few inches from her, but it didn't seem close enough anymore. She turned on her side, facing him.

He rubbed his eyes and yawned quietly before answering. "Hey Lil"

Lily sighed, not sure how to begin. Instead she just blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Why are you acting like this?"

"Like… what?"

Though he couldn't see, Lily rolled her eyes. Now he was just playing dumb. It was insulting. "You've been detached lately and every time you look at me since we kissed it's like you can't stand the sight of me. There is this constant look on your face like you're ashamed and I… I just don't understand. I'm trying to, but you're making it incredibly difficult. You just sit there and act like everything's ok, but it's not."

James was silent. He was unresponsive as usual. He dropped her gaze rather quickly and stared back up at the ceiling. He took a deep breath, as if to answer her but help it in instead.

In that moment, Lily exploded. "Look! You can't just chase after me for seven years and then get me to fall in love with you and then just stop! This isn't a game, James! This… this is my heart. I don't just give it away when I feel like it. So if you're done, if this is just too boring for you then tell me now because I'm not going to sit here and take it."

His eyes blinked for the first time in a while. He turned his head. James pushed the hair from his eyes, staring deeply at Lily. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed, allowing himself to sit up a bit. His eyes were burdened, but with what Lily wasn't sure. They seemed to scream of a self-loathing that sent a pain down her spine. This wasn't James. It was frightening.

James sat up fully and looked to Lily, a serious expression covering his face. It dropped moments later when a smile lifted his cheeks.

"What?" Lily questioned.

"You said you're in love with me."

Lily sighed, not fully realizing she had. She closed her eyes, hoping he wouldn't say anything. A hand pressed against her forearm. She looked up to see James grinning from ear to ear. He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"Lily, I'm sorry I've been acting like an ass lately. I've got some… personal stuff I have to take care of. It's inexcusable and I should be a better man than to make you feel like I stopped caring. You can trust me on this, no matter what happens I will _always _love you." He chuckled a bit, shaking his head. "It's funny. I never thought you would take me seriously when I said that. I've felt that way for a long time now, but I'm sure you knew that already."

Lily looked down at the sheets, trying to hide her ridiculous grin. She could feel the pain in James' voice though he tried quite hard to hide it. His voice cracked when he spoke, as if he was barely able to push out each word. The thought of that immediately pushed away the smile from her lips.

He sighed as his smile slowly fell from his face. He allowed his upper body to collapse against the pillows and relax. He stared up at the ceiling thoughtfully. "This stuff that I have to deal with is on me, and I'm trying to manage the best I can. It's not something you should have to burden as well."

Lily nodded, wanting nothing more than to know exactly what he was dealing with. But she knew that was as far as he was taking it. James didn't change his mind. As he leaned back into the pillow, Lily scooted closer. She propped herself up a bit, and tucked her hair behind her ears. James looked up at her, a soft yet heartbreaking smile across his face.

Lily leaned down and pressed her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. She smiled into his mouth as their lips twisted and turned. After what seemed like forever, Lily pulled out. She smiled, hoping James' unidentified emotions had been erased. He forced out half a grin and Lily knew they hadn't. But still, she lied back down, resting against James' shoulder, trying to savor the taste of his lips.

* * *

**James**

He felt like he was being eaten alive. Never did he imagine how bad it was going to get; the guilt. Lily smiled gently before taking a sip of coffee. The three of them sat around the kitchen table silently, each taking occasional swigs of the steamy drink. James had a hard time looking at Lily, so he kept his focus on the table. Sirius eyed his friend, shaking his head before sipping from his mug.

Sirius told him from day one, and James knew that. He knew it was a horrible decision to not tell Lily about Noah. She would despise him. But James honestly believed that was what needed to be done. But now… now there didn't really seem like an excuse for his actions.

Lily was vulnerable, and maybe what she said was true, but she isn't in her right mind. How could she possibly know she would feel the same way after Voldemort was captured, and she was able to return home? She couldn't. The only way James could make it through the day was to convince himself that her confession of love wasn't real at all; that she didn't know what she was talking about. Because when the day came and she found out about Noah, about his lies, it would hurt far less believing that she never truly loved him at all; that he didn't lose the love of his life; that he never really had her to begin with.

"Hey Prongs, can I talk to you outside for a second?" Sirius finally spoke after internally debated whether he should or not. James nodded and placed his mug on the counter. He looked over to Lily. Her hair was in a messy bun atop of her head. She gave him a delicate smile before he turned his head and followed Sirius out to the front porch.

Once they were out of earshot, Sirius sighed heavily. "You can't keep doing this, man."

James knew it was coming. He had to stop this. "I know."

"Do you?" Sirius' voice was stern. He clasped his hands behind his head and paced around the porch anxiously. "I see the way Lily is looking at you now. I don't know what the hell happened or what changed that girl's mind, but she is gone… like she's really fallen for you, mate. In any other situation, I would have thrown you a party, but this is serious. You can't keep something this big from her anymore, especially now. She has to know."

James nodded. Sirius was right, though he didn't want to admit it. He remained silent, not really wanting to contemplate Lily's possible reactions.

Sirius stepped forward and put a hand on James' shoulder. "This is killing you. I know all you want is to be happy because the girl you were chasing after for seven years is finally chasing you, but you are so stricken with guilt you can hardly stand. You can't keep doing this to yourself. I won't let you."

"Just one more day… and I'll tell her. I'll tell her tomorrow." James said quietly. He leaned his back against the front door and rubbed his eyes. "I just need a little more time with her."

Sirius nodded and leaned against the frame next to him. "You're a good man James. Don't forget that, ok?"

James forced out a smile, though on the inside, he felt like he was about to be sick.

* * *

The following morning James, Lily and Sirius had made their way to a market in the center of the village. It was a quaint town where nothing ever happened so the boys weren't too worried about letting Lily out. She was giddy with excitement to be able to interact with other people.

"Can I pick where we go next?" She turned to Sirius, holding up some kind of vegetable.

Sirius shook his head. "Any place you're familiar with the death eaters will have people stationed at. You know that."

"Yeah… but, it's a place my father always bragged about going to when he was a boy." Lily said, handing the vender some muggle money. She smiled politely and made her way back to Sirius. "They wouldn't even know about the place. It's a cabin right on the beach and you and James can go water boarding or whatever and I can tan. It will be great!"

James stepped forward, laughing under his breath. "That sounds great and all, but I'm pretty sure tanning could only end in disaster for you."

"I don't burn that bad!" Lily said defensively. James' eyes narrowed on hers, and her expression faltered. "Ok, so I'll sit under some shady tree or whatever. It will still be wonderful!"

James smiled softly, watching as Lily looked anxiously from one boy to the other waiting for approval. "Ok, ok, fine Evans. You win."

Lily jumped up, clapping and grinning ear to ear. She leapt forward and pressed her lips against the right corner of James' mouth. She pulled back after a moment and began jumping again. Thought Lily didn't see, James stared off behind her, a horrid pang of regret and loss ran through him, knowing that might have been the last time she would kiss him.

Sirius put a hand on Lily's shoulder and squeezed lightly. "Calm down kiddo." He turned to James, nodding encouragingly. "I'm going to head over to the cabin and start getting out stuff together. We can leave in the morning."

With Lily still smiling, she and James continued through the market place. He reached out for her hand and she took it graciously. Once she interlaced her fingers in his, she leaned her head against his shoulder as they walked. James smiled unconsciously, feeling Lily so close to him. It felt right for a brief moment before he remembered what he was about to do. He braced himself, and steadied on his breathing. This wasn't going to be easy, for either of them.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, they found the end of the pathway. It was an empty field; much like the one they played quidditch in last week. The people seemed to have disappeared and it was quiet. Lily jumped in front of James and spun around, releasing his hand and throwing them on her hips. The smiled still strong against her cheeks. James forced a grin.

But something was wrong. Her face fell, and a wave of fear replaced it. She was staring at something behind him. He followed her eyes and turned around to see Severus Snape standing in front of him, wand drawn. Immediately, James pulled his wand out of his back pocket and stepped in front of Lily. He felt her hand grasp his left and he squeezed it lightly.

Snape laughed. "Well this isn't surprising at all, is it?" He stared fiercely to James' and Lily's interlocked hands. A wave of overwhelming disappointment flooded his eyes. "I thought you were better than that, Lily."

"Leave her alone, Snape." James spat. He raised his wand higher.

"It's a miracle that she's even talking to you, really. Especially after everything you've done; the lies, the deceit, the betrayal." A devilish grin covered Snape's face when James realized exactly where he was going. James' heartbeat began to race.

"Don't do this, Snape. You sure as hell know my reasons and if you care about her like you say you do, you'll shut up." James couldn't understand how Snape had found out about Noah's murder. He knew Moody was keeping their cases off the media.

"That's exactly why I must tell her." Snape spat. "You're selfish, Potter. The only reason she doesn't know is so you could ensure she still cared for you. Isn't that right?"

"We both know that's not true."

Snape smiled, shaking his head James could feel Lily's hand squeeze his, trying to get his attention. James didn't face her. He couldn't.

James sighed. "Think about this. Do you want to destroy her? You know why we're out here… that information will throw her over the edge."

James could faintly hear Lily's voice behind him, pleading for answers. He ignored her, and kept his attention on Snape.

"Funny." Snape began to pace. "You didn't seem so caring when you ruining my friendship with Lily…"

"You did that all on your own, Snape. I believe it was you who called her a _you-know-what_, not me."

"You provoked it!" Snape shouted, starting to loose control. But he took a moment and calmed down. His face became stern again and his raised his wand. "It's not fair. You destroyed my friendship with Lily and now I'm going to do the same to you."

It was coming. There was no stopping him and James knew it. His eyes grew wide and he spun around to face Lily. He needed to tell her now, before Snape had the chance. He grabbed onto her shoulders and forced her to look him in the eye. He did his best to put on a strong face but he could feel it faltering. Lily didn't seem to comprehend what was happening.

"Listen to me. I did what I had to do to protect you. I was going to tell you when I knew you were safe. I was. But then we happened and you were happy and cheerful for the first in a while and you needed that. I was incredibly selfish, I see that, and I am so sorry Lily. But it was too much for you to deal with and I couldn't let you be in more pain than you already were…"

Lily reached up and removed his hands from her shoulders a bit angrily. "_What the hell are you talking about?_"

James let out a deep breath. He had to be the one to tell her, not Snape. He opened his mouth as if to say the words, but nothing came out. He was silent. Lily looked at him curiously. When James still didn't respond, she turned to Snape, pushing James forcefully away.

"Sev," Lily began, forcing out the old nickname she had for him. James flinched as a devious grin covered Snape's face. "What's going on?"

Snape smiled as he eyed James struggling to keep his cool. He turned to Lily. James braced himself, knowing how badly this was going to end. The empty space between voices was unbearable. James could feel the anxiousness beating out of Lily's chest.

"Noah is dead." Snape paused, waiting for a reaction but there wasn't one. "You had to know, Lily, and it seems _Potter _here wasn't going to say anything."

Lily was in front of James so he couldn't see any kind of expression on her face. But he could see her arms quivering. They curved into fists. Her fingers turned white as she dug her nails into her palms. She shook her head violently. "You're lying."

Snape's grin widened. He knew he won. He finally defeated the great James Potter, destroying Lily in the process. "You know, it's quite interesting… your precious Potter knew for months. He's been keeping it from you for his own selfish reasons. Doesn't seem like such a great guy now, does he Lily?"

Lily shook her head and ran forward at Snape. His eyes grew wide, not expecting it and took a few steps back. Lily ran her fist against his jaw with more force than James had ever seen from her. "You lying bastard!"

Snape staggered a bit before clutching his jaw. Even despite the obvious pain and blood on his lips, he still smiled. It was disgusting.

Lily immediately turned around to James, who lowered his head defensively. Lily grabbed onto his forearm. Her grip was much stronger than he anticipated. He kept his glance on the dirt road.

"Tell me he's lying." Her words became weak when she saw the enormous pang on guilt across James' face. She was begging. Her hands reached for his face. James pulled away.

"James… please… say _something_."

He could hear Snape laughing, but he could hardly make the effort to lift his head and face Lily. When he finally did, the look upon her face was much worse than he could have imagined. Her eyes seemed to scream of disbelief as she searched James' face for any sign that Snape could be wrong. But of course, there was none. As his lower lip began to quiver, he managed to force out a few words. "I am _so_ sorry, Lily."

She took a step back and instantly dropped her hand. Her eyes jetting to the ground and she played nervously with her fingertips. "No. No, you wouldn't."

James tried to move closer to her, but she stepped back again. She shook her head repeatedly as her hands rubbed together. She was trying to erase the feel of his skin from hers. James cringed.

He tried again, stepping forward only for her to move further away. "I wanted to tell you. I just couldn't when-"

"So he's dead?" Lily's eyes rapidly filled with tears. James didn't respond. Even Snape was curiously quiet. "IS HE DEAD?" Her voice escalated suddenly as she stared longingly at James, waiting. The painful look in her eyes was replaced with a furious rage. Her features seemed to twitch with fury.

He took a deep breath. "Yes, he's dead."

"…and you knew." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes."

"How long?"

"Since Remus and Peter visited. Remus told me that day. Moody sent him with the news."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You weren't strong enough to-"

"BULLSHIT POTTER!" Lily screamed. James cowered in his stance, never before feeling as weak as his did in that moment. "Don't give me that crap."

He didn't know what to say. Any face of affection he had seen from Lily from the past few weeks was erased. She was gone. Even the mixed hints of amusement and annoyance from Hogwarts had disappeared. Every fiber was replaced with a spiraling hatred.

"Noah would've wanted you to be safe…"

"Don't you _dare_ say his name to me!" Lily screamed forcefully. James stood completely defenseless with nothing left to say. Lily's red hair swung around her as bursts of wind ripped through the field. Her eyes were a bright shade of red, her cheeks paling by the minute.

James reached forward. "Lily…"

But suddenly Lily's strong expression collapsed and was quickly replaced with complete despair. Her breathing became labored. She fell to the ground. James ran forward to help her up but she shot a devilish glare at him. "No!" She swatted his arms away, compelling the anger to return to her face.

"Don't touch me. Don't talk to me. Don't anything!" She struggled to get to her feet and wiped the dirt from her pants. She turned back to Snape as if to yell something at him as well. But he cut her off.

"It's for your own good." With that, he smiled quickly, raised a hand and snapped his fingers. Snape was gone.

Lily turned back and looked at James who stood there, completely unarmed. She stared at him for a moment, as if contemplating her next blow. The eyes that had once rang with a kindred spirit had shrunken and been replaced with disgust and revulsion. Without warning, Lily turned on her heels and began to sprint back to the cabin. James ran to catch up with her.

"Lily, wait!" He put a hand on her elbow, pulling her to a stop. His grasp of her arm was incredibly strong. Lily tried her best to lift his fingers and remove his hand, but came up useless.

"Get off!"

James released her immediately, sensing her fear. Lily's eyes were filled with so many emotions he couldn't count. She was devastated, furious, betrayed, depressed, relieved that she didn't have to worry about Noah and guilty she even thought that.

Lily pointed a finger at James chest. "I'm not kidding, Potter. Leave me alone."

As Lily began to storm away, James ran up ahead and stopped just in front of her, forcing her to a stop. He held his arms up defensively. "Lily, please, just listen to me…"

"You're pathetic." Lily spat. James' heart skipped a beat. "You're selfish and conceited and cruel."

James stayed silent. He could feel a horrid lump in the back of his throat and the water against the back of his eyes that threaten to escape. He choked it all back.

Lily sighed and threw her arms in the air. She looked around as if to focus on anything but the broken boy in front of her. She looked off into the distance to his right. She couldn't even look at him directly anymore. Her voice became dark and cold.

"As of today, everything that ever happened between us is done. It never happened and it _never _will again. You are a _horrible _excuse for a man. I can't believe I fell for it; that you actually changed. How did I not find it odd that you suddenly seemed to be this wonderful, selfless guy? But it was all just a scheme, wasn't it? Just another one of your pathetic attempts to finally catch Lily Evans. Well excellent job, Potter! You did it. I hope you are fuckin' pleased with yourself."

"Lily! Noah's death has nothing to do with how I feel about you!"

"Oh really?" Lily folded her arms, a shivering laugh escaping her lips. "So you mean to tell me that all those times we were together and I asked you if everything was alright and you said yes, that you _weren't _lying?"

"Lily…"

"That when you kissed me you _didn't _know that my best friend was brutally murdered?"

"I…"

"That was months ago, James… _months_. You can't claim to be in love with someone and then keep something like this to yourself. You just don't!" Lily's breating was labored again. Her eyes lost their fury, and her strong expression collapsed. "Sev was right about you."

"That's not true, Lily. You know I love-"

"Stop. Don't say it." Lily stepped forward. She lifted her head, and looked James square in the eyes. "Don't you say that to me. The only person who was ever there for me is dead. He was there after Snape called me a mudblood. He was there when you were horrible and rude to me. He was there when Petunia destroyed me on a regular basis. He was there. He loved me. You don't get to say it. You don't love me. You don't lie to the people you love."

James didn't know how to respond. He tried to gather words inside his head but nothing seemed to make sense. Lily just stood there, hands upon her hips with a look so crushing even James couldn't face her. He had truly lost her and it was killing him. He couldn't breathe.

Without another look, Lily ran the rest of the way back to the cabin, leaving James behind.

* * *

**Sirius**

It had been awhile since he'd left James and Lily. Almost too long. He knew today was going to be the day James told her the truth about Noah. It wasn't going to be easy. Without a doubt Lily would be furious, for how long he wasn't sure. A part of him thought maybe James would have a tougher time with it. Lily would isolate him.

As he gently placed the last mug into the small cardboard box, the front door swung open and slammed against the wall. Lily stormed in with a look upon her face that was much worse than Sirius imagined. Tears drained down the sides of her cheeks and her eyes bore a redness that seemed to be deeper than her hair.

She spotted Sirius and bounded in his direction. Just as her hands grasped onto his shirt, yanking him forward, James ran through the door.

"Lily hold on!"

"Did you know?!" Lily screeched. She slammed Sirius against the refrigerator. He didn't attempt to stop her. But he remained quiet when he saw James shaking his head 'no' violently. Sirius gave him a confused look, but played along.

"Know what?" Sirius asked, as Lily pushed him again.

"That Noah is dead!" Her voice cracked, though the anger and crazy in her eyes never faltered. When he didn't respond, Lily's eyes grew more furious. Her fist swung forward and collided against Sirius' jaw.

As Sirius' hand clutched the side of his face, James ran up behind Lily and yanked her aside. He grasped her with both arms and dragged her away. She was kicking and screaming. Her heel slammed against James' calf and he released her, curling over.

She lunged forward at Sirius. "Tell me!"

Without a second thought, James ran up and pulled Lily backwards with all his strength. Her hair whipped up and over her head, and James lifted her into the air. He carried her across the room as she screamed, elbowing him in his sides.

James threw Lily onto the couch and kept her restrained. "Sirius didn't know! I didn't tell anyone. He has no idea, okay?" His voice came out much more forcefully than he wanted it too.

Sirius walked over, only to see Lily's expression change from a fierce hatred to calm. She looked at him sadly and seemed to relax her body. James stood up.

"Look, I know what I did was inexcusable to you but I stand by it. You can hate me all you want, but Sirius isn't the enemy here." James said, looking to his best friend. He had the most vulnerable and dejected expression that chilled Sirius to the core. James wasn't like this. He had never seen him this low. He supposed Lily really did mean much more to him than he initially led on.

Lily nodded and stood up. She walked over to Sirius quite calmly and grabbed his hand. "I'm sorry. I just… it's all too…"

Sirius squeezed her hand. "Hey, don't worry about it. We'll figure it out."

Sucking in one last breath, Lily made her way up the stairs presumably to her room. Once he heard her door close, he turned to James.

James sat down on the couch and rested his head against his hands. He cupped his face, trying not to shake his body. Once Sirius heard his sharp intake of breath, he sat down next to him. He placed a hand on James' back and patted.

"Come on man, be strong."

James removed his hands and looked to Sirius. His eyes were bloodshot and carried a dark ghost behind them. He seemed lifeless.

"Why did you tell her I didn't know?" Sirius sighed. "You shouldn't go through this alone. You made yourself the enemy."

James nodded, pulling in as much air as he could. "She needs someone on her side."

"But what about you, Prongs?"

James voice became low and detached. It was as if his voice were acting of its own accord because the real James was long gone. "She needs someone to blame for Noah's death… and that's where I come in. I'll be whatever she needs me to, even if it kills me."

"Prongs…"

"I knew this would happen. It's on me." James looked up, and ran his fingers through his hair. "I deserve this."

Sirius stood up. "Don't be ridiculous. All you ever did was love that girl. So she's a bit mad with the loss of her best mate… it's understandable. But she'll come around. She'll see that you were only trying to protect her and things will go back to the way they were."

A soft grin covered the left side of James' mouth. "I appreciate you trying, but it's not. I'm always going to be the man that betrayed her."

"But James…"

"Even if she gets past Noah's death enough to accept it and be happy again… it will never be with me. She will permanently associate my face as the enemy."

"You can't be alright with this…" Sirius said, watching as James struggled to stand, grabbing onto the couch for support.

Suddenly James lifted his head, a horrid sadness covering his face. "You think that I'm ok with Lily despising me? That… that it's just _fine _she'll never see me as a decent man again?"

Sirius stepped forward, reaching out for his friend. "I didn't mean it like that."

But James didn't seem to hear him. He clutched the side of the couch with as much strength as he had left to avoid falling over. "She loved me, Sirius! She fell in love with me and now all of that is gone. She will never give me that adorable smile in between empty spaces of conversations or play nervously with the ends of her hair when I tell her she's beautiful or kiss me just to remind me she's there. She was mine and now she's just gone. So, no, I'm not alright. I'm doing what I can."

Sirius remained silent as James slowly made his way to the stairs. He sighed as he watched his best mate slowly crumbling. It was killing him.

* * *

**This one was a bit short, but I loved writing it. Crazy Lily is my favorite :)**

**Please drop a review if you liked it!**

**Thanks**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	9. Hunting The Broken

**James **

He sat on the couch at nine in the morning like he did every day since the marketplace. He watched as Sirius stood in the kitchen, sliding scrambled eggs off a greasy pan and onto a battered plate. He looked up at James, and gave a reassuring smile. James nodded.

Sirius was bringing Lily breakfast. He did this every morning at exactly nine like clockwork. Lily hadn't left her room in three days. _Three days. _James hasn't seen her since. He supposed it was better that way. She needed space, Sirius kept telling him. This space wasn't alright. This space was killing him.

Just as Sirius made his way to the first step, Lily emerged at the top of the staircase. James tried to turn his eyes away, but they seemed to be glued. She wore dark circles beneath her bloodshot eyes, scratches along her arms and legs, and an oversized t-shirt falling against her knees. Any trace of expression was absent. She was a ghost.

"Hey, Lil, it's nice to see you out of that room. I was just about to bring you breakfast." Sirius grinned. It was unlike him to be so cheery. In fact, it was a rare day when Sirius smiled at anything other than his own intelligence and wit. But he recognized the lost hope inside Lily. James was helpless to do anything, so Sirius stepped up. He was a much greater man than anyone gave him credit for.

"Come on now Evans. It'll get cold."

He began to walk back towards the kitchen table, hoping Lily would follow behind. She nodded, tucking a fallen strand of hair behind her ear and made her way down the steps. She seemed so small with her arms folded over her chest, shoulders hunched, and her eyes against the floor.

James spun around; facing the wall, hoping his presence in the room wouldn't disturb her. Sirius said she hasn't been eating lately, just cutting up the food and moving it around so it looked like she touched it. She was always so clever; it worried him.

"James, do you want anything?" Sirius asked over the silence. He knew that James had no intension of interacting with Lily, especially on the first day she was able to leave her room on her own. James wanted to sit with his back to her so he wouldn't see her face. He didn't want to see the pain screaming from her closed lips or the torture in her eyes. For the first time, James Potter wanted to be the coward.

"James? Come on, mate. You should probably eat something too." Sirius made him a plate anyway. "With the two of you, I swear I've turned into the housewife. It's tragic. Help me out, Prongs."

James nodded, and set the newspaper on the coffee table. As he stood, he could feel his knees shaking. This was pathetic. He needed to be strong. He needed to be put together… for Lily.

Lily didn't lift her head when James took the seat opposite her. She kept her eyes glued to the eggs upon the plate. Her fork poked and prodded, but not once did a single piece leave the dish.

James sighed and took a bite of his own eggs. "Eating a bit may help with the nausea."

This time Lily lifted her head, her eyes square against James. They were covered in a glassy haze and seemed to be shaded in disdain. They were silent for a while as Lily kept her compromised green eyes upon James. The once vibrant, solid green had faded into a reddish fog. The color in her cheeks vanished and her lips bled through the cracks. After a moment, she lowered her head again and stared back at her food.

It sent a chill up James spine. It wasn't like she was furious, or depressed anymore. She was gone. Her soul and everything that made her whole… was gone. James always knew that Noah was important to her. But he didn't know it would have this great of an effect on her. He realized that Noah must have been much more. He was her brother, her guardian, her hope. Noah was the kind of man James should have been at Hogwarts when he was too busy trying to cover up his affection with crude jokes and meaningless pranks.

He thought of Noah, and even James felt a stab. He was a great man despite their arguments over Lily. Noah looked out for her, and even if he was sometimes protecting Lily from James, he appreciated it. But now, he was dead; killed in probably the most horrible act after being tortured for God knows how many days.

That could have been Lily. Lily could be the dead one right now, leaving Noah to deal with the fallout. No. James couldn't let himself think that way. He closed his fist, pushing his nails into his skin, forcing the image from his mind.

He looked down at his plate, and took another bite. Lily still hadn't touched hers.

James took a deep breath and spoke even though he knew he probably shouldn't. "Lily…"

"Stop right there." Her voice came as a surprise. She set the fork down next to her untouched plate and looked up. "Don't talk to me. You lost that right when you blindly lied to me on a regular basis and seemed to think that was alright."

James opened his mouth as if to say something else, but came up with nothing. He dropped her gaze. They sat in silence until James finished his breakfast. When he finally looked up again, Lily had gone, leaving a full plate still on the table.

* * *

Nine o'clock again. Today Sirius wasn't downstairs making breakfast, but James still sat upon his couch. He flipped aimlessly through pages of the newspaper, never stopping to read an article.

But then he heard it. A scream.

"No! Sirius I've had enough!" Lily's voice rang from the top floor. A loud crash followed.

"Lily, don't make me restrain you! Come on, think rationally!" Sirius begged.

James stood to his feet and made his way to the bottom step. He leaned his back against the wall, waiting.

"I am not staying here anymore, Sirius, not with _him_ around."

It felt like a dagger pressing against his chest, slowing twisting and turning until it broke skin, sinking into his body. James lowered his head, clutching his own arm, trying to restrain himself.

"I'm sorry, but I'm leaving. You can't stop me."

James could hear a heavy suitcase dragging against the wooden floors as a door slammed shut. They were in the hallway now.

"Lily, listen to me. I won't let you leave... don't make me hex you."

Her case fell against each step as she made her way down. She was determined to get out of here. James knew he had to do something… but what? She sure as hell wasn't going to listen to him.

But she wasn't leaving either way; there was no second option here. It was either she came to her senses on her own, or Sirius hexed her into unconsciousness and cuffed her to a bed.

When Lily's food touched the panel floor, James reached out and kicked her suitcase aside. He grabbed onto her waist, yanking her back.

"Get off!" She screeched. Her elbow collided against James' bicep and sent a pang through his arm. He released her unwillingly and she bolted from his arms. She spun around and pushed against his chest with all her strength. James staggered backwards, grasping for the banister in an effort to stay on his feet.

Lily made a run for it, leaving her suitcase behind and her wand on the floor. Sirius bounded down the stairs, past James and the case lying on the ground. He lifted his hand, his wand placed firm between his fingers, aiming at the manic Lily.

"Come on Lily, don't make me do this!" Sirius shouted as Lily got closer to the door. "Lily!"

She didn't stop and she didn't have any intentions of doing so. Sirius knew this, and yet he couldn't bring himself to send a spell at her. She lost her best friend and her love for James all in one day. She didn't need Sirius betraying her as well. With that, Sirius threw his wand aside and ran.

But Lily stopped just as she swung the front door open. The skies were blue and the air was warm. She could have run; she wanted to run. But her feet stopped her. Sirius slowed down, coming to a stop behind her.

She spun around, her jaw shaking uncontrollably. She looked up at Sirius, who didn't seem to have any words. She grabbed onto his arms, as her legs gave out under her.

James could only watch as Sirius gently sat down against the wooden floor, bringing Lily with him. He leaned his back against the door, as Lily pressed her face into his chest, her whole upper body shivering.

James allowed himself to slide down the wall and collapse on the bottom stair as Lily's cries grew louder. He watched from the opposite side of the room as his best friend stroked the hair of the woman he loved, whispering in her ear that it was alright, holding her hand, and pulling her near.

A knot formed in his stomach and he looked away, unable to watch any longer.

* * *

James looked to the clock. It was nearly two in the morning. He didn't have much luck sleeping in the past week. He mostly just sat on the hardwood floors with his back pressed against the wall. He left the door cracked just slightly.

It seemed to be two o'clock for hours. Time moved slowly nowadays. Lily refused to leave her room again. Sirius once again brought her food when it was time to eat and often had to bribe her to swallow something. James didn't know what she could be doing in there, but he had a fair idea. She was probably sitting with her back against the wall, knees clutched to her chest, just as James was; feeling so empty inside that a gust of wind would knock him over.

The low cries he had been hearing for the past few hours seemed to dull down and the house became silent again. Maybe Lily was finally getting some sleep…

Just as James' eyes fluttered to a close and his chin drooped to his chest, he heard the screaming. He jumped to his feet and stumbled his way out the door. Sirius met him in the hallway. They both looked to Lily's door, and then to each other.

"Let me help her." James said sternly.

"Absolutely not. You know going in there will only make it worse."

"Look, she's trapped in a nightmare right now." James pressed his hand gently against the door. "This is the first time she's had one since she found out about Noah's death. I know what to do. Just… please."

"No."

"Sirius…"

"I'm saying no, so just go back to bed and I'll take care of it."

"I haven't seen her in days and I know I can do something-"

"James!" Sirius shouted. He clasped his hands behind his head. "I know you are having a hard time here, but Lily comes first. You knew what you were doing when you decided not to tell her. I'm sorry, mate. But she needs space. Give it to her."

Lily's screams became louder and they quickly broke into a cry. She was sobbing. James could hear it in her voice. He cringed.

Sirius gave him an apologetic smile before opening the door, sliding in, and closing it behind him. James stared at the door as he waited for it to stop. He waited for nearly twenty minutes before Lily's cries dulled down again and she seemed to have fallen back asleep. Dragging his feet, James slowly made his way back to his bed. He sat on the edge, staring back at the clock. It barely moved at all.

The next night wasn't any easier when it happened again. The same routine, James met Sirius in the hall, begging to let him inside. He was defeated again. Of course, James knew that Sirius was right. Going in there himself would only harm Lily more. He couldn't have that.

James didn't sleep most nights but he was okay with it. This way, he was able to make sure Lily fell asleep and Sirius was there to comfort her when she woke up. It wasn't easy, watching his best friend doing what he should be. _He_ should be in there rocking her back to sleep. _He_ should be holding her when she slept. It was ripping him apart inside.

* * *

**Lily **

She awoke quickly and pushed herself away from the body holding her. She looked up and saw Sirius. He smiled awkwardly and scratched the side of his face. Lily looked around nervously.

"Sorry… I… I tried not to."

"You can't control your dreams, Evans." Sirius said, pulling over a stool and sitting by her bedside. He sighed heavily, as if he was uneasy to speak. "Was this one about Noah again?"

She could hear the shaking in his voice; like he was afraid to mention Noah's name. He was right to. A pain shot through her chest every time she thought of him. She imagined his battered body lying at Voldemort's feet, the blood dripping from his face, the pleading in his eyes…

Lily shook her head, staring off at the door. "No."

"Well, that's good… right?"

"It was about James." Lily said quickly. She sighed and rubbed her fingers against her eyes. "I thought… I thought that would be done with, you know? I don't want him to count on the list of people I'm terrified to lose. But he's still there. I don't understand. He lied to me and manipulated me. He kept my best friend's murder from me for months and constantly reassured me the whole time that everything was okay. I don't want to care about him."

Suddenly, she could feel the lump in the back of her throat returning. Her jaw began to quiver and before she knew it, tears were pouring down her cheeks and she was gasping for breath.

Sirius grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly in his. "I know it feels like he's the enemy right now. But… he loves you, _so much_, Lily. It wasn't easy for him to keep this from you and it is sure as hell killing him now. I know you don't want me to defend him, but you should know he's in pain too. Not that is lessens yours by any means… of course."

Lily looked up, wiping the tears with her free hand. Her breathing was sporadic, taking a breath only when she could. She looked back to the door as she did every night; like she was waiting for James to run through. "I don't want to love him anymore. I want it to stop."

"Shit…" Sirius cursed under his breath. "Lily..."

The tears began to cascade again and there was no stopping them. She didn't even try. "I want to hate him. I want to wish that he were dead. I want him to leave and go so far away that I don't have to feel like this anymore. I still love him and it _sickens me._"

Her eyes were wild. Her hands grasped at the sheets, ripping them away. "I feel disgusting for caring for a man who would do this to me."

Sirius didn't think before he blurted out what he'd been dying to scream at Lily for days. "James had _nothing_ to do with Noah's death."

"You don't think I know that!" Lily threw her hands to her face, rapidly pushing away flyaway hairs. "I know. Of course, I know. But every time I look at him, or even think about him, I get this awful pit in my stomach. Just the thought of him starts all these horrible images in my mind of how Noah died… how he died months ago and I didn't even know. I never got to pray for him, or pay my respects or say goodbye. I never said goodbye…"

After that the tears seemed to consume her to a point where she could no longer speak. Sirius leaned forward and stroked Lily's hair as she lay down and tried to close her eyes. Her body began to shake as she grasped for covers. It didn't help.

She didn't fall asleep for another two hours.

* * *

**James**

"James?"

He looked up to see that morning had come. Light shown in through the windows and it was blindingly bright. He hadn't even noticed. Sirius stood above him. "Listen, Moody messaged me. He wants me to check out a village a few kilometers from here. There may be something there that can lead the other aurors to Voldemort. Another murder."

"Really? At a time like this?"

"I know, man, believe me I know." Sirius said. "But, I shouldn't be gone long. I should be back by tomorrow morning at the latest."

James nodded and stood to his feet. "You're going alone?"

Sirius grinned. "Please. I'm more than capable."

"Just be careful, will ya?"

"I will." He looked across the hall at Lily's door. "Are you going to be okay here? You know, alone with…"

"I'll make it work."

"I already spoke to Lily." Sirius said. James didn't respond. He kept his eyes on the door, not listening too much after that. James was more concerned about how the hell he was supposed to take care of Lily when she refused to even look at him. But he didn't let Sirius know. He had to at least try.

Sirius sighed. "Ok, well I'm off. Take care, man."

James hit Sirius on the back before walking him to the door. "Don't get yourself killed!"

"Oh where's the fun in that?" and he was gone.

James tucked his hands into his pockets and slowly spun around. Standing on the bottom step, was Lily. Her hair was down but it was a tangled mess, sticking out all over. She wore her usual bloodshot eyes and a sadness that struck James painfully in the chest.

"Hey…" James said awkwardly. He ruffled his hair a bit, not sure what to do. She stared at him without any sort of expression. After a moment she let her eyes fall to the ground. She scratched the back of her neck.

"I just came down for a water." Her voice was soft enough that James had to strain his ears to hear her. He nodded.

"I'll get it for you."

"No." Lily stepped forward. "I've got it."

James took a step back. He bit his lip anxiously as he watched her reaching to grab the glass from the top shelf. She stood high on her toes but still was inches away. James smiled lightly.

"Here," He cautiously made his way to the cabinet and effortlessly pulled a single glass from the shelf. He handed it to Lily. For a brief moment his hand grazed hers and they seemed to stop. Lily looked down at the counter, pulling the cup from James' hand. He stepped back. "Sorry."

Lily shook her head. "It's fine."

It was odd. She wasn't manic anymore, it seemed. He almost would have preferred her that way; to be outrageously furious with him. That way she wouldn't be in so much pain. She let the depression consume her. She was more hollow than ever and it was killing him.

"Lily…"

"I'll be in my room." She said, cutting him off. She opened her mouth as if to say something else, but instead turned on her heels and ran up the stairs.

James sighed. It was progress. That was the first time he had seen her in days. She didn't throw any glass dishes at him today, so that was something. He threw himself on the couch, resting his head against the back. Then he waited for the day to be over.

* * *

It dragged. Hours upon hours that seemed to take an eternity to crawl by. He opened his eyes. James slept for maybe an hour, and that felt like enough. The ceiling was bare, as expected. He wasn't sure what he was looking for, maybe for it to just collapse and crush him underneath. That would be best, wouldn't it? He wasn't sure anymore.

He felt ridiculous. James used to be confident, powerful, strong. But now he's a pile of mush that can't seem to look in a mirror anymore without wanting to punch it. Lily did this to him. It was her fault.

James sighed and threw the covers off his body, kicking his feet. He turned and looked to the door. Lily was just across the hall. Maybe he should say something… it wasn't fair for her to treat him like this. After all, James had nothing to do with Noah's death. She can't possibly blame him for it! He let out a huff and sat up. This was happening. He was going to tell her. He was going to set it right.

Just as his feet hit the ground, he heard a scream. His head jolted up and he seemed to forget about his intensions. His breathing quickened as he stared at the door. Suddenly, his feet couldn't move. Her screams grew louder and they began to break into cries.

"Damn it, James, move." He willed himself to run. "Don't be a coward. Go."

Terrified, James bolted across the room, down the hall, and threw Lily's door aside. Pulling himself to a stop, he stared at Lily's bed. She sat up, clutching her knees, her eyes wide open. She was awake. She was never asleep at all.

She looked up, finally noticing his entrance. She shook her head and placed it back against her knees. "Go away."

He wanted to. He wanted to run. But James knew he could never do that. Not to her. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Leave me alone!" Lily shouted, picking up the closest pillow and chucking it across the room. James stepped aside, dodging it as it hit the wall behind him, landing without a sound.

Lily let only a few gasps for breath between her cries escape before she threw her body back against the bed. She pulled the covered up to her chin, trying to stifle back tears.

James shook his head. He carefully walked across the room until he reached her. "I made a promise to protect you and that's what I'm going to do. I don't care if you fight me the whole way."

"No!" Lily seemed to lose it. Her eyes were wild as she threw herself off the bed. She jumped to her feet and pulled on the ends of her hair. "You don't get to do this to me… You don't get to make up for it! You can't just lie to me for months and think I can forget something like that now that you've seemed to muster up enough courage to look at me! You don't get to play with my emotions like that. Not after you promised me that everything was alright when you knew… you knew Noah was dead. Now, for merlin's sake, Potter, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

James was silent. He took a deep breath and sat on the edge of her bed. He listened for a moment to her labored attempts to catch air.

"Come on Lily. You said you love me… not even a week ago. That counts for something here."

"Not anymore it doesn't." Her voice was low and cruel; like it was the day she discovered the truth. James couldn't take it anymore; all this pain and Lily's hatred. He was just as messed up as she.

"Yes, it does! Why are you doing this? You don't have to be this miserable. You said it yourself; I make you happy. I want to be there for you, so just get passed what I did so I can help you!"

Lily sat up, her eyes incredibly wide. Her mouth was agape, like she couldn't believe what he was saying. "Right. Let me just forget about the fact that Noah is dead."

"I didn't kill him, Lily!" His voice came out much harsher than he intended. Lily seemed taken back and leaned against the wall, folding her arms. James ran a hand through his hair nervously. "I'm sorry. But, I had nothing to do with his death. I'm sorry I kept it from you, honest I am, but you can't blame me for his murder."

James had been talking to the wall. Lily was no longer in his view point and he didn't have much effort to adjust it. But he could hear her loud breathing behind him.

"It's the same thing."

James stood to his feet, spinning around. "_Fuck's sake,_ Lily, how could you say that?!"

Lily stared at him, unsure of how to answer. Her limbs were shaking and immediately James regretted shouting at her. What was he thinking? She couldn't take this right now. What the hell was wrong with him?

James could only stare at her, his mouth slightly agape. He couldn't form any words.

Lily shut her eyes tight and let out a harsh breath. "I have to go," and she ran out the door.

"Lily! Wait!" James sped off after her; across the hall, down the stairs, through the living room and out the front door. It was incredibly dark; a sky without stars. It was eerily quiet, but he didn't pay any attention. Now wasn't the time for that.

He finally caught her in the field behind the house. An anger took a hold of him so strong, he couldn't think straight. He grabbed a hold of her arm, pulling her forcefully to him. She let out shriek. "What do you want from me?! I'm doing everything I can to make this better, but you won't listen!"

"James! James, stop! Let go!" Lily screamed, but he didn't hear.

His hands closed tighter against her fragile arms. His rage was building on a scale he had never experienced before. It consumed him, taking over before he could stop it. "Dammit Lily! All I ever did was love you! I was trying to protect you! Don't you see that?!"

Lily tried to pull her body away, twisting around in James' firm grasp. But he wouldn't let go. He couldn't. He wasn't in control.

"James… stop…" Lily managed to choke between sobs.

He began to violently shake her, squeezing her shoulders. "Just tell me what to do! Tell me!"

When she didn't respond, it sent a wave of fury up his spine. She couldn't do this to him. She couldn't just sit there and blindly despise him after all he went through for her; after all the pain that he's been in too. This was her fault. She was doing this to him. She deserved this.

And then it stopped. The anger released and his focus seemed to return. His stomach twisted.

It was in her eyes; full of fear. As Lily scrambled around to her feet, she froze still when her eye's made eye contact with James again. She was scared. James raised his hand, and Lily cringed. He rested it against his head, pulling on the ends of his hair. He couldn't even look at her. He felt sick.

James stared painfully at the ground, trying to choke out some sort of apology. "Lily… I didn't…"

She was silent, standing a yard away with her arms close to her body. James seemed to collapse under himself. He dropped to his knees. He couldn't stop the tears building behind his eyes. His hands immediately covered his face, hiding it away in shame.

"Oh God…" His voice cracked. "I didn't mean… I don't… I'm so… oh my God…"

As he choked against the sobs in his throat, he didn't notice Lily move closer. She watched as he fell back on his heels, retreating further. She slowly knelt down by his side, as he gasped for breath between tears.

She reached out and hesitated for a moment before touching his hand. But then she did so without a second though. James seemed to stop immediately in shock. Lily pulled James' hand lightly into her own.

James' eyes traced her face wildly, unsure of what was happening. She lifted her other arm, and rested her hand against James' neck. A soft smile lifted the edges of her lips. "It's alright, James."

He shook his head. Tears fell down off his nose and chin, landing against the dirt. "Don't say that…"

Lily nodded. "I'm okay, honest."

James looked up, staring at the noticeable handprints along her arms. A knot twisted in his stomach. "No you're not. I don't know what happened… I just… I missed you and I think it was driving me mad…I can't understand why I would…"

Lily's eyes were drained of the redness, and the green seemed to return. "Look at me, James. I know I haven't been fair to you. For that, I am so sorry. I understand your anger…"

"It doesn't excuse…"

"Let me finish." Lily said sternly. She traced the edges of James' jaw with her thumb. "These last few days have been the worst week of my life. I lost my best friend in the entire world…"

James stayed silent. He couldn't respond to that. Everything inside him ached. He wanted to scream.

Lily continued. "… and I managed to convince myself that I deserved to lose you too."

James looked up, finally meeting her eyes again.

"I don't blame you." Her voice was shaken, but strong. The smile returned to her lips as James seemed to go through twelve emotions at once. Finally he mustered out a single word.

"What?"

Lily's smile was a sad one, heartbreaking yet kind. She looked to the ground. "I kept telling myself it was your fault; that you meant for this to happen. That way, when I looked at you I'd be angry and empty and miserable. I _had_ to be miserable."

"Wh-why?"

"All those months that Noah was dead, I was happy; happier than I had ever been in my entire life. I had you, and I was running on air. All the while, my best friend was tortured and murdered by a horrible man. …and I was _happy_." Tears began to fill the sides of Lily's face. Her lower lip quivered and she gasped for breath.

"Noah would want you to be happy."

"I know." Lily looked around at the field surrounding them. When her focus returned to James' the pain in his eyes disappeared. "I forgive you… for everything you've done and everything you will do. Don't let me push you away like that again."

James wanted to rejoice. He wanted to kiss her and hold her in his arms for the first time in what felt like eternity. But instead, he shook his head, pushing her away.

"You should hate me. Especially after tonight… you should be running away from me."

Lily shook her head. "Stop it. You were never going to hurt me. You're not that kind of man."

"What do you call those bruises on your arms then?"

She looked down at the red marks slowly turning purple. Lily bit her lip at she studied it. Then her eyes shot back to James. His eyebrows rose. Suddenly, a wave of realization spread across her face. It was quickly replaced with panic. "We should go. Now."

"What? What are you…?"

"That wasn't you, not for a second. I am so sorry I didn't realize it sooner. I know you, James, and you would_ never_ lay a hand on me… no matter how angry you were. Something's wrong. Something's definitely wrong." Lily jumped to her feet, pulling James up with her.

"Lily… I'm sorry… but it _was_ me. I remember thinking that I wanted to…" He cringed, stopping himself mid-sentence.

"No. It _wasn't_ you." Lily froze. Her head perked up. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" James looked around. The field was empty as far as he could see. He tucked his hands into his pockets, waiting for Lily to say something.

Then he saw it. In the far distance, several stocks of wheat shifted in the windless air. A man lifted his head with features too far away to see except for his unmistakable blonde hair. A devilish grin grew on the man's face as he turned to several men around him, egging them on. The stocks of wheat flew to the sides and shifted fiercely as the gang of death eaters stormed James and Lily.

James spun around and grabbed onto Lily's shoulders. "Look at me, run back to the house as fast as you can, I'll hold them off."

"What? No!" Lily shook her head violently.

"We don't have time to argue! Please, just go!" James released her and reached for his wand. But it wasn't there. He had no wand. It was on his dresser back in the cabin.

Without warning, his eyes grew wide with fear. "Lily, please. Run."

She didn't move.

"Lily go!"

"I can't leave you."

James spun around on his heels, knowing Lily would stay true to her word. There wasn't time to argue, or play hero. He grabbed her hand and pulled her as he ran. It was a struggle for her to keep up. As long as he felt her hand in his, he tried not to think about the pains in her feet. She had no shoes on. They must be bleeding pretty badly by now.

The seconds dragged as they tore through the field. The death eaters chanted behind them.

"Get the redhead!" One shouted.

"No, grab both!"

"I want the ginger for myself!"

"Get Potter too! Blood traitor!"

James' foot snagged an uprooted tree limb and he tumbled forward, landing hard on his side. Lily looked back anxiously, watching as the men grew closer. "James! James, get up!"

He tried, but his legs betrayed him. He heard a death eater shout a curse and suddenly he couldn't move. His eyes grew wide as an overwhelming pain struck through his entire body. Lily fell to her knees, understanding what was happening. She had experienced it herself once.

James kicked and flailed his arms, trying to relieve the pain, but nothing would help. Nothing would ever help. The pain was excruciating. He would rather die a coward's death than allow this to go on. His voice rang out, different from his own, begging for death.

"James…" Lily bent down and wrapped her arms around him, trying to comfort his agony. His limbs stopped twitching and he tried to relax into Lily's arms. But then, even through the pain, he managed to choke out a few words as his reality flashed back.

"Leave. P-please. Go."

Lily shook her head. "I don't care what happens. I will _not_ leave you here to die."

"Then _you'll_ die."

A soft smile lifted her cheeks as the men were only a few feet away. She didn't look up at them, but kept her focus on James. She stroked his cheek, trying to wipe the tear slipping from his eye. But then the pain was too much, and he saw darkness.

* * *

**BAM. As you can see, I like driving my characters a bit crazy sometimes. haha. **

**But do not fear all will be explained!**

**Thanks for reading and please drop a review :)**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	10. The Windowless Room

**Lily **

Lily struggled to free herself from the death eater she'd come to know as Zale's grasp. With long point fingers, he held her tied arms forcefully behind her back. Lily felt a kick against her calf as he pushed her body to keep up with the other men.

The scenery began to look the same, the trees all blended into one. A haze of green and brown streamed over her eyes. She had lost track of where she was long ago.

Her bare feet were covered in blood and scars. Each step was more painful than the last. She could feel the dirt against her face and arms, consuming her body whole. Patches of mud buried into her white v-neck; her jeans torn at the hem.

They've been walking for hours now, countless miles behind them; one foot in front of the other. Just keep going. There was no other way to think. Just keep going.

Lily looked up towards James; a large, filthy looking man pushed him along, keeping the wand shoved in the back of his neck. She could hear James' groans from a couple feet behind him. Thin trails of blood flowed down his legs and arms. He tried to keep his body upright, but he struggled. His back hunched over, and he dragged his feet with every step.

It wasn't enough for them to sick the cruciatus curse on him, they had to beat him to a pulp as well.

"_No! Stop, please!" Lily screamed, trying to run forward. Two men restrained her on either side, gripping her arms more forcefully every time she raised her voice. "Please, stop!"_

_She could feel the death eaters' nails digging into her skin. She bit her lip, shaking away the bearable pain as she watched James fall to the ground. _

_Three men stood around him in a circle, closing him off from view. She recognized two of the men immediately; Lucius Malfoy and Rodolphus Lestrange. They had gone to school together, only being two years ahead. Snape used to trail around after them. She shuddered. _

_Slowly, she forced her eyes up and watched, in great agony, as each of the men took turns kicking James. He groaned and clutched his stomach, unable to protect himself. _

_James was always an excellent fighter. Though it earned him many detentions over the years, he never backed down from a well-deserved fist fight. But James was smart. He knew the consequences if he fought back. Hell, he could probably take on all three. But he was without a wand, and by that alone he had no chance of surviving an escape. _

_For a brief moment he was able to spot Lily between the legs of the three death eaters. Her jaw quivered, stomaching turning, at how little he resembled himself. He could hardly muster out a sign of comfort. It was all he could manage._

"_James! Just fight back!" _

_Lucius' head popped up, almost in a mixture of complete shock and rage. He rose from the ground, releasing James' shirt from his fist and slammed his body against the ground. _

"_Oi! Princess!" Lucius ran back to her and forcefully grabbed her chin, demanding her attention. "Potter was a prick at Hogwarts and now… he's at the bottom of the food chain. Unless you want to take the next beating, I suggest you shut the hell up."_

_Her eyes beamed with hatred. It pulsed through her veins, through her soul. She could feel the heat building behind her chest. She mustered up every bit of courage should could and spit in Lucius' face. _

"_James Potter ten times the man you'll ever be."_

_Lucius rolled his eyes, a laughter storming from his lips. "Not for much longer…."_

"_What's that supposed to mean?" _

_He didn't respond. Instead, the edges of his lips curved upwards in the foulest grin she had ever seen. _

_Lily's breathing quivered as Lucius turned and walked away. _

_Maybe it was nothing. He must be toying with her head. They wouldn't kill James. He was a pureblood. That meant something to these men. But the way Malfoy grinned, like he knew something… something far worse than just the intent of killing him. _

_Her limbs began to shake uncontrollably and for a moment she thought she might collapse. That was, until Zale's grasp rung so tightly around her arms it woke her back into reality. _

_James yelled out as Rodolphus sent a closed fist into his stomach and then five in a row to his jaw. He just lied there. He didn't fight back. He didn't muster out a single insult. He just lied there, waiting for it to be over because he knew the second he retaliated it would certainly kill them both. _

_Tears streamed down Lily's face. She could do nothing. Nothing at all that could help him. She could only watch as James began to slip in and out of consciousness. _

James turned his head, ever so slightly, just enough so he could he see Lily out of the corner of his eye. She had to stop herself from cringing. His face was covered in blood. An open wound gaped across his jaw and his eyes were completely bloodshot. Corners of his face had swelled and turned a reddish-purple color. He tried his best to force out a smile, though the pain of altering his expression in anyway was no doubt excruciating.

"Keep walking!" Malfoy shouted, hitting James on the back of his head. He immediately turned around.

Lily's legs began to feel weak, like they were numbing to the point of paralysis. She fought with herself to stand, pushing her feet against the ground. It was too much. She was too weak.

Her legs collapsed underneath her and Lily fell to the ground, the dirt and stones rubbing hard against her porcelain skin. A warm red liquid dripped down her arm. She felt Zale's foot kick her side. "Get up! Let's go!"

At the sound of Zale's voice, Malfoy turned around, throwing James to the ground and ran to Lily's side. He towered over her, staring down at her body. "You heard the man. Get up!" He kicked her gut.

Lily immediately curled into a ball, clutching her stomach just as James had. James reached out and clawed against the dirt. He tried his best to stand up, but his body collapsed underneath him. He wanted so bad to help, to do anything, but there was nothing he could have done, not in that state.

Lucius shook his head. "This is pathetic. Zale, knock her out and carry her. We'll get there ten times faster without the mudblood holding us up."

She watched, almost in slow motion as Zale lifted his fist, closing his knuckles so tight they were nearly white.

Lily closed her eyes, squeezing the lids shut as hard as she could, preparing herself for the next blow to her head.

* * *

**James**

An illegal train ride and many more miles later, James stood on familiar grounds. He looked around anxiously, somewhat regaining his strength.

"What the hell are we doing here?" James spat. His voice was groggy and hash, but he kept his features strong.

Lucius spun around, laughing with madness in his eyes. "Oh you'll see, Potter."

James licked his lips, tasting blood. He stared at the castle before him. Not too far from where he was, hundreds of kids slept peacefully in their dorms. The world's most powerful wizard less than a mile away and yet James was still helpless. Five death eaters were on Hogwarts grounds and no one noticed.

The largest man tugged on James' arms, pulling him away from the castle. His shoulders ached and he could feel his skin tearing beneath the ropes.

His body was dragged unwillingly towards the darkest edge of the grounds. In that moment James Potter knew exactly where they were taking him; the Forbidden Forest.

His body had never felt this weak before, but yet he managed enough strength to turn and locate Lily. She hung over Zale's right shoulder, her hair wiping around above her head. Her arms and legs were covered in dirt and her hair wore a brownish tint from all the mud. She appeared lifeless as her limbs swung with each step.

"Oi! Gallot! Keep him moving!" Malfoy shouted from behind. Gallot jammed his right fist into James lower back. He groaned, and turned back around.

His feet began aching too long ago at this point to even think about them. Everything hurt. He wondered about Sirius, and if he had found what he was looking for in that village. If he had returned, and discovered the house to be empty without any signed of struggle, would he know what happened? Would he send help?

Of course he would, what was James thinking? Help would be on the way any minute now… if they had any trace of where they were. Rescue started to seem less and less likely with every step further into the forest.

It was much darker than he remembered from his days at Hogwarts. The trees and the fog appeared threatening instead of mysterious and adventurous. James tried to remember all the times he and his best mates had ventured off into the forest. He knew his way around. But this… this was new. He had never seen this part and nothing looked even slightly familiar.

The branches curved in a demonic stance. They twisted and prodded against the sky, leaving a closed barrier to keep them inside. In the distance, he heard the faint sound of a howl.

Immediately James searched for the moon, but the branches blocked his view point. It couldn't be Remus. He wasn't stupid enough to let himself loose in the forest. It had to be just a regular wolf… or something.

Then he saw it through the clearing, the half-moon. He sighed quickly in relief. Remus must be asleep by now, safe inside the castle. It was torturous how he was to salvation.

"Where are you taking us?" James managed to choke out. Blood spilled from his lips, dripping down his chin.

Gallot shook his head, laughing. "Shut up and keep walking."

But it was Malfoy who stepped up. "The bunkers." He pointed. "Just ahead."

"You mean to tell me the death eaters have an underground prison in the Forbidden Forest?" James asked. "You've got to me kidding me…"

Luscious grinned. "Yes, we do. Quite impressive I daresay; slipped it all under Dumbledore's nose, the old coot. I've been sneaking death eaters in to work on it since 6th year. Now, it's finally ready."

"Ready for what?"

Lucius only laughed, but James knew what he meant. It wasn't hard to figure out; in fact he knew the second Lucius mentioned the bunkers.

It was a torture chamber for muggleborns and blood traitors before they decided to execute them. It was discrete and almost impossible to find unless you knew what to look for. There were hundreds of miles among the Forbidden Forest. James nearly collapsed. Rescue was nearly impossible.

"I said keep moving!" Gallot shouted, but James didn't seem to care as he picked his feet back up and continued on. All he could think about was Lily. There was no chance of her surviving this, none at all. Even as talented a witch she was, she had 'dirty' blood. The death eaters would never let her leave. They would consider it a pleasure to murder the beautiful redhead. They wouldn't even think twice.

James felt sick. He knew the death eaters would need direct permission from Voldemort to kill him. He was a pure blood from a noble family. Voldemort didn't want any of his precious kind being spilled without good reason.

They came up to a clearing. At the opposite end there was a cave that seemed to lead underground. It was dark and ominous, even for the Death Eaters. No rational person would venture into that cave and James supposed that was the point. No one would find them.

Gallot nudged him forward and James went along without resistance. He ducked his head down to avoid the sharp edges of the ceiling and stepped inside. It was much darker than he thought it was going to be. It was absolute darkness, like his eyes were shut tight; only there wide open.

"_Lumos_" Malfoy cast, holding his wand up. It only helped a little. It was musty, and it made breathing quite difficult. Loud echoing of water dripping from the tops of the cave rang throughout the space. "It's just down a bit further."

A metal door stood at the end with what had to be over fifty locks. Malfoy stepped forward and muttered a spell so softly James couldn't possibly hear. After each word, a different lock opened. It took almost a full two minutes for each of the locks to click. James felt his heartbeat increase after each one.

Once it was finished the two death eaters James didn't recognize stepped up and pulled on the door with all of their strength.

Gallot pushed James forward. He grabbed a hold of the doorway for support and stepped inside. Shiny black tiles covered every inch of the hallway, stretching from the floors to the ceiling. Only a few lamps were fitted against the walls, giving off light. It was enough to see, but not enough to memorize where he was going. James had no idea where he was. There was no way out.

Gallot's grasp on James tightened and pulled him to a stop. Zale continued on with the unconscious Lily over his shoulder. James tried to yank his arms forward, but he was held tightly in place. His current lack of strength was hardly enough to walk, let alone fight off a 250 pound man.

"Lily!" He yelled; his voice rash and weak. Zale kept his stride consistent as he made his way further down the hall, and then disappeared down a corridor to his left.

"No… Lily!" James screamed out again.

"Oh will you shut up?" Malfoy opened one door in a long line of possibly empty rooms.

Gallot yanked James backward and threw him inside. He collapsed onto the floor immediately, his head slamming against the concrete. He slowly lifted his head and looked around him. It was exactly was he was expecting it to be; a prison cell with concrete floors, walls and ceiling, no windows and only a single light bulb hanging from a thread above him. Three feet to his left was a dark red stain. He cringed.

James looked back at them. Both men stood in the doorway, grinning maniacally. "Where is he taking Lily?" He forced out as much strength as he could.

Malfoy laughed. "That mudblood?"

James flinched.

"Don't worry; I'll be taking _excellent _care of her." His smile was sickening. James felt his stomach turn. Lucius seemed to notice and he began to pace around the room as Gallot stood guard. James couldn't find the strength to stand.

"She's quite _beautiful_, wouldn't you say so James?" Lucius asked, watching as James' hands closed into fists. "I wonder how long it will be before she loses her sanity… the fierce, the talented Lily Evans not knowing the difference between you and I. What do you think I should have her do first, James? Any suggestions?"

"Shut up!" James shouted. Everything began to hurt again but he didn't care. He couldn't listen to it anymore. His felt sick. "If you touch her…"

"You'll _what_, Potter?" Lucius laughed. "You'll kill me?"

James snarled. His fingernails scraped against the concrete. Blood oozed from the tops of his nails. "I'll do more than that."

Malfoy laughed. "You don't have it in you, Potter." He began to circle James, towering over him. "Besides, you're trapped in here. Hell, you can hardly move."

James wanted to say something. He wanted to scream. But he came to the realization very quickly that the consequences of his actions could be taken out on Lily. He pressed his lips together.

"Now…" Malfoy coughed, demanding attention. "I suggest you keep your rotten mouth shut unless you want Evans to slip a bit early."

James could feel his lips bleeding. But he kept his mouth closed, forcing his voice to stop.

"That's better." Malfoy said. He turned to Gallot. "We have work to do. Let's go."

Without another word, Malfoy and Gallot left the room, slamming the metal door behind them. James was finally alone. He let his upper body drift down and find the cold concrete beneath him. Through the pain, he closed his eyes, willing his body to sleep. He needed to sleep. His body was worn out to the point of paralysis.

But soon the image of Lily's lifeless body stormed into his mind and his eyes shot open. He wasn't going to sleep tonight.

He wasn't tired anyway.

* * *

**Lily **

When she finally opened her eyes again, she was alone. She blinked a few times, trying to restore her eyesight before she sat up. Lily pushed herself to the nearest wall, allowing her back to lean against it, only the concrete held her up.

James wasn't here. She didn't expect him to be, but it still was a pang in her chest nonetheless. She wondered what they could be doing to him right now and where he was. She hoped that his blood status would borrow him some time. Maybe Sirius can get Moody and the other aurors to save him before it was too late. Lily didn't have that kind of time. She knew that already. She made her peace a long time ago.

The room around her was crowded in a way she didn't expect. Deep red stains marked bits of the concrete floor, leaving traces of those before her. There were scratches in the walls of loved ones saying their last goodbyes. It was like these people were still here, trapped. Ghosts of the forgotten souls, left behind.

For now, she was too tired. Her head pulsed, and she closed her eyes. It was a ringing through her head. The single light bulb hanging from the ceiling was too bright.

Lily sighed, looking to the door. It was like she was expecting James to run in at any minute. But she knew that couldn't happen. He was far too beaten and the chances of him escaping and finding her were next to nothing.

She bit her lip, not stopping as blood began to drip from her mouth. She felt sick. Not because of the pain or her fears… because she wasted time. Countless hours… days… that she could have had with James. Instead, she locked herself away in a room that wouldn't cure her the way he could. Lily supposed she was afraid.

James was wonderful and it was strange. She knew it for the first time with absolute certainty that she was helplessly in love with him the day she found out about Noah's death. It seems odd, that she would come to realize the extent of her feelings at the exact moment he betrayed her. But it was because he betrayed her that she knew. From the exact moment those words left his lips, her heart begged her mind with every ounce to forgive him.

Her mind took over and she forced him away, too scared to be happy. It was now that she was locked in a windowless cell in the middle of the Dark Forest that she yearned for him most.

With a quivering jaw, Lily slid down to her side, resting against the cold ground. She closed her eyes, trying to picture his face.

_ "Oh come on Evans. What's it gonna take?" James asked with a devilish smirk. He leaned against the back end of the couch, his lips dangerously close to Lily's ear. _

_ "Go away Potter. I have prefect schedules to make." Lily said, jumping up from the couch. She adjusted the ends of her skirt and moved her papers to the desk on the opposite end of the common room. It was empty, the way she liked it. Until James Potter strolled in and decided it was another opportune moment to annoy the patience out of her._

_ "Oh you can do those later. Talk to me." James waved his hand in the air and the papers casually slid from the desk, floating through the air to land in his palm. _

_ Lily groaned. "I wouldn't have to do these if you would just help out." She reached up, trying to grab the slips of paper from James' grasp. He raised them higher above her head. _

_ Lily folded her arms. "It still baffles me that a brilliant wizard such as Albus Dumbledore chose to make _you _Head Boy."_

_ "Ouch, Evans. That hurt." James clutched his heart with his available hand. His smile quickly returned. When he noticed Lily's anger holding firm, he handed her the papers. "Don't be such a priss, here."_

_ Lily reached out and snatched the papers from his hand. _

_ James sighed, running his fingers through his hair. It started to get too tame. "You know, me and Sirius were gonna head into Hogsmeade later tonight… I could ditch him if you'd like to come along…"_

_ "I'm going to stop you right there." Lily set the papers down on the wooden desk. James closed his mouth, his pulse quietly weakening. "The answer is no."_

_ "Oh come on, Evans. You won't even give it a try!"_

_ "You're right. And I never will."_

_ "Give me one good reason why not." James demanded, a tone of anger rising in his voice. He had asked one too many times by this point not to be frustrated with the redhead. _

_ Lily laughed. "I'll give you five." _

_ James seemed taken back. He knew this wouldn't end well. But then again, his spats with Lily never did. _

_ She held out her fingers. "One; you're an insufferable jerk. Two; I watched you push a third year Hufflepuff into a fountain yesterday…"_

_ "I have seniority! I can do whatever…"_

_ "Three; you walk around these halls like you own the place and everyone else is beneath you."_

_ "Oh come on, I don't think that…"_

_ "Four; you treat the quidditch team like slaves. I've been to one of the practices. They last six hours, Potter! Six hours, seven days a week on top of games and class! Are you trying to kill them, or do you enjoy just bossing people around all day?"_

_ "Hey! We've been undefeated since…"_

_ "Five; you managed to destroy my friendship with Severus…"_

_ "Whoa! Stop right there!" James shouted, holding his hands up. "Ok fine. The first four points at least make some sense. But this bullshit about me being the one who broke up your little love fest with grease face has nothing…"_

_ "So you didn't hex him behind his back? Or run after him calling him names? You didn't bully him until he was filled with as much hate as you?"_

_ "Hey! It was a two way street!"_

_ "Maybe so. But you still…"_

_ "I wasn't the one who called you a mudblood!" The second the word escaped his lips, his voice broke. He watched, almost in slow motion, as Lily's jaw dropped and all fury seemed to collapse. All that was left upon her face was pure shock. _

_ James struggled to find his words. "Lily… I didn't…."_

_ "Finish these, will you?" She pointed to the papers on the desk. She bit her lower lip, her nervous hands darted to the ends of her hair. _

_ "Y-yeah, of course." James said, watching as Lily made her way to the stairs. "I'm sorry."_

_ Without turning back around Lily placed her hand against the stone wall. "I'll see you in potions tomorrow. Goodnight Potter."_

_ James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Sleep well Evans."_

Lily awoke the following morning to the sound of high pitch screams down the hall. She jumped to her feet immediately, charging towards the door.

The scream rang again. It was a girl. She seemed young by the tone of her cries, not more than sixteen. A pang hit Lily's stomach. There were more people here. For some reason she had never considered that. Who knows how many muggleborns they had locked up under the earth?

Did no one come looking for them? This girl, she must have come from Hogwarts. How did they not search the grounds? Lily choked on her air. She wondered how long this girl had been held prisoner here. Was it days, weeks, months? Were there people still trying to find her? Or was she just lost to everyone…

Lily supposed after some time she would end up the same way; both her and James. The Death Eaters were thorough. No one would find them here. She was kidding herself.

No one would find the bodies lying beneath the forest's grounds.

* * *

**James**

"I said let me out!" His voice was growing raspier with each word. He had been at it for hours, since the moment he was able to stand. James slammed his fists against the door, kicking it again with his foot. No a single response, not once. "Damn it!"

He groaned, pacing around the room. "I got to get out of here… I got to get out of here…"

The scream rang out again. His head bolted up, staring at the door. It wasn't Lily, he tried to convince himself. But just as easily as the thought occurred, the image of her mangled body distorted his eyes. James squeezed his hands into fists, trying to force the image away.

It could be someone else. It could be some other poor, defenseless girl locked away under the earth. Somehow, that wasn't much of a comfort either.

His legs were growing sore again, just pacing up and down the small room. There wasn't anything else he could do. He certainly couldn't sit and wait, listening to that girl scream.

Abruptly his head lifted up, hearing the clicking of bolts against the metal door. He paused.

The door swung open, and beneath its arch stood Lucius Malfoy. James didn't know who he was expecting other than him. Of course, he wanted it to be Lily; he would always want it to be Lily. But his mind was far too wise for hopes like that now.

Malfoy strolled in without a word, carrying a metal chair behind him. In his wake was Bellatrix Lestrange. Her hair was much wilder than James remembered from their days at school. Once, it had been vibrant and gentle. Now her curls had spiraled out into chaos and screamed of the same maddness her expression produced.

She laughed maniacally as Lucius placed the chair by James' side. "Sit." He demanded.

James stared for a moment at Lucius, anger boiling inside him. He wanted nothing more than to knock man upside and bolt through the door.

But he did as he was told.

Almost to the second as he sat down, Bellatrix was behind him, yanking his wrists back.

"Hey!" James shouted as his shoulder blades collided with the metal. Bellatrix didn't seem to mind as she yanked harder. Her hands enclosed around his wrists as Lucius handed her a foot of rope.

She took her time, wrapping the thread around James' wrists. It was rough against his skin and caused great discomfort. But that was the point, wasn't it?

With one final tug, Bellatrix secured the ropes. She stood to her feet, grinning as she pranced to Lucius' side, eager. James huffed.

"Excellent job, Bella." Lucius praised.

Her eyes seemed to light up. Her lips twisted into what looked like an expression of pride, of amusement.

James rolled his eyes. "Wonderful. You can tie a knot. Have a gold medal, on me."

Suddenly his cheek began to sting as Lucius' fist collided against his face. James coughed, swishing around a liquid in his mouth. He spit blood onto the floor; his official mark into this room.

Slowly he lifted his eyes back to face Lucius. "That was just unnecessary."

This time James was ready as the fist slammed against him for the second time. He was used to being thrown around. A punch or two wouldn't kill him.

James twisted his neck, loosening the muscle.

Malfoy stepped forward. He leaned down to James' eye sight. His long, silvery blonde hair hung neck to his shoulders. "Will you ever learn to stop being such an insufferable prick?"

"No. I don't think so."

Lucius stood up, a laugh escaped his lips. "No matter. I have… questions for you."

"Like what?" James forced as much disdain into his voice as he could.

In the corner, off to the right, Bellatrix was laughing. It was the kind of laugh you would see from a small child at an amusement park. James kept his eyes on her as he waited for Malfoy's response. She waved her fingers, a strange smiled perched on her lips.

James shook his head, looking away.

"Now, tell me Potter… where is Sirius Black?"

"What do you want with Sirius? You have Lily. You have me. What the hell do you need him for?"

Lucius glared; agitated that James didn't already know the answer. "We believe he has a hold of the map."

James coughed, caught off guard. "What map?"

"Don't play dumb, boy!" Lucius shouted; the back of his hand whipping against James' cheek. "Tell me."

"Sirius doesn't have it." James could feel his heart racing. Of course Sirius didn't have it. But he knew who did, and he wasn't very far away…

Malfoy cleared his throat. "You clearly don't have it, and we know Pettigrew doesn't…"

"What have you done with Peter!?" James shouted. Everything was spinning. He couldn't see straight.

Lucius ignored him, continuing on. "Would you like us to uproot your precious Remus from his chambers, because I have men in the castle who can interrogate him if you like?"

His heart jumped. It was Remus. Remus had the map. Who else did James and Sirius trust more than him? Filch has confiscated it in their last year, but since Remus got the job at the school, he was able to steal it back. He was keeping it safe, for them. Never did James think it would put him in danger. He felt sick. Remus' life was hanging in the balance. He had to be strong.

James forced on a straight face, keeping his internal struggle clear off his eyes. "Keep Remus out of this."

"So talk."

"No."

"You wouldn't dare leave it stashed away. It's far too valuable for that. Pettigrew is too, how should I say, weak. Remus has far too high of standards to hold on to such a tool. So Sirius must have it." Malfoy paced in circles around James' chair. The heels of his expensive leather shoes clicked against the concrete.

He came around to James' front again. He looked down at James' blank expression. Malfoy's lips began to twist into a manic frame. "Where is he?!"

James sighed for a moment, untangling his tongue from his teeth. "Bite me."

Lucius swung forward, slamming his fist against James's jaw. The chair rocked back for a moment, but eventually rolled back on all fours. James could feel the skin breaking on lines of his face, the blood dripped down his neck.

"Tell me, Potter, or you will regret the day you were born."

"That line's a bit overused, don't you think?"

"_Where is he?_"

"I wouldn't tell you, even if I did know. I would rather die than betray him. You'd have to kill me first."

"With pleasure."

This time, Lucius did not hesitate. With laughter upon his lips and blood on his knuckles he sent fist after fist into James' jaw, stomach, and cheek bones. There wasn't rest for what seemed like hours.

With the final blow, the chair swung too far to the side and sent James spiraling to the floor. His breathing was labored and he could feel the swelling in his face. He opened what he could of his left eye, staring at the pool of blood dripping from his face and onto the concrete.

Lucius towered over him. "Next time I ask you a question… you answer. Understood?"

James didn't say a word as Malfoy turned on his heels, beckoning Bellatrix to follow. He groaned as the weight of the chair crushed against his forearm.

Just as Bellatrix made her way to the door, she turned around. She held her wand in her hand, twirling it around. Pointing it at James, she muttered a spell and suddenly James' hands snapped apart.

James pulled himself up, forcing as much strength out as he could. By the time he looked up again, she had vanished and he was alone.

He stared at the pools of blood lining the ground. His blood. His mark. He was never going to leave this room; that, he was almost sure of.

* * *

**oh my gosh. I am SO sorry that took a ridiculously long time to update. I've been insanely busy with college nonsense, and I've literally had no time at all. Updates might be a bit more lengthy now that my professors have decided I don't need a social life... sorry in advance, but know I'm always trying to work on it! :)**

**hope you enjoyed this one**

**please drop a review if you did!**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	11. Soldiers & Cowards

****_Author's Note: holy cow, I'm sorry this took so long! I've been crazy busy with college and finals and other stupid school related nonsense. This is a pretty short chapter in relation to my other ones, so sorry about that! But I figured a short chapter is better than no chapter... :)_

* * *

**Lily**

What could have only been a few days began to drag like weeks. Time was now irrelevant and so was the value of Lily Evan's life. She wondered for a moment if James was still alive, but cringed at the thought.

Lily stared up at the ceiling, watching the light bulb swing peacefully in the air, never stopping, even without a wind to carry it. Back and forth the orb swung, her eyes following every beat. She wasn't sure how long she had watched it. It didn't matter really, did it? What else was there for her to do? She couldn't sit and listen to the screams anymore; she must occupy herself in other matters.

Such as watching this light. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Lily let out a deep breath as she turned on her side. The concrete was hard against her hip, but it was growing accustom. With her head propped onto her arm, she sighed.

Four scratches in the wall. Four meals she had eaten. Four days she had been in this cell.

Her eyes grew heavy. She got along with little sleep these days, as one could expect. No one had been to visit her, not yet. She expected Lucius, or Zale, maybe Gallot. None had come. They left her alone.

A pit formed in her stomach, knowing that James must be occupying their time. It was split with relief, knowing he must still be alive. She didn't have to image what they would do to him. She had seen it before, in her dreams.

She thought back to those days when her nightmares were the most of her concerns. James would lay by her side, expecting nothing in return, just holding her as she slept.

He was so kind. Much more of an honest, caring man than she had ever given him credit for at Hogwarts. But then again, at school he was irritably arrogant and cruel. She supposed that was all just a mask now.

Lily sat up slowly. She pulled her hair forward, trying to rid the knots from the ends. She could feel the dirt clogging her pores, and the blood against her forehead but she didn't wipe it away.

Lily knew James had it much worse. What they were doing to him… she couldn't possibly bear.

Her mind returned to the night they were taken. How out of hand things had got. She was out of her mind with grief; she had been for the past week. Lily huffed, still angry at herself for placing blame on James. They had such little time to be happy together.

But that night, when they chased into the fields… something was wrong. She knew it from the moment he grabbed her. James wouldn't ever hurt her like that. He had a short temper, but laying a hand on her wouldn't even occur to him. That was the kind of man he was. Lily knew that. She knew that with every ounce of her being.

When his anger dropped, when he fell to his knees, it confirmed everything. It was like he was seeing himself through a glass mirror, unable to stop if he tried. That wasn't him. That could _never_ be him.

* * *

**James**

_Lily ran only a few feet in front of him. He chased after her as the aggression built higher and higher inside his chest. It was an orb of heat, burning and throbbing after one thing. She had to be stopped. _

_Lily's hair whipped around, tangling in the high stocks of wheat. It pulled her back and she stopped for a brief moment, but it was long enough. _

_James grinned as his hand finally caught hold of the tips of Lily's hair, yanking her back._

_ She screamed, grasping at the fabric on James' shirt. He could feel her nails scratching through the cotton. _

_ He laughed, swatting them away._

_ Lily reached for his hands, trying to pry him away, but James had a firm grip. He threw her to the ground, towering over her. She collapsed against the dirt and didn't have much time to move until James was on top of her._

_ He grinned, tilting his head as he swung his left leg around Lily's hip. James kept her restrained against the ground, she couldn't move if she tried. _

_His eyes were manic, his voice shaky, yet controlled. Lily watched in great horror as James' hands began to slip around her throat. His thumb stroked against the lining of her jaw._

_ He leaned down as his grip tightened. Lily began to squirm under him, but he didn't care. His lips lowered until they reached her ear. Her voice sobbed as she begged him to stop. James only squeezed harder, choking out her air._

_ "You had this coming… mudblood." James spat, his breath hot against her neck. He pulled his head back, staring down at Lily. Her eyes screamed as tears began to run down the sides. James laughed like he hadn't in years. _

_ With his full strength, James pressed against Lily's throat. Her grip of his wrists began to loosen and her legs grew still. He watched as her eyes slowly glossed over and the light began to drain. Her arms slumped to the side with a heavy thump. Then she was gone. _

_ James smiled. _

He awoke in a panic. James sat up quickly, scratching at his hair relentlessly. His breathing was labored. Sweat dripped down his forehead, down his neck.

He shook his head back and forth. This couldn't be happening, not again. It was too often for it to coincidental at this point. Every night since he arrived in the cell he dreamt of Lily's murder, always at his hands.

James let out a long held breath, running both hands through his hair. Why was this happening? His eyes scanned the floors repeatedly, not knowing whether to remain still or bang his head against the wall.

He couldn't put it together but he knew it connected with the night he attacked Lily. He raised a hand to her, he shook her… he frightened her.

James couldn't understand why he had done that. He was angry, he was full of sorrow and remorse but never in a million years would he have laid a hand to her. He always believed he was a better man than that. He h_oped_ he was a better man than most.

That night, Lily had stressed that it wasn't him. That whatever actions he had weren't to be held on James' account. That's how she knew the death eaters were there, in the fields. It made no sense.

But James was sure they had to be connected, the dreams and his behavior that night; both so out of character, both haunting him in the same way.

James rested his head against the wall, turning to face the door for a brief moment. He knew Lucius would return soon. He always came, every day, asking about that damn map.

It wasn't hard to figure out why he wanted it. It was a direct path to all of the muggleborns in the castle. They would all be slaughtered and the death eaters wouldn't even manage a sweat.

But it was Remus who held the map and Remus was rather clever. He could easily outwit Lucius, if not that than at least he could throw in a good witty comment about Malfoy's ridiculously long hair.

James smiled for a moment and he felt his lips crack. They bled and he tasted blood. He didn't care much, it wasn't the first time it had busted within the last few days. James raised a hand to his mouth, touching the broken lip. He pulled his finger back, staring at the blood atop his skin.

James' eyes fell into an emotionless state and he dropped his hand. He smeared the blood against the floor, as he stared endlessly at the wall across the room until his exhaustion took hold and he collapsed.

* * *

**Lily**

Her head perked up immediately as the bulky metal door creaked. The sound was deafening, high and strong in her ears. One by one she could hear the locks unlatch. There must have been over thirty separate locks before the final one rang.

Lily scrambled to her feet. Her heart began to race, her palms sweaty.

One mud covered boot stepped through the door, then another. It was Zale. The large, scruffy twenty something, walked slowly towards her, grinning. In his hands, he carried a long metal chain. The metal chinked together as his gravity shifted.

Lily's eyes were fixed. She stared at the chain. On the end was a pair of handcuffs that were rusted and covered in a sheet of blood. She closed her mind off to who could have possibly worn them before her.

Zale smiled. "Hands"

Lily just stared at him, almost unable to think. He was the first person she had seen in days. He certainly wasn't the friendly face she was after.

"Give me your hands, girl." Zale reached forward, snatching Lily's arm. Forcefully he wrapped the cuffs around her wrists. She could feel the dried blood against her skin. A few sheets peeled off and fell to the concrete like feathers.

Zale pulled on the chain, dragging Lily towards the center of the room. Her arms sprang her forward, nearly toppling her to the ground.

He pulled out his wand, aiming it at the opposite end of the chain. He whispered an incantation, and suddenly the rusted metal began to melt, forming to the cement floor. It hardened again and suddenly the room felt even smaller.

Zale lifted his head, grinning.

"What the hell was that for?" Lily spat, holding her hands close to her chest. The metal was already digging into her skin. "I haven't done anything!"

"The Dark Lord wishes to keep you safe and sound." Zale hissed. He turned his back and walked out the door, but he left it open. The door was still… open.

Lily began to walk towards it. She was nearly two feet from the opening when she felt the tug on her wrists. Only a few feet from the exit with a wide open door and she was still trapped.

But then she heard a voice, a familiar voice… small and timid. Lily gasped, bringing her hands to her mouth, shutting it in case she screamed. It was impossible. But that voice was not easily mistaken; she had heard it so many times before.

Lily stepped back as the boy climbed through the door frame, carrying her daily meal in his shaking hands. Now, it was certain.

It was strange, how undeniably clean he was, though his hair was out of sorts. He stared at the ground as he walked slowly towards the redhead, tripping over his own feet. Without a word he placed the meal on the floor in front of her. Lily stared, speechless.

It took some time for Lily to find her words. "Peter…?"

His eyes bolted up, terrified. "Y-yes, hello Lily."

She couldn't fathom it. Warm relief spread through her chest. A wide smile broke across Lily's lips as she darted forward, throwing her chained arms around his neck. Peter stumbled back, unsure of her embrace.

"Oh Peter, it's so good to see you!" Lily exclaimed. She removed her arms from Peter, and grabbed his hands in hers. "Now, quickly before they hear. It'll take some time to find James. The real problem will be breaking him out of whatever they got him stored in… it can't be good, probably much more secure than mine…"

Peter didn't say a word. He bit his bottom lip nervously and clasped his hands behind his back.

"Umm, Peter? We should really hurry this along." She gestured at her wrists, waiting for Peter's incantation. But he remained silent.

He shook his head, stepping back. "I'm sorry, Lily. Really I am." Peter began. "But you must understand… Lord Voldemort is… rather persuasive."

Suddenly, Lily felt her stomach drop. Her heart rate increased, and she couldn't feel the legs she stood upon. Her knees gave way. Peter jetted forward and grasped Lily around the waist, pulling her back to her feet.

She stared at him for a moment as he let go, making sure she would stand on her own. There had to be a mistake. This wasn't Peter Pettigrew. It couldn't be.

"Peter, please… see reason. James and I, and Sirius… we'll protect you. Whatever Voldemort has over you…" Lily could hardly find the courage to form words. She could feel her voice cracking.

"I wish things were different, Lily… really I do. But I had to tell them where you were, you see? They were going to _kill_ me…" Peter said, reaching forward for some kind of comfort from Lily. She pulled back, the metal chains swinging against her legs.

"James _trusted _you... He trusted you with his life…with both our lives!" Her voice screeched and Peter's eyes bolted wide. Anger began to boil inside of Lily. She couldn't see straight, but she was able to make out Peter stumbling backwards in fear. "How could you betray him!? He was your friend!"

Peter folded his hands together, twiddling his thumbs. Beads of sweat raced down his forehead. "I-if Prongs was in my s-situation, h-he w-would have…"

"He would have rather died than do the same to you!" Lily spat. "You turned him over for slaughter!" Her breathing was labored and incredibly heavily. She paused, waiting for Peter to defend himself again, but he didn't.

He looked up at Lily, whose cheeks were flushed as red as her hair. He offered a soft smile and pulled together as much strength in his voice that he could manage. "I have to go now. I'll see you again, Lily."

She watched as Peter turned his back and made his way out the door, closing it behind and securing the locks. The second the last lock screamed out its final click, Lily dropped to her knees.

Her tears finally dried hours later.

* * *

**James**

Suddenly, James awoke in cold sweat. It happened again. Slowly, his breathing came back to a normal pace and his heart rate lowered. James pressed his face into his palms, shaking his head back and forth.

"Rough night?"

James' head perked up. Lucius Malfoy stood in the doorway, an agitated smile across his lips. James turned his back, remaining silent.

Lucius chuckled, closing the door behind him. "I suppose you're a bit distraught over these dreams you've been having…am I close?"

James kept his eyes glued to the floor, but his heart pounded in his chest.

"No that's fine. No need to speak. You can just listen." Lucius began to pace around the room, twirling his wand in his fingers. "I bet it's difficult; killing Lily Evans every night as you sleep. I'm sure that's hard to wake up to, isn't it?"

"Shut up." James spat, his voice almost too quiet to hear.

"You think about it a lot, don't you? You are capable of it, you know. That night, when we first captured you in the fields… you thought about it…"

"No!"

"…even for just a moment…"

"I wouldn't…"

"Maybe not on your own." Lucius admitted.

This caught James' attention. He stumbled quickly to his feet, watching as Lucius continued pacing around the room.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You really think you gained all that anger and power on your own?" Lucius laughed. "_Please._ We were watching you long before you spotted us."

Lucius turned to James, looking for a reaction where there was none. He kept a straight face though underneath he could feel his heart exploding. Lucius shrugged.

"You see, we were testing a theory. Our men have been working on… how should I put this? …an enchantment. As you chased Evans out of the cabin, I cast a considerably weak version of it onto you."

And then James' heart stopped. Lily was right, it wasn't entirely him. But somehow, the knowledge didn't make him feel any better.

"The enchantment is being tested further as we speak and it's growing more powerful with each passing minute." Lucius grinned, staring back at James. "Imagine what it will do once it is complete. In the first stages of testing it managed to turn you against the woman you loved for seven years. _So_… it wore off rather quickly, we're working on that. No, it will be much stronger than before. Next time, you won't just dream of killing, Potter."

James took a step forward, his stance weakening. "What are you talking about?" Of course, James knew exactly what Lucius meant… what they wanted him for, why the death eaters kidnapped James as well.

Lucius turned his back, beginning to walk towards the door. He paused at the frame, shaking his head, a victorious smile spreading across his thin lips. "We are going to turn you into our soldier, Potter. Say goodbye to your free will, you won't have it for much longer."

* * *

**There it is, about 3,000 words which is like half of what I normally have. But I'm stuck in a block and I wanted to get something out for you guys.**

**thanks for reading and I hoped you enjoyed it. Please leave a review, it really helps motivate me!**

**xoxo**

**Kasey**


	12. These Ghosts that Haunt Me

**James**

His hands were held in chains above his head. His legs crossed in front of him, the chill of the ground sending shivers through his spine. His back pressed against the concrete wall, arching in a surely uncomfortable way, and yet, James Potter made no effort to move.

The wall across the room was just as bare, just as cold as usual. He stared at it for hours on end, each day, waiting for something to happen. For the first time in days, James cracked a half-witted smiled through his bloodied lips. That was the definition of insanity, wasn't it; expecting different results without any change?

But then again, the possibility of insanity wasn't off the table. A few weeks ago, the hallucinations stared. He'd seen his mother, Sirius, Remus, even Peter, several times. In those moments, he finally felt free. With his hands chained above him, he would laugh with the ghosts and carry on conversation. Of course, James knew they weren't real. He was intelligent after all, and he was going to hold onto his mind as long as he could. But the days were wearing on him. The exhaustion was slowly killing him.

It had been three months since he arrived in the prison cell. Three months of staring at walls and cracking bloodied lips. Three months of torture, of questioning, of testing. Three months since he laid an eye on Lily Evans.

A pain like no other burst into his chest at the mere thought of her. It had been three months. _Three months._ James was not a foolish man. These Death Eaters took pleasure in torturing hundreds upon hundreds of muggleborns. He had been holding onto the belief that Lily was different; that for some unknown reason they would keep her alive. But three months had passed and James was no longer a man of hope, or faith. He had the cold, hard reality cult into his skin and buried into his head months ago.

James Potter was _not_ a fool.

But he was, entirely, alone.

He stared at the wall across the room, it stared back. He tried to ignore the pains in his shoulders and the burning in his eyes. James made every effort he could these days to stay awake. Although sleeping meant escape, or sometimes even peace, most days it meant torturing and murdering the very woman he would give his life to see just one more time.

James felt his eyes force shut, but he snapped his head up. He let out a deep breath and then began to bite on his lower lip until it bled. This was the only way to ensure he stayed awake. He couldn't risk falling asleep. Each night it would get worse and worse. It just couldn't do it anymore. The prison cell was something he could live with. Enabling the dreams in which he murdered Lily, was not.

James' body made a second attempt to force him into sleep. Again, he refused. The lack of rest was wearing on him and James knew that too much time had passed when he began to see the worn figure of a red headed girl in the corner of the room.

He sighed, allowing a soft smile to lift his cheeks. The ghostly Lily moved forward; nearly transparent. She kneeled at James side and brought a hand to his face. Gently, she traced the lining of his jaw.

James looked away, feeling her hand against his skin but knowing she was not there. She was not real. She was not real.

But this Lily leaned in close; just enough so James could feel the warm of the imaginary breath against his ear. "You must fight it, James."

"I'm, I'm trying…" James managed to mutter. It was hard enough hallucinating his best friends, his family. But Lily's presence physically burned him. The uncertainty of where she was and if she was even alive was tearing at his chest. Seeing her here only made it worse.

She is not real. He played those four words over in his head endlessly. Remember, this is not Lily.

She is not real.

Lily shook her head. "You must fight it."

"I haven't slept in days… I'm doing all I can." Against his better judgment, James turned to face the ghost. She smiled, her eyes lighting up. An ache consumed his chest.

Lily's smile wavered, though her expression remained strong. "It has yet to begin."

Before James could question, she disappeared. He looked around the room, part of him yearning for her return. He replayed the four words again.

James bit his lip. He knew exactly what the ghostly Lily was warning him about, though he tried to ignore it. He was, after all, warning himself. She was only a hallucination brought on by lack of sleep.

But he knew. He knew exactly what Lily meant. It was the enchantment Lucius spoke of. The one he claimed would turn him into the world's greatest soldier. But no, he wouldn't let that happen. He couldn't.

He'd rather die.

Just then, a high pitched clicking in the air indicated the locks against the metal door were turning. James took a deep breath and watched as the door creaked open. As heels clicked against the concrete, Lucius Malfoy entered the room, a familiar syringe in his left hand.

James made no effort to look away. Instead, his swollen eyes burned into Lucius' cold grin. "I see I'm graced with _your_ presence today, Lucius. How longs it been, huh? Almost a month?"

Lucius smirked, twirling the syringe in his fingers. "We're upping your dose. It appears your will is stronger than we thought."

James let out a laugh, shaking his head. "What makes you think you got it right this time? You and your little team of science fair nerds haven't been able to crack me for weeks. It's not about to start now."

"We'll see about that." Malfoy suddenly reached forward, grabbing a fist full of James' hair, yanking his head aside to lengthen his neck. James' legs unwillingly kicked underneath him, but he found himself unable to move. His body ached far too much to put up a struggle.

James clenched his jaw as the needle punctured the surface. A warm sensation began to fill his chest. Lucius stood to his feet, crossing his arms. The grin upon his face was not reassuring.

James looked up; the feeling had disappeared; the sensation gone. He began to laugh. "Try again next time."

Lucius' grin did not waver. Instead, it only widened. "Wait for it…"

James' locked his eyes on Lucius', searching for some tell of bluff. There was none. For the first time, he began to worry.

Within seconds, James' felt the wind from his lungs pulled violently to the surface. His chest tightened to such an extreme, he felt the weight of a hundred men. It was unbearable. It had to stop. Please, let it stop. There was no breath. No air in James Potter's lungs. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes, the color completely draining from his cheeks. His vision suddenly burst into a spectrum light and color. He could not see. He couldn't even make out the shape of Lucius who stood only a few feet away.

In what could have only been a few minutes, felt like years. James didn't even notice his breath return, when a pain of unimaginable force burst inside his head. Finally, James began to scream. He screamed for help, he screamed for Lily, he screamed for Sirius, for Remus, for his parents, for anyone to make it stop. He screamed until his voice grew hoarse, until there was nothing left.

All the while, Lucius watched with a venomous grin, admiring his work.

Just as quickly as it began, the pain, the lights, and the suffering disappeared. Panting, swinging from the chains above his arms, he looked to only person in the room.

Lucius did not say a word. He didn't need to. They both knew what was coming.

James closed his eyes willingly for the first time in weeks, drifting into a sleep his sanity would surely not awake from.

* * *

**Lily**

Lily Evans looked to the 91 scratches against the concrete. Three months. How was that even possible? She was sure the death eaters would have killed her by now. The uncertainty as to why seemed to bring about more anxiety than the act itself.

The metal door creaked open at its usual time, allowing Peter Pettigrew to step inside. He carried her daily meal and, as usual, made little to no sound. Lily stared at him as he timidly placed the tray on the floor in front of her.

"Have you seen James?" Lily asked. She meant to sound harsh and cold, as a way to somehow get back at Peter for his betrayal; to somehow guilt him enough that he would make up for it. But instead, her words ended up as desperate and afraid as she was. Her voice cracked at the start of his name. "James? Have you seen him… please?"

Peter looked up, shocked at the sound of her voice. It was the first time she had spoken to him, let alone acknowledged is presence, in months.

"Uh, uh, I- I haven't…" Peter shook his head. "No."

Lily's glance dropped to the ground, her once vibrantly red hair falling into her eyes. She let out a deep breath, though it brought no comfort.

"Is he… do you know if he's even…" She couldn't even finish the sentence. The thought alone was enough to cut away her voice, bringing a lump to her throat.

Peter scratched at his neck, looked back to the door. "Yes" he said quickly.

Lily looked up, the paths of dried tears shimmered on sides of her face. "You're sure?"

He nodded, eyes locked on the metal door.

Though reassuring, this information brought little relief. If he was still alive as well, that meant they were planning something. The death eaters needed them both, but for what?

Lily looked back to Peter who was fidgeting in his stance. She could tell how afraid he was; how afraid he had come to be, even around her. She knew how easily Peter was influenced, especially back at school. James and Sirius could trick him into doing almost anything. But this… this was something she never imagined. Peter Pettigrew, the man who sold his friends to Lord Voldemort.

Peter looked back down to Lily. She sat on the ground, legs crossed and arms to her chest. She seemed so small. Her hair, once red, slowly turned brown with each coming night. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but closed it immediately.

Without another word, Peter quickly scattered from the room. The door slammed behind him; each lock clicked with deafening pitch.

Lily turned to the tray of food. She stared for a long while at the three slices of molded bread. Maybe in an hour or so she could bring herself to eat it. Her empty stomach could last just a bit longer.

Her eyes began to trace the room she had come to memorize; every crack, every blood stain, and each sorry little scratch against the wall. Lily lied down, shivering at the concrete against her back. The ceiling was just as unforgiving.

As Lily's mind began to wonder, it slowly found its way back to the one subject she had sworn off for months. Noah.

A pit formed at the bottom of her stomach. There was so little left inside her after being alone for so long. He came back. Kind, sweet, loving Noah; he always came back.

_It was an unusually warm day in November, so most of the Hogwarts students found themselves gathered in the courtyard outside. Lily sat under an old oak tree, textbook in hand, pencil in hair. Noah grinned, taking a seat next to her. _

"_Hey kiddo." Noah nudged her side. Despite her best effort, the left side of Lily's lips twitched. _

"_What to do you want, Noah? I have a major charms exam tomorrow that I don't plan on failing." _

"_Right, of course…" Noah nodded. He looked around for a while at the other students as Lily stuck her nose back into the five hundred pound book. "Then I suspect you won't be wanting this?"_

_Lily snapped her head up only to find Noah wearing a smile that stretched across his face. In his hand, he held two butterbeers. _

_Lily could not help but succumb to laughter as she snatched the drink from his grasp._

"_How did you even get this in here?" Lily asked as she popped open the cap. _

_Noah shrugged. "Oh, you know me. I have my ways." _

"_Bribed the barkeeper? Staying classy, huh?"_

"_Wrong, Lily Evans." Noah took a swig. "Wrong again. I bribed some kid named Kyle from the town who makes deliveries to the school. Had him hide it in some cardboard box and drop it off in east nowhere. Gave the kid some gold and I was on my way. I'm a regular master criminal."_

"_Naturally…" Lily grinned. _

"_Hey, don't make fun. It's effective, is it not?"_

_Lily shrugged, and finally nodded. She leaned her head against his shoulder, watching the other students in the courtyard. Most sat in circles staring down at books or talking amongst one another. Others tossed around a ball. _

_In the far distance, she could make out the figure of Severus Snape._

_He sat alone, jotting down notes in an old textbook. His black hair fell endless into his face, though he made no effort to adjust. She could see the other students snickering around him, and it hurt her chest. Though it had been a while since she last spoke to Sev, she did not enjoy his pain._

_To his far left, James Potter and his gang of misfits laughed rather loudly. He pointed to Severus and made some sort of gesture only the three marauders seemed to understand. The laughter ensued. _

_Lily rolled her eyes. If maybe Potter could just learn to be a decent human being once in a while-_

"_Man, I'm gonna miss you next year kiddo." Noah sighed, snapping Lily from her trance._

_She hit his knee. "You're only graduating Noah…"_

"_Yeah, but I won't get to see you every day. What am I supposed to do without my lil' sis?" Noah stretched his arm around the redhead, squeezing her shoulder. _

_Lily laughed. "Get a job, for starters."_

"_Boring," Noah shook his head. He took another drink. "I'm thinking about traveling. That would be nice, wouldn't it? Seeing the world."_

"_Yeah, that would be great; maybe if reality wasn't always in the way."_

"_Oh you watch me, Lil. One of these days, I'm going to backpack across this place; have all sorts of adventures. You just watch."_

Nothing happened that day. The two of them just sat under the old oak tree for hours, simply talking. But that's what Noah liked best. He didn't require mass chaos to be enjoyable. He was calm. He was carefree. He was solid when Lily was weak. He was the family she always needed. Noah was someone she could depend on. But now he's just… gone.

Did they hold him captive before slaughtering him? Or were they kind; did they kill him quickly, painlessly?

Tears began to weld behind Lily's eyes. She was no fool. These people do not know kindness. They do not know mercy.

If they did, they would have killed her long ago.

* * *

**wow that took me a seriously long time to update. my apologies, guys. i'm having some serious writer's block, plus college is taking up all my time and yadda yadda ya. **

**hope you enjoyed this one, please let me know what you think! I really do enjoy your comments, and it helps to motivate me :) **

**thanks for reading**

**-Kas**


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